Them jokes

Why do humans hate aliens?

Because Fortnite took them out of the game, and I want aliens back in Fortnite!

Three men are working on a building site.

Every day, they sit down to eat their lunch together at the top of the building.

The first man opens his lunchbox to reveal a ham sandwich.

"By god," the man exclaims, "I hate ham sandwiches. I’ve been working in construction for twenty years, and every day, despite me telling her how much I despise it, my wife gives me a ham sandwich. If I get a ham sandwich in my lunch again, I will throw myself off the top of this building and kill myself."

The second man opens his lunchbox, revealing a cheese sandwich.

"Holy crow, another cheese sandwich! I hate these things, I tell you. Every day, I tell my wife how much I despise cheese sandwiches, but I still get them in my lunch. I’m with you buddy—if I ever get a cheese sandwich in my lunch again, I’m killing myself."

The third man, having opened his lunchbox, now pipes in.

"I don’t believe it—another tuna sandwich! If I had a penny for every time I’ve told my wife how much I hate these, I wouldn’t have to work on this sordid site no more! I’m sick of it—count me in, if I get a tuna sandwich in my lunchbox again, I’m killing myself."

The next day, the three men regroup at the top of the building and open their lunchboxes: the first man – a ham sandwich, the second – a cheese sandwich, the third – a tuna sandwich.

The three men exchange solemn looks before jumping in unison from the height of the building.

At the funeral for the three men, their grieving wives turn to each other.

"If only I’d known how much he didn’t like ham sandwiches," says the first man’s wife, "I always thought he was being ironic!"

"And if only I’d known how much he didn’t like cheese sandwiches," says the second man’s wife, "I always thought he was being sarcastic!"

"And if only I’d known how much he didn’t like tuna sandwiches," says the third man’s wife, "but I don’t know what good it would have done—the fool made his own lunch!"

What did the squirrel say to the dog?

"There are nuts in your poop. I found them!"

Did you know the giraffe’s hooves are the size of dinner plates? Too bad they would have nothing to put on them!

Why don't feminists like to eat hotdogs? Because they remind them of men's dicks.

How can a person from Alabama tell that someone is an illegal immigrant?

If they are dating someone that isn't related to them.

I was driving and accidentally hit a crippled kid. They were still breathing, so I told them to walk it off.

Your breasts remind me of Mount Rushmore – my face should be among them.

I piss on blind kids and tell them it's raining.

Any body have nothing to do? Well here is a prank that you'll never forget!

(Btw I never actually did this irl yet)

So tell your parents at night to come in in about 30 minutes cuz your legs hurt and you need them rubbed. So when they come in, pretend like your sleeping and right before they go out shout: NO! Then they will look at you but you'll be sleeping. (The idea is that you'll be sleep talking.) Then you start to cuss and say the most random things like: Hey you can't chew my cud it's mine, plus, you even went swimming today at that damm lake! Also say something like: YOU SON OF A BITCH! *swat in the air once* Then say: Why I made your f*ckin' bed today you stupid parents! *swat three times* And btw try and not smile as hard as it may be cuz they will be looking at you weird. And try to open your eyes just enough so you can see them. And depending on the tipe of parent you have they may wake you up by then or they will get interested and start laughing! Any way, then say: That mother f*cker that lives across the street just said I was ugly, you should do something about it(sibling name) ______. And also say: And if you happen to know where the nearest store is then that would be helpful. Then say: No Hulk! Leave me alone I love you! *swat twice*. Then say: Uncle Timmy Tom you are such a nude nick.(my dad made up the word nude nick, it just means crazy and annoying) Then settle down and lay on your stomach in your "sleep" and make it look like you putting the blanket on you more, but irl it would probably be to hide a smile! I think I will stop there cuz I don't think any one could hold in there laughter that long and if you feel like you can hold out longer then just make something up.

I hope you guys can do this and it goes well for you! Please comment! Byeee!

Johnny Depp fans claim to support their god because they sympathize with male victims of sexual assault. Yet a large chunk of them cheer on Wacko Jacko raping little boys, calling it "innocent".

Spend all night in a dark humor webpage.

Go to an orphanage today and read it to them.

And I'm sure if you go to a school for disabled children, they should understand it.

Have anyone seen my balls? I can't find them on my chest.

Hey! My balls are on your thing!

So, at school there are these twins. At my school, I folded two paper airplanes to throw at them. Once I realized why it felt so wrong to do it, I had already threw them. I hit the north, then the south one.

How do you keep a blind person entertained? Give them a piece of sandpaper and tell them it’s a word.

"If you can make them laugh and giggle, you can make their booty shake and jiggle."

When an orphan is playing baseball, how come the coach doesn't tell them to hit it home?

He has no home to hit to.

How many babies does it take to paint a wall?

Depends how hard you throw them.

You're so ugly that blind people cry when you walk past them.

Little Johnny asks, "Mommy, where do babies come from?"

His mother replies, "The stork brings them."

Little Johnny, puzzled, asks, "Then who fucks the stork?"