Thing jokes

Teacher

    • If you have a teacher who is a Karen, comment what the worst thing that they did to you or your entire class. I know this isn’t a joke, but why not?

  • 3

    • Circle

    • You are walking through the woods when you cross a woman who has been raped and beheaded. What is the first thing you do?

    Check your map, you’re obviously going in circles.

  • 12

    • Bf

    • If I don't get a bf by the end of this month, Christmas lights won't be the only thing hanging from the roof.

  • 0
    • Thing memes

    Car

    • "I’m going through a lot of things right now," I said frustratedly to the person on the line as I crashed straight through the next building in my car.

    Priest

    • One day, a priest is walking down the street and sees a little girl with a box. "What's in the box?" the priest asks. "Christian kittens," the little girl answers.

    Pleased, the priest smiles and continues on his way.

    A week later, the same priest is walking down the street with a nun when he sees the little girl and the box again. "Ask her what she has in the box," he says, "It's the cutest thing!"

    The nun walks up and asks the girl what she has in the box. "Atheist kittens," she says.

    The priest rushes forward and says, "ATHEIST KITTENS!!! Last week you said they were 'Christian kittens!!!'"

    "They were," she says. "Now their eyes are open."

  • 6

    • Pussy

    • What's the worst thing about eating a shaved pussy?

    Putting the diaper back on.

  • 2

    • Head

    • What has one head, one foot and four legs? A: A Bed

    Q: Did you hear the joke about the roof? A: Never mind, it's over your head!

    Q: How many letters are in The Alphabet? A: There are 11 letters in The Alphabet

    Q: How can you spell cold with two letters? A: IC (icy)

    Q: What state is surrounded by the most water? A: Hawaii (this is really just a trick riddle)

    Q: David's father had three sons: Snap, Crackle, and ? A: David!

    Q: If you were in a rainforest, what would be the first thing you put on? A: The radio!

    Dad

    • Dad: I'll pay you 10 bucks for every day you don't tell a lie.

    Next day:

    Dad: Son, what's the ugliest thing you've ever seen?

    Son: That ugly face of yours, go get a life, gosh, Dad, you're embarrassing.

    The dad sulked for 3 whole years.

    Proof that words really can hurt.

  • 0

    • Wall

    • What is the similarity between Pink Floyd and Donald Trump:

    The best thing they did was a wall.

  • 0

    • Condom

    • A couple were trying new things in the bedroom to spice up their marriage. The husband would blindfold the wife, put on a condom and she would guess the flavor. They did this one time a night.

    The first night, she put the blindfold on and he put the condom on his dick and she tasted it, she immediately knew it was strawberry. The second night, the same thing happened except it was banana. The third night, she put the blindfold on and tasted his dick and said, "Eww it tastes like cheese and onions." The husband replied, "Hang on I haven't put the condom on yet."

  • 0

    • Abortion

    • My opinion on abortion is very divided. Like, on the one hand, I like the idea of killing babies, but I'm not really into this thing about women being able to make choices.

  • 2

    • Day

    • One day Timmy walks in on his mum in the bath. Then he asks, “What’s that dark fuzzy thing, mummy?” and mum said, “It’s a bush, every girl has one!” Then the next day he walks in on his dad in the shower. So he asks, “Daddy, what’s that long thing?” The dad then says, “It’s a sexy boy” accidentally. Timmy asks his dad, “What does sexy mean?” And the dad says, “Your mother, of course,” making it seem like a child-friendly compliment. Then the next day at school Timmy wanted to compliment his teacher. He walks up to her and says, “You’re so so sexy!”

  • 6