My therapist told me to write angry letters to those that upset me and never send them.
He is really going to hate the letter he never gets.
Why can orphans never be kidnapped?
No one can tell them that "your parents said that they would be delayed and I was told to pick you up."
My friend asked me why I know how to tie a noose.
I told them, "because I’m such a noose-ance."
[Them]: "Don't you think you'll feel ashamed of all the suicide jokes you've made when you get older?"
[Me]: "When I what?" 0-0
You know how in Pinocchio the French puppets have the thigh rings?
Well, I got them too! Only red and thinner.
Why are Indians such good actors
Most of them are phone scammers
Genders are like the twin towers. There used to be 2 of them but now it’s a sensitive subject.
An Autistic chef made hamburgers out of donkey meat.
He called them: "Asperger's."
I bought some sneakers from a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with, but I've been trippin' all day.
Two brothers play on the street. One of them finds a condom on the ground. Not knowing what it is, they go to their mum and ask what it is that they found. Mum gets mad and yells to throw that away immediately.
Guys go back to the yard, surprised why their mum got mad for just latex. One of them says: "Why did mum get so angry?" The other: "I have no idea, thankfully we did not tell her that we've eaten the yogurt inside!"
Better call NASA and tell them there are only going to be 7 planets after I destroy URANUS.
What do the Twin Towers and gender have in common? There used to be two of them, but now it's a sensitive topic.
What do skeletons hate the most about wind?
Nothing, it goes right through them.
DAD: I'm bringing your toys to the orphanage.
SON: Why?
DAD: You're going to need them.
Q: what happened when the depressed kid wanted to high five the tree?
A: It left him/her/them hanging.
How many babies does it take to paint a house? Depends on how hard you throw them.
There was a person who sent ten different puns to his friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.
How many babies does it take to paint a wall?
Depends how hard you throw them.
Why did Mexicans go to Area 51?
To show them what a real illegal alien looks like.
So the teacher goes up to you and says, "I'm going to call your parents." Me: "Good luck finding them."
