Thing jokes
I don't trust anything that bleeds for more than 5 days and is still alive.
Paddy and Murphy are walking down the street when all of a sudden, Paddy falls down a manhole. Murphy shouts down, "Paddy, is it dark down there?"
Paddy shouts up, "Dunno Murphy, I crnt see a fecking thing!"
What are two things that an orphan can’t have?
Two parents.
What's the funniest thing about being ringside at a UFC fight?
When you look around and all of the spectators are wearing white gowns and fuzzy socks, and you realize you aren't at a UFC event, you're watching your fellow patients fight to the death at a psychiatric facility.
Try to make a joke, but not about yourself.
Well, I have nothing.
Memes
I love still things.
If I don't get a bf by the end of this month, Christmas lights won't be the only thing hanging from the roof.
Do you know when the thing of you when the was is where you and if you when you where if I and you where in the thing is where yes?
What was the last thing that went through PH's head?
Water and smoke.
What is small, black and yellow, and drops things?
A fumble bee.
So I'm reading Hamlet, right? And then this one page they like, "Yo, like, Hamlet the fuck t tgo foff off KING speak, yo" 😂 😂 😂 😂 😂 😂 😂 truth ong fr 😂 Face with thing is funny or... 😂 😂 😂 😂 the
Why do orphans pick apples? Because that's the only thing they can pick.
I'm so poor that when robbers break into my house,
they bring me things. <_>
What's the difference between a glass of chocolate milk and a toddler?
The thing is, I wasn't arrested for throwing a glass of chocolate milk against the wall.
What's the one thing that you don't have but celebrities do?
Lots of fans.
It's always the little things that make us laugh.
So many things are going through my head.
How am I not dead yet?
Why are blind people bad at catching things? Because they never see it coming.
Your hairline and the universe have one thing in common: they’re yet to be discovered.
You're so poor, if I ever broke into your house, I'd give you things.