Them jokes

What’s the difference between a woman and a policeman? One of them have rights.

When ordering food at a new restaurant, my wife asked the waiter what they do to prepare their chicken.

“Nothing special,” he explained. “We just tell them they’re going to die.”

What do orgasms and pulses have in common?

I don’t care if they have either of them.

Why do women wear panties with flowers on them?

In loving memory of all the faces that have been buried there.

Why do rappers love the gym?

'Cause they're all about them heavy bars.

Where did Jeffrey Epstein go to college?

Bring them young.

How many babies does it take to paint a wall?

It depends on how hard you throw them.

Dark humor and women are very similar...

Not everyone appreciates them, but they both give everyone something to make fun of.

I congratulated my friend on losing all that baby weight. She started crying and told me I should make them for miscarriage like that......

9/11 is like genders.

There used to be two of them, and now it’s a touchy subject.

Husband: "Honey, I just bought these special Olympic-style condoms!"

Wife: "Olympic-style condoms? What makes them so special?"

Husband: "They come in three colors: gold, silver, and bronze."

Wife: "Ooh, sweet. What color are you going to wear tonight?"

Husband: "Gold, of course!"

Wife: "Why don't you wear silver? It would be nice if you came second for a change."

Yoo! I found a $100 bill, found a child who said they lost their $100 bill. Gave them $25.

When God gives you glory, you give it back.

Canada being the most educated country in the world is bemusing, considering that Canadians cannot spell "legalise" and "programme" correctly.

Oh, and most of them do not realise that it's day-month-year, NOT month-day-year.

What is an orphan’s least favorite movie?

"Spider-Man," because it told them there was no way home.

I didn't mean to call an Afghanistan hotline. I told them I was depressed, then they asked if I know how to drive a truck. I don't know how that has anything to do with it!

My dad said people shouldn’t get ribbons just for participating because it rewards them for losing.

So I took down his confederate flag.

*P.O.V orphan wanting to go on school trip/camp*

Teacher: “Can I have your parent's signature? It isn’t filled out.”

Orphan: “Um yeah.... That’s gonna be hard....”

Teacher: “Why?”

Orphan: “I just have to find them first....”

In a game, there are crew members that have to keep the ship running. But little did they know, there was an imposter among them.

Sound familiar? 🤔

Well, in September 11th...

Little Johnny walked into his parents' room to see them going at it.

He asked his mom what they were doing, and she said, "Uh, we're play fighting," and he's like, "With no clothes on?"

She said, "Yeah," and so he said, "Let me join you then..."

What do you call a person with 2 black eyes?

Nothing, you told them twice.