Thing jokes

Chocolate Milk

What's the difference between a glass of chocolate milk and a toddler?

The thing is, I wasn't arrested for throwing a glass of chocolate milk against the wall.

Hamlet

So I'm reading Hamlet, right? And then this one page they like, "Yo, like, Hamlet the fuck t tgo foff off KING speak, yo" πŸ˜‚ πŸ˜‚ πŸ˜‚ πŸ˜‚ πŸ˜‚ πŸ˜‚ πŸ˜‚ truth ong fr πŸ˜‚ Face with thing is funny or... πŸ˜‚ πŸ˜‚ πŸ˜‚ πŸ˜‚ the

Fan

What's the one thing that you don't have but celebrities do?

Lots of fans.

Triplet

Why couldn't the twins never do anything right?

Because they were triplets!

Memes

Funeral

Do you know that β€œI’m sorry” and β€œI apologize” usually mean the same thing?

Except at a funeral.

Church

"Jesus loves you" is a wonderful thing to hear in church.

But a horrible thing to hear in a Mexican prison.

Buddhist

What did the Buddhist say to the pizza delivery boy?

"Make me one with everything."

Kid

What’s one thing you can say during a family dinner and in bed?

"Where are the kids?"

Girl

What is the best thing about an 18-year-old girl in the shower?

Slick her hair, she looks 15.

Man

Woman: I want a man who is 6 feet and 6 inches.

Man: Is 6 feet and 6 inches one thing or two?

Woman: Two, I want a man who is 6 feet and also is 6 inches.

Man: Shit!

Emo

What did the drunk emo say to the bartender?

Nothing, she was hung over.

Electronics

Why do people hit their electronics when they don’t work?

You keep the tradition of hitting black things.

Woman

What’s one thing women need to know nowadays?

Their place.

Woman

What is the worst thing about dating a blind woman?

Getting her husband's voice just right.

Cookbook

My favorite thing to do in libraries is put cookbooks in the women’s sports section.

Hand

Why is hand holding a couple thing? Because they touch each other's genitals anyway.

Feminist

Why should a feminist never join the United Auto Workers, UAW?

Because the only thing that a feminist would do in the United Auto Workers, UAW is lick pussy all day in the woman's restroom.