Them jokes

I know 5 fat people, and your mama is 4 of them.

Most people smother babies with love.

I smother them with pillows.

Two Indians talk over a long distance using smoke signals.

In the middle of the conversation, a nuclear bomb explodes behind one of them, and a huge cloud of smoke rises silently into the sky.

The other Indian signals with smoke: "Not so loud!"

How do you disrespect an Asian?

Give them driving lessons.

How do you confuse a blonde?

Tell them to stand in the corner in a round room.

You keep your quality beans for the right season till you realize that you planted them on the infertile land.

What has more brains than a student in a school shooting? The wall behind them.

Q: What do blind kids and orphans have in common?

A: Neither of them get to see their parents.

I was asked at school to draw a line across the paper, but instead I showed them my wrists.

So there were these two wind turbines standing in a field, and one of them asks the other, "What kind of music do you like?"

The other thinks for a moment and says, "I'm a big metal fan."

What’s the difference between an orphan and a flower? One of them gets picked.

An old woman goes to the doctor complaining of extremely smelly gas.

"I don't understand it, Doc," she said, "I have this terrible, terrible gas." "Thankfully," she added, "they are at least silent when I fart."

Doctor hands her a bottle of pills, tells her take them all and then come back to see him.

The old woman returned a short time later extremely mad. "I took those pills like you said and not only is my gas smelly, but now when I fart they are obnoxiously loud!", she yelled.

The doctor said, "well, now that we've solved your hearing problem, let's see what we can do about that gas".

Slavery is like Pokémon, you gotta catch them all.

My kids are so ungrateful. I got them a new dishwasher and they just won't stop complaining about their mom.

When someone falls, you say to them, "I remember when I started to learn to walk."

Two police officers crash their car into a tree. After a moment of silence, one of them says, "Wow, that's got to be the fastest we've ever gotten to an accident site."

Making fun of someone you're angry with is childish. Be an adult and hit them with your car <3

Scrolled through all of them, still haven't laughed.

I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with, but I have been tripping all day!

Mrs. Harolen: Students, tomorrow's assignment is to bring your parents to school for a conference with the teacher information.

Garen: I want to know who cannot bring their parents to a conference. ORPHANS!

Students: Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

Mrs. Harolen: Garen sit down! NOW!

Garen: Hey, why can't orphans get a dog? They don't have their parents to drive them to the animal shelter.

Halen: Yeah! Why are orphans racist? Because they never saw their parents with a different race!

Students: No, that's not funny!

Student: SHUT UP!