Them jokes
Why are gay men better than straight women?
Because gay men are more willing to look after kids once they swallow them.
If a depressed kid tries to high five a tree, it leaves them hanging.
What's the similarity between Christmas stuffing and my penis?
I like them both inside dead animals, because alive animals feel too much like men, and then I'd cum too quick.
To teach kids about democracy, I let them vote on dinner. They picked tacos. Then I made pizza because they do not live in a swing state.
Blessed Brian, your secrets are safe with me... because I wasn’t listening when you told them.
A blind kid was talking to me because he was getting bullied...
I told him, "Just tell them what you see!"
It's easy to tell if a skeleton is lying to you because you can see right through them.
How are Black people like communism?
Because they’ll never work, but some of them are willing to give it a shot.
Why did the emo kids stop going to their favorite tree?
It died before them.
How do you knock out 26 kids in one punch?
Give them a Sandy Hook.
My friends in my friend group say that I am quiet and I don't do anything bad. I proved them wrong by murdering the leader of it.
Roses are red, violets are blue. I have five fingers, two of them are for you.
Why can't science be combined with religion?
Because science creates skyscrapers and planes, while religion combines them.
Why do orphans do so well in life?
When people told them "Go big or go home," they only had one option.
You know you have weird Indian parents when you can hear them canilingus each other.
How do you stun a Scotsman?
Ask them to say "purple burglar alarm".
What's the difference between a priest and customer service?
At least you can call customer service and tell them how your experience was.
What’s the hardest part about eating a vegetable?
Getting them back in the wheelchair.
I don't get people who treat you like shit and cross your boundaries, then are surprised when you have depression.
It's because of them after all. 🥰✨️
What's one way to drain someone's ego?
Hand them a mirror, and say they should see how ugly they turned out in life.