They jokes
Women are like rolls of toilet paper. They are either really cheap or expensive, you use them a lot, and they deal with a lot of sh*t.
Why do hackers in Africa have hard times dealing with firewalls?
They don't have water.
A housewife takes a lover during the day, while her husband is at work, not aware that her 9-year-old son was hiding in the closet. Her husband came home unexpectedly, so she hid her lover in the closet. The boy now has company.
Boy: "Dark in here." Man: "Yes, it is." Boy: "I have a baseball." Man: "That's nice." Boy: "Want to buy it?" Man: "No, thanks." Boy: "That's my dad outside." Man: "How much did you say the baseball was again?" Boy: "$250."
In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy and the mom's lover are in the closet together.
Boy: "Dark in here." Man: "Yes, it is." Boy: "I have a baseball glove." Man: "That's nice." Boy: "Want to buy it?" Man: "No, thanks." Boy: "I think I just remembered something I needed to tell my dad." Man: "How much did you say the glove was again?" Boy: "$750." Man: "Fine."
A few days later, the father says to the boy, "Grab your glove. Let's go outside and toss the baseball!" The boy says, "I can't. I sold them." The father asks, "How much did you sell them for?" The son says, "$1,000." The father says, "It's terrible to overcharge your friends like that. That is way more than those two things cost. I'm going to take you to church and make you confess."
They go to church and the father alerts the priest and makes the little boy sit in the confession booth and closes the door.
The boy says, "Dark in here." The priest says, "Do not start that shit again!"
I specialize in jokes about orphans. What are they going to do? Tell their parents?
Why can't orphans play House Flipper?
'Cause they don't know what to do.
Yk what the worst type of breakup is
They call me Juan, they call me Jose, but I'm Juan person.
Why couldn't Jesus have been born in Florida?
Answer: They wouldn't be able to find "Three Wise Men" or a virgin!
It would be fun, they said...
It was unsinkable, they said...
What does my dad have in common with Nemo?
They both can’t be found.
I called a suicide hotline in Iraq... They got excited and asked if I could drive a truck.
I feel sad for orphans. They can't watch Star Wars because it's parental guidance.
Why do orphans love drinking water? Because they have no milk to drink!
Why are orphans bad at poker?
They don't know what a full house is.
When you see your friend, you call the police, but they just moan.
Why can't orphans play baseball?
Because they can never find home.
Calling Alabama's football team an astonishment would be the biggest understatement of the century, especially since they continuously catch balls from someone who isn't related to them.
They never told us Humpty was an egg. A man died then!
Little Johnny's mom got a call from school saying to come over. As she does, she is met by the principal. They go into his office and the principal says, "Your son is going to be suspended for a week for blowing clouds in the bathroom." The mother responds, "He is fifteen, how is he blowing clouds already? Bring him in here." A boy walks in, and Johnny's mother says, "This isn't my son, bring him in here, I would like a word with him." The principal replies, "Ma'am, this is Clouds." The mother faints.
How do Chinese people name their kids?
They throw pots and pans down the stairs.
Why are orphans bad at baseball?
They don't have a home plate.