Thereness jokes

There’s a lot of talk about starting families, but no one ever talks about finishing what they started.

Imagine a white van. Now imagine a white guy in the driver seat with a sombrero on and his arm out the window, and on the side of the van it says "Free Candy." But there's blood all over the van and a dead clown in the back.

Q: What did the kid on the airplane say?

A: "Those are two nice towers right there."

Troll your friend by saying "I" and saying "cup," and then tell them that that means "I see you pee."

LOL

There is also "lettuce cup," which means "let us see you pee."

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

I don't know, but the Twin Towers do.

There was an exam music quiz question about Gary Glitter. Now, if there's anyone you don't want to associate with the phrase "shh, turn over, you've got an hour," it's him.

Shit, my bad. I should leave him alone, he just wants to settle down and have kids.

Why is there only a glory hole in the handicapped stall in some public men's restrooms?

Because a gay man that is not physically handicapped can't receive a blow job from a gay man that is physically handicapped under the handicapped stall.

A proud father has six children. He always calls his wife "mother of six" to her displeasure.

One night at a party, he yells across the room, "Mom of six, we're going now." She replies: "I'll be right there, father of four."

There's only 3 types of people: the ones who can count and the ones that can't.

Every depressed person just has to say, "I WANT TO JUMP OFF THAT TALL BUILDING RIGHT THERE!" and then points to the building and runs up to it like an immature child, and then they get disappointed when they aren't allowed into the building.

Why are there no chemists in Africa?

Because you can’t take tablets on an empty stomach.

What's the difference between your new girlfriend and a tornado? At first, there is a lot of blowing, and then your house will be gone.

I went to the aquarium this weekend, but I didn’t stay long. There’s something fishy about that place.

If your house is cold, just stand in the corner. It's always 90 degrees there.

There are 4 billion women on earth. Why isn't it clean yet?

Me: Knock, knock.

Another person (OP): OP: Who's there? Me: Hatch. OP: Hatch who? Me: Bless you =) OP: But I didn't sneeze. Me: You just don't get a joke, do you?

Hey, are you bored? Kick an orphan, what are they going to do? Tell their parents?

Why shouldn’t you play cards in Africa?

'Cause there’s too many cheetahs.

"If two sides in a battlefield read my book, there will be no winner."

Sun Tzu, The Art of War.

What an upside to being an orphan!

There's things called family-size bags.