Them Jokes

Johnny is very attached to his parents. He asks to take a shower with her when she gets in. He looks down and asks, "What's that?" The mother replies, "That's my garage." He looks up and asks, "What are those?" The mother responds, "Those are my headlights."

He then goes and takes a shower with his dad. He looks down, "Daddy, what's that?" The dad replies, "That's my car." He goes to sleep that night and wakes up because of a bad dream. He goes and tells his mother and she says, "You can lay with me." He falls fast asleep then wakes up once more because of falling off the bed. He gets back up and gets under the covers. Then he feels the bed moving. He looks under the covers to investigate and sees them going at it. He then yells, "Mommy, turn on you're headlights, Daddy's parking his car in you're garage!" *THUD*

What has more brains than the Columbine students? The wall behind them, xD.

The twin towers are like water bottles.

It's all right if you knock them down as long as you pick up the mess.

A lady walks into a dentist's office, sits on the counter, and spreads her legs. The dentist says, "I think you have the wrong idea." The lady replies, "Last week you gave my husband his false teeth; now you can get them out."

What do you do when you see a kid alone? You beat them up and say, "It was self-defense!"

How to make an orphan BLEED?

Step 1 - Tell them to clap until they actually have a loving family.

Step 2 - LAUGH EVILLY as they BLEED.

Step 3 - Tell them to kys.

Step 4 - Leave that mental asylum.

Feminists think men hate them. MEN HATE FEMINIST KARENS. We already have equal rights. It wasn't always like that, but that was in the past. So, fuck feminists.

(Like if you hate feminists.)

A blonde, brunette, and a redhead are running from the police. They come across an old shack with three burlap sacks. They each hop into one of them. The police come and kick the one with the brunette in it. She goes, "Mew, mew." The police say, "Oh, it's just a bag of kittens." Then they kick the one with the redhead. "Woof, woof." They think, "Oh, it's just a bag of puppies." Then they kick the one with the blonde in it. She goes, "POTATOES!!" And gets arrested.

Why don't feminists like to eat hotdogs? Because they remind them of men's dicks.

joe: Are your mom and dad nice?

zozo: Well, they were until I murdered them over a bottle of Pringles.

joe: Oh, so you are an orphan and a murderer.

What do an X-Box and Michael Jackson have in common? They're both made of plastic and little kids turn them on.

Why do skeletons hate wind? Because it goes right through them!

What did the momma grape say to the pappa grape?

"Raisin' our kids is usually pretty fun, but sometimes they get sunburn and I have to take them to the doctor for dry skin."

(demons in my head) I laugh to meet them...

What is the difference between a Mexican maid and a Jewish maid?

One of them won’t clean the oven.

Every time I work late at the hospital, I help the patients sleep.

There isn't a snooze button on the beeping things, so I unplug them.

Two Indians talk over a long distance using smoke signals.

In the middle of the conversation, a nuclear bomb explodes behind one of them, and a huge cloud of smoke rises silently into the sky.

The other Indian signals with smoke: "Not so loud!"

What's the difference between 911 and a Mexican gardener?

One of them is an outside job.

How do you restrain a straight person? Give them a straight jacket.

How do you restrain a trans person? Make the trans vest tight.

What is the difference between the government and organized crime?

Only one of them is organized.