They jokes
Why do rapists and pedophiles never win a race?
Because they always like to come in a little behind.
The bushes outside got jealous after they saw your eyebrows.
Why were the people in the Twin Towers such good readers?
They went through 110 stories in 10 seconds.
Why can't you kill a depressed person?
Because they are already dead inside.
These three men wanted to start a band. One had the idea to call them the Rolling Stones, one wanted to call them the Veggies, the other said, "Let's be the Cripples," as they all rolled away.
How did Helen Keller's parents punish her?
They put doorknobs on a wall and said, "Open the door."
Why can't orphans play baseball?
Because they can't find home.
People complain we are overpopulated.
Well, then if we committed suicide, then why do they be sad? It's one less person to think about. Why complain about it when in the end we become sad people?
What's the one good thing about pedophiles? They slow down near schoolzones.
How did Fortnite record their henchman sounds?
They asked a bunch of kids with Down syndrome to film a documentary.
What does the starship Enterprise & toilet paper have in common?
Answer: They both circle Ur-Anus looking for Kling-Ons!
My bank loves me. They told me my credit card balance is outstanding.
Why can't a blonde call 911?
She can't find the 11.
Why do orphans love boomerangs?
Because they come back.
Why was Sally at the hospital after her parents left? Because they put her up for adoption.
A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse.
"But why?" they asked, as they moved off.
"Because," he said, "I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer."
Two Italian men get on a bus.
They sit down and engage in an animated conversation. They speak with an Italian accent.
The lady sitting behind them ignores them at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of the men say the following:
"Emma come first.
Den I come.
Den two asses come together.
I come once-a-more.
Two asses, they come together again.
I come again and pee twice.
Then I come one lasta time."
"You foul-mouthed swine," retorted the lady indignantly. "In this country we don't talk about our sex lives in public!"
"Hey, coola down lady," said the man. "Who talkin' abouta sexa? I'm a justa tellin' my frienda how to spella 'Mississippi'."
I’m so annoyed by those people who just believe in anything they hear. This is a conversation I had a few days ago.
Idiot: "The moon landing was faked! So unbelievably fake!" Me: "You believe in the moon? Stupidass."
Me: Have you ever tried African food?
You: No.
Me: They haven't either.
It's not rape if they can't say no. Duct tape.