Thing Jokes

What’s one thing you can say during family dinner and in bed?

"Will there be seconds?"

What's the last thing to go through a fly's head as it hits the windshield of a car going 80 mph? Its butt.

How did people bully Helen Keller? They said, "Wow, that was the coolest thing ever! You really should have seen it!"

Look, Bono is a great guy, but shopping with him is a pain, because he still hasn't found what he is looking for.

Big, ugly, and very weird.

DAM

A close-up of a gray dog with a pink collar looking at the camera. The text above says, "When the customers randomly having a rant you can do nothing about and you just stand there listening like."

I told a seal a joke, it went like this: "Why did the kid cross the playground?" He said, "Why?" I said, "To get to the other slide." And then he said, "That's the sealiest thing I've ever heard!"

Wanna see something dark?

Close your eyes.

What is the best thing about being back?

Free bullets.

Just saw the news that Kobe passed. I guess there's a first for everything.

Been single for a couple of years and then I met this Muslim girl. She soon put the spark back into things.

One day the mailman came to drop the mail off, then he asked if I could use the bathroom. I said yeah. The thing is, my mom was coming out of the shower naked, and when she opened the door, it was me and the mailman.

Now, when the mailman sees me, he says to me, "We got something in common, we both saw your mom naked."

What is an orphan's favorite toy?

Answer: A boomerang, because it is the only thing that comes back to them.

I was the second worst thing to happen to those orphans.

What is the thing that orphans miss the most?

Their parents.

People dream about having a lot of money, but the only thing you should be dreaming about is a hairline.

What do Jesus and a painting have in common?

They hang by nails.

What's the scariest thing about white people in prison?

How rare they are.

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