Them jokes

What do your girlfriend and a pool have in common? They both cost a lot of money for the amount of time you’re inside them.

If anyone ever makes a time machine, please make a bunker for Hitler/the Nazis and send them to 2050. I want to see who would die first, future us or them.

What is an orphan's favorite toy?

Answer: A boomerang, because it is the only thing that comes back to them.

Yoo! I found a $100 bill, found a child who said they lost their $100 bill. Gave them $25.

When God gives you glory, you give it back.

What's the difference between an orphan's parents and his boomerang?

One of them actually came back.

Scientists make skyscrapers and airplanes.

Religion crashes them.

Every time I work late at the hospital, I help the patients sleep.

There isn't a snooze button on the beeping things, so I unplug them.

Why do orphans have no bruises?

Because they have no dad to beat them.

What is an orphan’s least favorite movie?

"Spider-Man," because it told them there was no way home.

My family is like treasure; you need a map and a shovel to find them.

I didn't mean to call an Afghanistan hotline. I told them I was depressed, then they asked if I know how to drive a truck. I don't know how that has anything to do with it!

In a game, there are crew members that have to keep the ship running. But little did they know, there was an imposter among them.

Sound familiar? 🤔

Well, in September 11th...

Little Johnny walked into his parents' room to see them going at it.

He asked his mom what they were doing, and she said, "Uh, we're play fighting," and he's like, "With no clothes on?"

She said, "Yeah," and so he said, "Let me join you then..."

What do you call a person with 2 black eyes?

Nothing, you told them twice.

So I told an orphan to slap themselves until they are wanted. I came back the next day to see them slapping themselves. Then I stopped them and told them to punch themselves.

The next day I saw a dead orphan.

I punched an orphan and told him to go back to his parents and tell them about it... Oh, wait.

Can two high-femme lesbians go on a date with each other?

Yes, but it will take them forever to get ready.

What's the difference between an apple and an orphan?

At least one of them gets picked.

My dad said people shouldn’t get ribbons just for participating because it rewards them for losing.

So I took down his confederate flag.

If there are 4 Mexicans in a van, which of them is driving?

None of them. Immigration service is.