What's the same about boxes and children?
They're both found in basements.
Thing Jokes
What was the scariest thing Helen Keller ever read?
The waffle iron.
Do you know that “I’m sorry” and “I apologize” usually mean the same thing?
Except at a funeral.
It's always the little things that make us laugh.
"Jesus loves you" is a wonderful thing to hear in church.
But a horrible thing to hear in a Mexican prison.
What did the Buddhist say to the pizza delivery boy?
"Make me one with everything."
What’s one thing you can say during a family dinner and in bed?
"Where are the kids?"
What is the best thing about an 18-year-old girl in the shower?
Slick her hair, she looks 15.
Woman: I want a man who is 6 feet and 6 inches.
Man: Is 6 feet and 6 inches one thing or two?
Woman: Two, I want a man who is 6 feet and also is 6 inches.
Man: Shit!
What did the drunk emo say to the bartender?
Nothing, she was hung over.
Why do people hit their electronics when they don’t work?
You keep the tradition of hitting black things.
What’s one thing women need to know nowadays?
Their place.
What is the worst thing about dating a blind woman?
Getting her husband's voice just right.
My favorite thing to do in libraries is put cookbooks in the women’s sports section.
Why is hand holding a couple thing? Because they touch each other's genitals anyway.
Why should a feminist never join the United Auto Workers, UAW?
Because the only thing that a feminist would do in the United Auto Workers, UAW is lick pussy all day in the woman's restroom.
You know what's the difference between my basement and Chick-fil-A?
A lot of things.
Why are blind people bad at catching things? Because they never see it coming.
The tables in my class are straight, but I can’t say the same thing for your hairline.
My grandmother made her passage on a boat. The thing wasn’t the only thing that went down.
