Them jokes

What is the best way to kill a special ed kid?

Call them retarded.

If it's true what they say and I quote, "God never gives you more than you can handle," then you should pray to those who didn't, that God gave them a body strong enough to survive the attempt.

These two guys were at a bar flirting with these girls. The guy says, "Are you a parking ticket, 'cause you got fine written all over you?"

The girl turns and says, "How about you pay for them, and then I can pay you back with me getting all over you?"

What does the school shooter do after he shoots a victim? He shoots more kids in them!

You see a boat filled with people, yet there isn’t a single person on board. How is that possible?

All of them are married!

My friends in my friend group say that I am quiet and I don't do anything bad. I proved them wrong by murdering the leader of it.

Jeff, did you hear they're making a film about Jimmy Savile? It’s a very touchy subject.

Yeah, I did, Gary, but did you hear the reviews on the Bill Cosby film? People said it was so boring it put them to sleep.

Why do kids want to become cops?

They want to find the guy who touched them.

Why did the emo kid hate the nun? (Cuz nun of them were emo.)

One day Little Johnny’s class is having an English lesson. The teacher asks them, “Who can use the word intelligent in a sentence?” Little Mary says, “The teacher is very intelligent.” The teacher asks them, “Who can use the word fashionable in a sentence?” Little Suzie says, “They are very fashionable.” The teacher says, “Johnny, why don’t you have a go? Use the word dictate in a sentence.” Johnny thinks for a moment and then says, "Last night I heard Daddy asking Mommy, ‘Darling, how does my dick taste?’”

Yesterday, there was a blackout on my street.

So I sold them.

Why is it so hard to play hide-and-seek in an orphanage?

Because nobody is looking for them.

Why do orphans play GTA?

To make them feel wanted.

Why are orphans so fond of shadows?

They're the only thing that accompanies them always.

Three men are on a boat. They have four cigarettes, but nothing to light them with. So, they throw a cigarette overboard and the whole boat becomes a cigarette lighter.

I now know what my first tattoo should be, zebra stripes! Not like anyone would know the difference between them.

Do you know why people in wheelchairs don’t pay for them?

Because they have to pay for road tax.

I've got 99 problems and one of them is that I count my problems instead of solving them.

The day I saw people asking Lebron James whether he liked to play basketball, my thoughts be like: wait, so Lebron James is gay cuz he likes to play with them balls.

So, on one partly cloudy night, there was a boy and his dad gazing up at the sky.

Dad: Aren't the stars just wonderful?

Boy: I'm not sure, from my angle, all I see are clouds.

Dad: Well, come over here and take a look.

Boy: Damn, the clouds always move when I get to the right spot!

Dad: Well then, I guess I will have to make you see them everywhere you look then.

Then the Dad shook and spun the boy around till he said...

NOW I'M SEEING STARS!!!