They jokes
Why can't you kill a depressed person?
Because they are already dead inside.
How did Helen Keller's parents punish her?
They put doorknobs on a wall and said, "Open the door."
These three men wanted to start a band. One had the idea to call them the Rolling Stones, one wanted to call them the Veggies, the other said, "Let's be the Cripples," as they all rolled away.
People complain we are overpopulated.
Well, then if we committed suicide, then why do they be sad? It's one less person to think about. Why complain about it when in the end we become sad people?
Is it necrophilia if they die while you're having sex and you just don't realize?
That's what happened to my dog.
What's the one good thing about pedophiles? They slow down near schoolzones.
My bank loves me. They told me my credit card balance is outstanding.
How did Fortnite record their henchman sounds?
They asked a bunch of kids with Down syndrome to film a documentary.
What does the starship Enterprise & toilet paper have in common?
Answer: They both circle Ur-Anus looking for Kling-Ons!
Why can't a blonde call 911?
She can't find the 11.
Why was Sally at the hospital after her parents left? Because they put her up for adoption.
Why do orphans love boomerangs?
Because they come back.
A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse.
"But why?" they asked, as they moved off.
"Because," he said, "I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer."
Two Italian men get on a bus.
They sit down and engage in an animated conversation. They speak with an Italian accent.
The lady sitting behind them ignores them at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of the men say the following:
"Emma come first.
Den I come.
Den two asses come together.
I come once-a-more.
Two asses, they come together again.
I come again and pee twice.
Then I come one lasta time."
"You foul-mouthed swine," retorted the lady indignantly. "In this country we don't talk about our sex lives in public!"
"Hey, coola down lady," said the man. "Who talkin' abouta sexa? I'm a justa tellin' my frienda how to spella 'Mississippi'."
I’m so annoyed by those people who just believe in anything they hear. This is a conversation I had a few days ago.
Idiot: "The moon landing was faked! So unbelievably fake!" Me: "You believe in the moon? Stupidass."
Me: Have you ever tried African food?
You: No.
Me: They haven't either.
Where's a cannibal's favorite place to eat?
Chili's, because they got them baby back ribs.
Why can't Mexicans play Uno?
Because they can't get a green card.
It's not rape if they can't say no. Duct tape.
Why can't religious women be raped? Because they are taught to never say no!