Them jokes
How many push-ups can Chuck Norris do?
All of them.
What's the difference between a man's wife and his dog?
Lock them both in the trunk for three hours and see which is happy to see you when you open it.
A physicist, an engineer and a programmer were in a car driving over a steep alpine pass when the brakes failed. The car was getting faster and faster, they were struggling to get round the corners and once or twice only the feeble crash barrier saved them from crashing down the side of the mountain. They were sure they were all going to die, when suddenly they spotted an escape lane. They pulled into the escape lane, and came safely to a halt. The physicist said, "We need to model the friction in the brake pads and the resultant temperature rise, see if we can work out why they failed." The engineer said, "I think I've got a few spanners in the back. I'll take a look and see if I can work out what's wrong." The programmer said, "Why don't we get going again and see if it's reproducible?"
Why are emos useful in stores? A: Their barcodes give them discounts.
Did you know penguins can fly if you throw them hard enough? Just like children!
Father: I am taking your toys to the orphanage.
Son: Why?
Father: You’ll need them there.
Katsuki Bakugou went into a bar and said: "Where is that damn nerd?!?". Everyone was confused.
Bakugou says: "Tell me where Deku is or I'll kill you!" He kills them all because they all have green hair.
If a sped is late for class, is it wrong to call them tardy?
How many kids does it take to paint a wall?
Depends on how hard you throw them. 😂😂😂😂
Three boy chihuahua were hot about this girl chihuahua. She tells them, "I will date whichever one of you can use liver and cheese in the same sentence."
First dog says, "I love cheese, but liver is bland."
She replies, "Really original."
Next dog, "I love liver, but cheese makes me constipated."
She replies, "Ew, gross."
Third dog steps up, "Man, liver alone cheese mine."
Winner dog 3.
When I dunk my cookies in milk, I think of you. I hold them down until the bubbles stop.
What's the best part about having sex with 28 year olds? There are 20 of them.
Why didn't Michael Jackson date 25 year olds?
Because there were only 20 of them.
What's the best thing about f***ing twenty-six year olds?
There's twenty of them.
What do a friend and a mouse have in common? They will both be angry if you throw bricks at them.
What does Michael Jackson like about 28 year olds? There's 20 of them!
My mom is the jelly, and my dad is the peanut butter. And I am the bread, the only thing keeping them together.
What do an abortion and a baby have in common?
The mom doesn't want either of them.
I got these two people in my class we call them Twin Towers, so when I heard about it I threw a paper airplane at them.
Why do trees never call emo kids? Because they always hang up on them.