Thing jokes
What's the difference between a glass of chocolate milk and a toddler?
The thing is, I wasn't arrested for throwing a glass of chocolate milk against the wall.
So I'm reading Hamlet, right? And then this one page they like, "Yo, like, Hamlet the fuck t tgo foff off KING speak, yo" π π π π π π π truth ong fr π Face with thing is funny or... π π π π the
What's the one thing that you don't have but celebrities do?
Lots of fans.
Why couldn't the twins never do anything right?
Because they were triplets!
What's the same about boxes and children?
They're both found in basements.
Memes
wear sweatpants.
What was the scariest thing Helen Keller ever read?
The waffle iron.
Do you know that βIβm sorryβ and βI apologizeβ usually mean the same thing?
Except at a funeral.
It's always the little things that make us laugh.
"Jesus loves you" is a wonderful thing to hear in church.
But a horrible thing to hear in a Mexican prison.
What did the Buddhist say to the pizza delivery boy?
"Make me one with everything."
Whatβs one thing you can say during a family dinner and in bed?
"Where are the kids?"
What is the best thing about an 18-year-old girl in the shower?
Slick her hair, she looks 15.
Woman: I want a man who is 6 feet and 6 inches.
Man: Is 6 feet and 6 inches one thing or two?
Woman: Two, I want a man who is 6 feet and also is 6 inches.
Man: Shit!
What did the drunk emo say to the bartender?
Nothing, she was hung over.
Why do people hit their electronics when they donβt work?
You keep the tradition of hitting black things.
Whatβs one thing women need to know nowadays?
Their place.
What is the worst thing about dating a blind woman?
Getting her husband's voice just right.
My favorite thing to do in libraries is put cookbooks in the womenβs sports section.
Why is hand holding a couple thing? Because they touch each other's genitals anyway.
Why should a feminist never join the United Auto Workers, UAW?
Because the only thing that a feminist would do in the United Auto Workers, UAW is lick pussy all day in the woman's restroom.