Them jokes
People are like trees...
If you hit them with an ax multiple times, they'll fall over.
Here's what to do if an annoying person keeps talking to you. First, ignore them until they ask you if you're going to respond. Then ask them: if they were walking down the street and a rabid dog suddenly started barking at them, would they get on all fours and bark back? After that, continue to ignore them.
I got in trouble in school today. The teacher said, "I'm gonna call your parents!"
I said, "Let me know when you find them." <3
How do you disrespect an Asian?
Give them driving lessons.
How do you confuse a blonde?
Tell them to stand in the corner in a round room.
DAD: I'm bringing your toys to the orphanage.
SON: Why?
DAD: You're going to need them.
Women be like chivalry is dead, then don't say thank you when you open the door for them.
What's the difference between my car and a school bus? A school bus takes them back home.
So, there were kids in the bus, and half of them were white, and the other half was black.
All the kids wanted to sit at the back, so the bus driver said to all the kids, "Stop fighting. From now on, everyone is now green." So, the bus driver said to all the kids, "Dark green go to the front, and light green at the back."
One weekend some distant family members that I hadn't met before came over. My cousins (who I also hadn't met before) were fighting, so I decided to separate them and place them in opposite corners of the room (thinking it would help).
My mom took me to an empty room with tears in her eyes and told me they both ended up dying.
Well, SO-RRY, but I didn't know they were conjoined twins.
How do you fit 1000 babies in a swimming pool?
A blender.
How do you get them out? Slurp them up with a straw.
I know five fat people, and you're three of them.
Why can't orphans be gay?
Because no one will call them daddy.
What falls first, an apple or an Emo kid?
An apple, because the Emo has a rope holding them.
How does a non-binary ninja kill someone?
They slash them.
Who is more loyal: a dog or a wife?
Well, lock them both in your trunk for two hours and drive around and see which one is happy to see you.
Why does Darth Vader always choke people?
Because he wants them to feel what his Sith Lord does to him in bed.
How do Chinese people name their kids?
They throw them down the stairs and see what noise they make! WA WA WAAAAAAAAAAAA!
My friend asked me why I know how to tie a noose.
I told them, "because I’m such a noose-ance."
Why can’t balls move? Because no one is there to voice them around.