They jokes
Why don’t alligators grow up to 15 feet?
They only have 4.
Who are the fastest readers of all time?
People who jumped out of the Twin Towers. Why? Because they went through 13 stories within 5 seconds.
A person asks a taxidermist what they do for a living. The taxidermist replies, "Oh, you know, stuff."
What's the similarity between Catholic Priests and McDonalds? They both like sticking their meat in 6-year-old buns.
A friend texts to another:
"Hey." They reply, "What's up?"
The first friend then replies with a simple answer, "The sky!" But the other friend intervenes and says, "No, it's the ceiling!"
To then the first friend finishes the greeting with, "Unless you're homeless or six feet under."
Q: You want to know why I don’t make jokes about 9/11?
A: They tend to crash and burn.
The other day at school we had to write down our hero and what we would do if they walked into our house. I got off easy because my hero is Stephen Hawking.
They laughed at my crayon drawing.
I laughed at their chalk outline.
What's the best thing about dead baby jokes?
They never get old.
9/11 jokes aren’t funny.
They always crash and burn.
Why did the researchers want all the shore birds high on marijuana?
They wanted to leave no tern unstoned.
A father and a son were painting pictures together. The son and father were drawing the exact same thing to a T, and the son said, "What happened to your hand?" looking at the scar tissue near the father's knuckle. The father replied with, "You know what happened, you were there." The son continues to deny this until they both finish their paintings. They're exactly the same.
The father passes out for a few hours and wakes up to find that there's only one painting.
I got some new jeans yesterday, until I realized they didn't fit me around the waist, so I went looking for a belt. I couldn't find one. Then I had a really good idea. I could attach a ton of watches together to make a belt! But then I just thought it was a waste of time.
What's so special about bullets?
They do work after they are fired.
My friend was a victim of a school shooting once, but he couldn't tell if they were in the library because of the suppressor on his AR.
Why do orphans always get picked on?
They can't run and tell their parents.
Why do orphans never play baseball?
'Cause they can never get a home run.
A man and a woman get married. The woman was a retired hooker. The man was a poet.
The man said as they did 69, "You taste better than my most delicious gourmet meal." The woman said, "Well, you aren’t too bad either, but the best 69 I’ve gotten and given was Harry. He did it for 24 hours nonstop." They got divorced that night.
Q: What do priests have in common with McDonald's?
A: They both put their meat in 13-year-old buns.
Why do tigers have stripes? They don't want to be spotted.