Thing jokes
What do Roblox bots do that's both a type of meat and an annoying thing?
Spam.
People dream about having a lot of money, but the only thing you should be dreaming about is a hairline.
Boi, you're the reason the Great Wall of China is a thing. You're so ugly the Chinese needed to block you out!
What's Michael Jackson's favorite things to say to little boys? "I'd really love to see you-hoo-hoo tonight," and "I can't smile without you-hoo-hoo."
A surgeon loses his job as he botched a surgery.
boss: "We have to let you go."
surgeon: "I protest innocence."
boss: "How?"
surgeon: "I thought doing your job and saving people's lives were two different things."
boss: "Get out!"
I have a pussy. It's very hairy. It has a long thing sticking out of it. It's also very hair. My hairy pussy meows and purrs.
What was the last thing Stephen Hawking said before he died?
"Windows Shut Down."
Women are only for sex!
They are good for cooking and sex!
Nothing but those things.
What was the last thing that crossed Princess Diana's mind?
The steering wheel.
Waking up is the second hardest thing in the morning.
Muslims love to exaggerate, that's why they always blow things up.
What’s the hardest thing to eat on a vegetable? The wheelchair.
Little Johnny is watching his dad shave one morning, and his dad was making a lot of mistakes. Suddenly, his dad screams, "Bitches and asses!" Johnny asks what it meant, and his dad replied, "Aunts and uncles." Oh.
Next thing he hears is, “Dicks and pussies!” Johnny asks, "What's that mean?" To which his dad replied, "Uh, coats and hats." Oh. Next thing he knows, he sees his dad jumping around the bathroom yelling, "Fucking, fuck, fuck, FUCK!" "What does that mean, Dad?" And his dad yells, "Cut Johnny, it means cut!!!" Oh.
Next week is Thanksgiving, and the doorbell rings. Johnny answers it and says, "Hey, bitches and asses, hang your dicks and pussies here, Dad's in the kitchen fucking the turkey."
Why do orphans play tennis? Because that's the only thing they love.
Little Johnny was walking down an alley and saw a lamp. After he rubbed it, a genie came out and said, "You have 10 seconds to have one wish." Little Johnny says he wants to pee alcohol. The genie grants his wish. He tells his family, and his sister doesn't believe it. After having a drink, she says, "We should have this every night!" Little Johnny gets two cups every night, one for him and his sister. He does the same thing for four nights. Eventually, he ran out of cups and has one left. He gives it to himself, and his sister asks, "Where's my cup?" Little Johnny replied, "You're drinking out of the bottle tonight."
So dark.
Many jokes about orphans.
God, this is the second worst thing to happen to these orphans!
The only thing flat earthers have to fear...
... is a sphere itself.
What is the only thing worse than being told you're adopted?
Still being in the orphanage at 13.
What is the worst thing about licking a bald fanny?
Putting the nappy on afterwards.
I ran over my neighbor's cat last night, and I just want to say... that thing was fast! I had to run a red light to get it!