I tried to stick to One Direction, but then they started to shoot the gay bar...
They said time heals all wounds, well, I broke your watch.
Question: Why can't you trust a tree?
Answer: 'Cause they are always shady.
Deaf people suck lots of dicks.
They can't hear!
What does a pizza delivery man and a gynecologist have in common?
They can both smell it, but they can’t eat it.
They say Chuck Norris's tears cure cancer, too bad he doesn't cry.
I despise lumberjacks. They are always barking up the wrong tree, all bark and no bite.
They just need to leaf people alone or stick with something nicer.
DO NOT TRUST ATOMS!!! They make up everything.
What do terrorists do on 9/11? They have a game of Jenga.
Why did Stephen Hawking die?
Because his son wanted to charge their phone, so they unplugged him.
Why did Trump decide to build the wall?
Because China built a wall and they do not have any Mexicans.
How do we know the Ancient Egyptians were into organized crime?
They were always using pyramid schemes!
Why do priests appreciate educated children?
They don't spit.
Yeah, I keep telling everyone 9/11 jokes, but they all just crash and burn.
How do you know that the U.S. sucks at chess?
They lost two towers.
What's the best thing about dead baby jokes?
They never grow old.
What’s the worst part about breaking up with a Japanese person
You have to drop the bomb twice before they get the message
Why does the Norway navy have barcodes on the sides of their ships?
So when they return to port, they can Scandinavian.
What's Stephen Hawking's favorite song?
- They see me rolling.
They don’t have to invest a lot into the Stephen Hawking wax statue, though.
