Yoo! I found a $100 bill, found a child who said they lost their $100 bill. Gave them $25.
When God gives you glory, you give it back.
If anyone ever makes a time machine, please make a bunker for Hitler/the Nazis and send them to 2050. I want to see who would die first, future us or them.
I can always tell if someone is lying just by looking at them.
I can also tell if they are standing.
As I am from South Carolina, I just thought about something Jefferson Davis would have thought about:
"Them slaves taking credit for everything."
If your eyes were the sea, I would drown in them.
How do you know if a chick is too fat?
If you pull her pants down, her ass is still in them.
Scientists make skyscrapers and airplanes.
Religion crashes them.
The best way to tell a Hindu person and a Muslim person apart is asking them, "Are you 7-Eleven or 9/11?"
What is an orphan’s least favorite movie?
"Spider-Man," because it told them there was no way home.
In a game, there are crew members that have to keep the ship running. But little did they know, there was an imposter among them.
Sound familiar? 🤔
Well, in September 11th...
Little Johnny walked into his parents' room to see them going at it.
He asked his mom what they were doing, and she said, "Uh, we're play fighting," and he's like, "With no clothes on?"
She said, "Yeah," and so he said, "Let me join you then..."
So I told an orphan to slap themselves until they are wanted. I came back the next day to see them slapping themselves. Then I stopped them and told them to punch themselves.
The next day I saw a dead orphan.
What do you call a person with 2 black eyes?
Nothing, you told them twice.
My balls are high, just like the towers, but when something impales them, they begin to sag.
Why do orphans have no bruises?
Because they have no dad to beat them.
What’s the similarity between my dick and my girlfriend? I beat both of them.
Canada being the most educated country in the world is bemusing, considering that Canadians cannot spell "legalise" and "programme" correctly.
Oh, and most of them do not realise that it's day-month-year, NOT month-day-year.
Did the tree high five the emos?
No, he just left them hanging.
I saw a kid crying, so I asked them, "Where are your parents?" Then she cried harder, so I left the orphanage.
What's the difference between an orphan's parents and his boomerang?
One of them actually came back.
