They jokes
Why did they make bus stops? So the bus driver would know where to pick the orphan up.
I can't believe the suicide hotline put my cousin on hold. They left him hanging.
Have any of you guys heard the classic airplane jokes? Here's a good example...
A farmer, a doctor, and a terrorist are on a plane. An engine fails, and they are going to crash, so the pilot asks everyone to throw out some items. The farmer threw out his apple harvest, the doctor threw out medical supplies, and the terrorist, (not needing a bomb apparently) threw out his briefcase of bombs. They still crashed, and they started walking to the nearest town. They passed a boy who was running. "Why are you running?"
"My dad got hit by a shiny red object and now he's bleeding!"
They three of them decide it's best to keep quiet, and continue. They then passed a crying girl, who said that her brother had been killed by a scalpel from heaven. They said nothing and continued. Finally, they see a boy laughing so much he is in tears. They ask him, "What's so funny?"
"Grandma farted and the house blew up!"
How do rappers communicate underwater?
They drop some sick flow-tation.
A man is on his death sentence, and he gets to choose his last meal.
He asks his guard for a McDonald's Ice Cream, and lives a very long life. They never found a working machine.
Why are the 9/11 survivors the fastest readers in the world? Because they went down 109 stories in 10 seconds.
So, a mom and a dad take their son to a therapist.
“What seems to be the problem?” the therapist asked.
“Our son thinks he’s a refrigerator!” they said.
So the therapist replies, “Oh dear, that must be a problem.”
“Yeah, he sleeps with his mouth open, and the light is really bright.”
Katie said that her jokes were fire. They were.
Sometime ago I went to the morgue and asked if they took walk-ins.
If Asians have face scanners... do they all have the same face scanner?
I had a party the other day. I made sure there were vegan options. They make do or fuck off.
Why can't fat kids play poker?
They eat all the chips.
Donald Trump is to white Americans as O.J. Simpson is to black Americans. They will never choose to convict these people even if they murdered or raped.
What did the Emo and the Orphan have in common?
They both hang with the trees.
You and me went up to stab your father. He was out, do not pout. They are coming after.
Why did the child drop their ice cream?
They got hit by a bus.
What did the walrus say when they lost the remote?
"Walrus the remote!"
Q: Why can't Asians play baseball?
A: Because they ate the bat!
Why can't an orphan play football? Because they don't have a dad or mom.
Why are orphans bad at baseball?
'Cause they can’t get home.