Thereness jokes

Why can an orphan not do school work?

Because they have to take their work home to their parents.

In Antarctica, there are ice dicks for ladies to hop onto.

Little do they know I've been waiting for this moment.

I refuse to believe my dad got fired as a road worker for theft. But when I came home, there were signs everywhere.

One day, there were three people: a mom and two kids. One of the kids walks up and asks her mom why she was named Rose. Her mom told her that she ate a rose petal when she was born; that is why she was named Rose.

Then the second child walked up and yelled, "Ahhhhhh!" and the mom said, "Shut up, Billy Goat!"

What's the best thing about 20-1 year olds... there's 20.

Knock knock.

Who's there?

Depression medicine and therapy.

GO AWAY!

So, a guy is taking a piss in a public bathroom. He looks over and sees a short guy with a very large green dick, who looks up at him and says, “Is there a problem, boyoh?”

“I’m sorry, it’s just that thing is huge, and why the hell is it green?!” The man replies, “I’m a leprechaun.”

“Really?” says the man.

“That’s right. And I’ll grant you three wishes if you let me stick it in your pooper.”

“Anything I want?! Three of them?” replies the man.

“Anything in your wildest dreams, boyoh, but you have to let me finish.”

The man bends over, and the leprechaun puts it in. Thrusting back and forth, he asks for the man’s first wish.

“I want a giant yacht!”

“Aye,” says the leprechaun. “It’s pulling into your own private harbor now.”

“For my second wish, I want a billion dollars,” the man says, beginning to sweat.

“Aye, it’s stacked inside the yacht waiting for you,” the leprechaun replies.

“Okay,” the man groans in pain. “For my final wish, I want this yacht to be full of beautiful women.”

“You betcha, boyoh,” says the leprechaun. “The girls are there waiting for you nooWWW,” as he lets out a moan of pleasure.

The man, exhausted and sore, says, “That was rough, but worth it for those wishes. Where do I go?”

The little man with the giant green dick, pulling up his pants, his accent now gone says: “Aren’t you a little old to be believing in leprechauns?”

Why is it so easy to bully an orphan? What are they gonna do, tell their mum?

"Knock knock." "Who's there?" "You're." "You're who?" "You're parents left you."

Roses are red. Your blood is too. You look like a monkey And belong in a zoo.

Do not worry, I will be there too. Not in the cage, But laughing at you.

Any body have nothing to do? Well here is a prank that you'll never forget!

(Btw I never actually did this irl yet)

So tell your parents at night to come in in about 30 minutes cuz your legs hurt and you need them rubbed. So when they come in, pretend like your sleeping and right before they go out shout: NO! Then they will look at you but you'll be sleeping. (The idea is that you'll be sleep talking.) Then you start to cuss and say the most random things like: Hey you can't chew my cud it's mine, plus, you even went swimming today at that damm lake! Also say something like: YOU SON OF A BITCH! *swat in the air once* Then say: Why I made your f*ckin' bed today you stupid parents! *swat three times* And btw try and not smile as hard as it may be cuz they will be looking at you weird. And try to open your eyes just enough so you can see them. And depending on the tipe of parent you have they may wake you up by then or they will get interested and start laughing! Any way, then say: That mother f*cker that lives across the street just said I was ugly, you should do something about it(sibling name) ______. And also say: And if you happen to know where the nearest store is then that would be helpful. Then say: No Hulk! Leave me alone I love you! *swat twice*. Then say: Uncle Timmy Tom you are such a nude nick.(my dad made up the word nude nick, it just means crazy and annoying) Then settle down and lay on your stomach in your "sleep" and make it look like you putting the blanket on you more, but irl it would probably be to hide a smile! I think I will stop there cuz I don't think any one could hold in there laughter that long and if you feel like you can hold out longer then just make something up.

I hope you guys can do this and it goes well for you! Please comment! Byeee!

My little sister called my name a few minutes after I put her to bed. She told me that there was something in her closet. I checked the closet and told her there was nothing there, but told her she could still sleep in my room with me. I was thinking that was the best way to get her out of the room before he noticed I saw him.

Why did Sally fall off of the swing?

Because she has no arms.

Knock knock.

"Who's there?"

Not Sally.

Knock knock.

Who's there?

Interrupting cow.

Interrupting cow who?

MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

If Jesus told you to trust everyone, that must be why there are a lot of kidnappings.

There was a kid being mean to another kid at an orphanage. The kid said, "Stop!" but the mean one said, "What are you going to do? Call your mommy?"

There's nothing stronger than love, except for an M32 Rotary Grenade Launcher because fuck you and everyone near you.

If you ever get mad, just punch an orphan. What are they supposed to do? Tell their parents?

Yo mama so fat that when I banged her in the jacuzzi, there was a level 8 tsunami.

"Knock, knock." "Who's there?" "Tank." "Tank who?" "You're welcome!"