They jokes
Little Johnny walked into class with a black eye, and the teacher said, "Why do you have a black eye?"
Johnny said, "Well, me and my parents have to share a bed, and my dad asked me if I was asleep and I said no, so he smacked me."
The teacher said, "Well tonight, don't say anything."
The next day, Johnny walked in with another black eye, and the teacher said, "Why do you have another black eye?" Little Johnny said, "Well, last night, I did what you said and didn't say anything when my dad asked me if I was asleep. A few minutes later, my dad said he was coming, and my mom said she was coming too. They usually don't go anywhere without me so I said 'Wait for me, I'm coming too.'"
Q: Why didn't Jeffery Dahmer eat comedians?
A: He thought they tasted funny.
Atheists don't solve exponential equations because they don't believe in higher powers.
Why are orphans bad at baseball?
Because they don’t know what a home is.
What’s the difference between someone’s wife and a plate?
They both have to stay in the kitchen.
Memes
Me too ppl when they call my bestie bestie
The only reason gay people exist is because they couldn't get the opposite gender.
What do blondes and beer bottles have in common? They are both empty from the neck up.
What do Michael Jackson and an Xbox have in common?
They both get turned on by kids.
What's something the same about a depressed kid and a hanger? They both like to hang.
Why can’t organs have a family bag of chips?
Because they have no family to share it with.
Why do orphans have 363 days on the calendar? Because they don't have Mother's or Father's Day!
What does a disabled person want to be when they grow up? A stand-up comedian.
Why do a woman like to have sex with the lights off?
They can't stand to see a man have a good time.
What if the ocean just raided Titanic of its people? Like instead of it flooding, it was raiding it and threatened the passengers if they told, so they just said an iceberg flooded the ship.
Yo mama so fat, when she goes to get grapes off a bush, the bush says, "Bitch, I never thought they can grow that big!"
Why can't Chinese people play baseball?
They eat the bat.
Why did Techno die?
They broke his bed.
Q: Why do orphans hate Fast and Furious movies?
A: Because they say "family" too often.
Why are orphans always so successful? Because when they're told "go big or go home," they only have one option.
You're so poor, when a robber robs your house, they feel bad for you and just leave.