Them jokes
When I see the names of lovers engraved on a tree, I don’t find it cute or romantic. I find it weird how many people take knives with them on dates.
Why can't orphans be home schooled?
Because they have no parent to home school them.
Why can orphans never go to the shops?
'Cause the Talibans will plane dive into them.
DAD: I'm bringing your toys to the orphanage.
SON: Why?
DAD: You're going to need them.
My mom is the jelly, and my dad is the peanut butter. And I am the bread, the only thing keeping them together.
I asked my new girlfriend how many men she’d had before me.
She said not to worry, she could count them all on one hand.
Unfortunately, this was when I noticed she’s holding her cell phone with a calculator app open. I took note of her wallet inside a picture of what appeared to be 10 guys. I asked and she said that’s my fam as well. I noticed an Alabama driver's license. I asked which one was her dad. She said that she doesn’t talk to him anymore because he had sex with the boss’s daughter. I casually asked what he did for work. Self-employed? She said that’s the last time I use ancestry.com!
What's the best part about having sex with 28 year olds? There are 20 of them.
Are your hands feeling heavy? Because I can hold them for you.
Why do orphans miss every hit? Because no one is cheering for them.
When it comes to bears, of course they always give bear hugs, well what do you call them when they aren't hugging right?
Just barely hugging you! Lol.
When your friend asks why you don't smile, then you look at them and realize no one is there because you have no friends. #my life
What does Michael Jackson like about 28 year olds? There's 20 of them!
Scrolled through all of them, still haven't laughed.
Three Europeans come to America. They are all captured by Native Americans, who want to kill them. But the Europeans beg to have their lives spared. The Native Americans agree not to kill them on one condition: the Europeans must go into the forest and bring back a fruit, and they will be informed what to do with it.
So the first guy comes back with a peach. The Native American says, "Shove it up your ass, if you laugh we kill you." So, he shoves the peach up his ass and he laughs, and the Native Americans kill him. The second guy comes back with a grape. The Native American tells him the same thing. He laughs, and the Native American kills him.
They both see each other in heaven, and the first guy says to the second guy, "I had a peach, and peaches are fuzzy, so that's why I laughed, but you had a grape, what happened?" The second guy says, “Oh yeah, I was doing just fine until I saw the other guy come back with a BANANA!!"
What did one pillow say to the other?
Nothing, meh, they just sang a song about a rogue chicken whose feathers had been sacrificed to make them.
How do you fit 15 babies into a shoe box?
A blender.
How do you get them out of the shoe box? A straw.
People are like bean burritos. You can eat them EVERY DAY, but you'll never run out.
I can't make any more songs because nobody likes them. So when you see a song you like, give it a like so I can continue making more songs.
If anyone would like a song played, type it in the comments. Type the name of the song, then type the person who made the song, the songwriter. Sincerely, Watersharky Music Productions.
Are the three little pigs orphans because their mom kicked them out of the house?
My elderly relatives like to tease me at weddings, saying, "You'll be next!"..
They soon stopped though, when I started to do the same to them at funerals.