Thing jokes

What’s the best thing about making out with dead girls?

They can’t say no.

What’s one thing you can say during a wedding and in bed?

I didn’t know we were having seafood tonight!

Politicians and diapers have one thing in common.

They should both be changed regularly, and for the same reason.

What’s one thing you can say during family dinner and in bed?

"Will there be seconds?"

What's the last thing to go through a fly's head as it hits the windshield of a car going 80 mph? Its butt.

How did people bully Helen Keller? They said, "Wow, that was the coolest thing ever! You really should have seen it!"

Look, Bono is a great guy, but shopping with him is a pain, because he still hasn't found what he is looking for.

Big, ugly, and very weird.

I told a seal a joke, it went like this: "Why did the kid cross the playground?" He said, "Why?" I said, "To get to the other slide." And then he said, "That's the sealiest thing I've ever heard!"

Wanna see something dark?

Close your eyes.

What is the best thing about being back?

Free bullets.

Just saw the news that Kobe passed. I guess there's a first for everything.

Been single for a couple of years and then I met this Muslim girl. She soon put the spark back into things.

What's Michael Jackson's favorite things to say to little boys? "I'd really love to see you-hoo-hoo tonight," and "I can't smile without you-hoo-hoo."

There are a lot of things that explode... like cars, boats, the Twin Towers.

One day the mailman came to drop the mail off, then he asked if I could use the bathroom. I said yeah. The thing is, my mom was coming out of the shower naked, and when she opened the door, it was me and the mailman.

Now, when the mailman sees me, he says to me, "We got something in common, we both saw your mom naked."

What is an orphan's favorite toy?

Answer: A boomerang, because it is the only thing that comes back to them.

I was the second worst thing to happen to those orphans.

What is the thing that orphans miss the most?

Their parents.

People dream about having a lot of money, but the only thing you should be dreaming about is a hairline.