Thereness jokes
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Your mom.
Your mom who?
O shit, my mom's home! Honey, get the f*** out of my house!
There is a man and a woman on a date.
The woman asked what kind of things do you love?
The table starts to lift up on the man's side and the man says sorry.
Teacher: Where's your homework?
Student: At home...
Teacher: What's it doing there?
Student: Having a better time than me.
Have you ever wondered why orphans hate milk?
'Cause their dad never came back with it.
There's 3 words in important: I'm, port, ant.
There has to be a connection
Three men are on a bench in Soviet Russia talking shit about Stalin. One of the men all of a sudden pulls out a KGB badge and says, "You two are coming with me for treason." One of the other men also pulls out a badge and says, "Not me." The third man pulls out a badge and says, "Wow? There's a lot of agents here."
Jack and Jill Went up the hill to have some hanky panky.
Silly Jill forgot her pill. And now there's little Franky.
Where is the pocket?
It is there, the pocket.
Quoting the great Jimmy Carr: "When I cook, I make sure there are vegetarian options. They can make do, or they can fuck off."
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
UR MUM!
You're so ugly that when your mama had you, she tried to give you away, but there was nowhere to give you.
There were two twins, and they were both very tall.
The next thing they knew, they were on the floor, and there were planes up their asses.
Why did the vegetable cross the road? He didn't, he just sat there.
What do you call a person with a hole in their shoe?
A Christian.
Why do Indians have a red dot on their head?
Because they're recording.
What did the kangaroo say to the elephant? Hi up there!
There should be a "kick an orphan" day.
What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?
Why do midgets laugh while they run?
The grass tickles their balls.
Why do you never play a game of cards in the jungle? Because there are cheetahs!
Knock Knock! Who's there? Candace Candace who? Can deez nuts fit in your mouth?