Thereness jokes

What’s one thing you can say during family dinner and in bed?

"Will there be seconds?"

What does a white person say when they're surrounded by black guys? "Hey, who turned the lights out?!"

A cop pulls over a carload of nuns.

The cop says, "Sister, this is a 55 MPH highway. Why are you going so slow?"

The Sister replies, "Sir, I saw a lot of signs that said 41, not 55."

The cop answers, "Oh, Sister, that's not the speed limit, that's the name of the highway you are on!"

The Sister says, "Oh! Silly me! Thanks for letting me know. I'll be more careful."

At this point, the cop looks in the backseat where the other nuns are shaking and trembling. The cop asks, "Excuse me, Sister, what's wrong with your friends back there? They are shaking something terrible."

The Sister answers, "We just got off Highway 101."

There was a kid crying. I asked him where his parents were. He cried more. I love working at an orphanage.

They're making a new Alien movie.

There are so many aliens you can't keep track.

Yesterday during the storm, there was a blackout, so I shot him.

Whenever I work late at the hospital, I help the patients sleep.

There isn't a snooze button on the beeping things, and it can be quite annoying, making it hard for the patients to sleep, so I unplug them.

How is slavery different from Pokémon?

There are different types of Pokémon.

Yesterday, there was a blackout on my street.

So I sold them.

There are 4 billion women on earth. Why isn't it clean yet?

Why are there no pharmacies in Africa?

Because you can’t take medicine on an empty stomach.

If your house is cold, just stand in the corner. It's always 90 degrees there.

I went to the aquarium this weekend, but I didn’t stay long. There’s something fishy about that place.

Knock knock.

Who's there?

Fuck.

Fuck who?

Fuck off!

Every depressed person just has to say, "I WANT TO JUMP OFF THAT TALL BUILDING RIGHT THERE!" and then points to the building and runs up to it like an immature child, and then they get disappointed when they aren't allowed into the building.

There's only 3 types of people: the ones who can count and the ones that can't.

Yo mama so fat, when God said, "Let there be light," He was just asking her to move.

There is an Afghan Barbie; it’s a blow-up doll.

So, there's a black guy, a white guy, and a Mexican. They find a genie's lamp, they rub it, and poof! Appears the genie!

The genie goes to the black guy and asks, "What's your one wish?" The black guy goes, "I wish for me and all my people to be back in Africa, happy and everything." So poof! His wish is granted.

Then, the genie goes to the Mexican and asks, "What's your one wish?" The Mexican goes, "I wish for me and all my people to be in Mexico, happy and everything." So poof! His wish is granted.

Now, the genie goes over to the white guy and asks, "What's your one wish?" and the white guy asks, "You mean to tell me that all the black and Mexican people are out of America?" The genie replies, "Yes."

The white guy goes, "Then I'll have a Coke."

I was at my bank today waiting in a short line. There was just one lady in front of me, an Asian lady, who was trying to exchange yen for dollars. It was obvious she was a little irritated. She asked the teller, "Why it change? Yesterday, I get two hunat dolla of yen. Today I only get hunat eighty? Why it change?" The teller shrugged his shoulders and said, "Fluctuations." The Asian lady says, "Fluc you white people too!"