Thing jokes

Soldiers, there is one thing you can be sure of: You will be at home with your families, in a jar on the mantelpiece.

Chenle: One time when I was younger, someone asked me how old I was and I forgot. I had to Wikipedia my age to remember.

Jisung: This is the richest thing I've ever heard in my life.

What happened to the chicken after he died? He did not say anything, so I don't know.

Knock knock.

Who's there? Discord server.

Discord server who?

This server is dead, bye bitches, I got better things to do than watch you sit here and type like a sloth.

I told a seal a joke, it went like this: "Why did the kid cross the playground?" He said, "Why?" I said, "To get to the other slide." And then he said, "That's the sealiest thing I've ever heard!"

Wanna see something dark?

Close your eyes.

Look, Bono is a great guy, but shopping with him is a pain, because he still hasn't found what he is looking for.

Why do orphans like stealing things?

They wanted to have company.

How did people bully Helen Keller? They said, "Wow, that was the coolest thing ever! You really should have seen it!"

Just saw the news that Kobe passed. I guess there's a first for everything.

Big, ugly, and very weird.

What’s the only positive thing about Freddie Mercury’s death?

The HIV test results.

Been single for a couple of years and then I met this Muslim girl. She soon put the spark back into things.

What was the last thing to go through the minds of 9/11 jumpers?

Their ankles.

What’s one thing you can say during family dinner and in bed?

"Will there be seconds?"

What’s one thing you can say during a wedding and in bed?

I didn’t know we were having seafood tonight!

Politicians and diapers have one thing in common.

They should both be changed regularly, and for the same reason.

What is the best thing about an 18-year-old girl in the shower?

Slick her hair, she looks 15.

Guys, I promise I’m not suicidal, I just like dark things.

*proceeds to walk around the house with headphones in and stare at the ceiling while laying down on the couch*

One day the mailman came to drop the mail off, then he asked if I could use the bathroom. I said yeah. The thing is, my mom was coming out of the shower naked, and when she opened the door, it was me and the mailman.

Now, when the mailman sees me, he says to me, "We got something in common, we both saw your mom naked."