Them jokes

Why do emo kids not like trees? They always leave them hanging.

Harry Kane and Hitler are similar; they both did nazi them losing.

Did you know you don't actually wash your hands?

They wash each other while you stand there looking at them like a creep.

Is there a mirror in your pants? Because I see myself in them.

Why do cheetahs have spots outside of their bodies?

Because they don't have them on the inside.

Dad: I heard an actor killed themselves with a knife. It was Reese something.

Mom: Witherspoon.

Dad: No, with a knife, you dummy!

When I dunk my cookies in milk, I think of you. I hold them down until the bubbles stop.

My dad is really angry at me for kicking the balls. He's the one that told me always aim for them. Is that why I don't have a brother?

I got these two people in my class we call them Twin Towers, so when I heard about it I threw a paper airplane at them.

You know they say, when you get lemons make lemonade... Well, I took that a little bit too literal.

Turns out squeezing your wife's tits as hard as you can hurts them.

But at least lemonade came out!

Kid walks in the door. "Mommy and Daddy, I'm home." Mommy and Daddy meanwhile in their room moaning. Kid runs to them thinking they're hurt and sees something he definitely shouldn't have.

10 minutes later, [he] kills himself.

I killed 5 orphans and tried to sell their organs.

Nobody still wanted them.

Why are orphans banned from the shop?

No adult to pay for them.

Them, losers.

Why are orphans bad at basketball?

Because no one is there for them to pass [the ball].

Did you know emos are the highest jumpers? Some of them are still in the air.

At a party, a young wife admonished her husband, "That's the fourth time you've gone back for ice cream and cake. Doesn't it embarrass you?"

"Why should it?" answered her spouse. "I keep telling them it's for you."

Q: How do you punish a blind person?

A: Give them a gun and tell them it's a hairdryer.

Why do orphans like being criminals?

Because then someone actually wants them.

One day this kid says to his dad, "Dad, they bully me at school."

His dad asks why, and the kid says, "They bully me because I got no hands."

Then his dad says, "Who would do such a thing like that? I want to know who they are. Point at them!"