They jokes
They say we will have eternal life when Jesus is no longer coming.
I was at work and then a little kid came up to me and she said, "What happened to all the parents?" She sounded so confused, so I told her, "It's only yours, kid, they left you on purpose." She cried. I felt bad for a second and thought, oh well, time to get back to my job at the orphanage.
Why is America bad at Clash Royale?
Because they can't defend their towers.
A young family moved into a house next to a vacant lot.
One day a construction crew turned up to start building a house on the empty lot. The young family's 5-year-old daughter naturally took an interest in all the activity going on next door and spent much of each day observing the workers.
Eventually the construction crew more or less adopted her as a kind of project mascot. They chatted with her, let her sit with them while they had coffee and lunch breaks, and gave her little jobs to do here and there to make her feel important.
At the end of the first week, they even presented her with a pay envelope containing ten dollars. The little girl took this home to her mother who suggested that she take her $10 "pay" to the bank the next day to start a savings account.
When the girl and her mom got to the bank, the teller was equally impressed and asked the little girl how she had come by her very own paycheck at such a young age. The little girl proudly replied, "I worked last week with a real construction crew building the new house next door to us."
"Oh, my goodness gracious," said the teller, "and will you be working on the house again this week, too?"
The little girl replied, "I will, if those assholes at Lowe's ever deliver the fucking sheet rock!"
Why can't an orphan play kickball?
Because they can't hit home.
Why couldn’t wheelchair Harry Potter go to Hogwarts?
They had no wheelchair ramps or elevators...
Why can't an orphan have sex?
Because they can't call them "daddy."
What do Viagra and Disneyland have in common?
They both cause you to stand around for an hour waiting for a two-minute ride.
What is the most noise that comes out of a ladies mouth? Nothing because they never have anything important to say.
Why don't orphans play baseball?
Because they don't know where home is.
Why don’t scientists trust atoms?
Because they make up everything.
If you're ever bored just fuck some orphans, what are they gonna do, tell their parents?
Why can't orphans be gay?
Because they have no one to call "daddy."
Is it possible for an orphan to go on an away trip?
No, because they already are on one.
Why do orphans not know how to play baseball?
Because they cannot find home.
Why can't an orphan make a home run in baseball?
Because they have no home to go to.
What did the Taliban say to the Afghan?
Nothing, they blew him up.
Why do we call them dead bodies? Nobody says "alive bodies!" Like you walk into your workplace, "OMFG IT'S FULL OF BODIES! Alive ones, though." You wouldn't give birth and say, "Come on, husband, help me with the bodies." If it's a surprise party, you wouldn't say, "QUICK, HIDE THE BODIES!" And the person who the party was for wouldn't say "OH MY GOD WHY ARE THEY DEAD!"
A conductor was conducting a song. At the end, he threw his conductor's stick and killed someone. He was put to the electric chair, but nothing happened. They asked why he didn't die, and he replied, "I'm a bad conductor."
I don't like calculator jokes because they are too overused.