Thereness jokes

I asked someone why they were crying. They told me that they had to abort their twins.

Then someone yelled "DAMN DOUBLE HOMICIDE!"

Why can't America play chess?

They're already missing 2 towers.

There is one difference between autistic kids and vegetarians.

They're both vegetables in serotonin ways.

Why did the cops come over?

Because parents had kids in their basement.

Let’s try and make this joke the most liked and commented on this website. (Ps, you may need to say it out loud to get it.)

I went to a zoo and there were no people and there was one dog. It was a shih tzu.

Dad, there was one day I was playing jump rope with a pig, and then I made pulled pork out of him.

Son, he is dinner.

There are two kids sitting in a classroom: Lily and John. Lily sleeps in class every day.

The teacher asks Lily who made heaven and earth. John pokes her with a pencil. She shouts, "Jesus Christ Almighty!"

The teacher says, "That's right."

The teacher says the next day she asks the same question. John pokes her with a pencil. She shouts, "Jesus Christ Almighty!"

"That's right," the teacher says.

The next day she asks Lily what did Eve say to Adam after their 100th. John pokes her again. "If you stick that thing in me one more time, I'mma break it in half!" she shouts.

Did you know there was food on the plane that caused 9/11?

It was the bomb.

Why is there no invitation to an internet party for those with laptops? Everyone can get in.

Why are there blind people? Because there is.

Why can’t Stephen Hawking go to Heaven?

Because there wasn’t a ramp.

Getting a book on pasta?

Yes. Just imagine the pastabilities there are!

I like whiteboards.

They're quite re-markable.

My joke is about Archer, riddles, sex life. Wait, sorry, there is none.

Thanks for reading Archer’s love life story.

Stephen Hawking couldn't make it to Heaven because there were stairs, so he rolled down to Hell.

There's a new horror movie about Stephen Hawking.

It's called "Unplugged!"

Villager: KNOCK KNOCK

Steve: Who's there?

Villager: I'm not talking anymore.

Steve: I'm not talking anymore who?

Why do orphans play Roblox? Because there is a game called "Adopt Me!"

Why do men midgets laugh when they run?

Because their balls get tickled by the grass.

Why do Catholic priests make the best cocksuckers for gay and bisexual men that are members of the Catholic Church?

Because there are glory holes inside of the confessional booths.