Them jokes

I'm a big fan of white boards. I find them... Remarkable.

If laughter is the best medicine, shouldn't we go up to disabled people and laugh at them?

What's the difference between a hooker and Jesus?

Their face when you nail them!

At school, Little Johnny's classmate tells him that most adults are hiding at least one dark secret, so it's very easy to blackmail them by saying, "I know the whole truth."

Little Johnny decides to go home and try it out. Johnny's mother greets him at home, and he tells her, "I know the whole truth." His mother quickly hands him $20 and says, "Just don't tell your father."

Quite pleased, the boy waits for his father to get home from work, and greets him with, "I know the whole truth." The father promptly hands him $40 and says, "Please don't say a word to your mother."

Very pleased, the boy is on his way to school the next day when he sees the mailman at his front door. The boy greets him by saying, "I know the whole truth." The mailman immediately drops the mail, opens his arms, and says, "Then come give your Daddy a great big hug!"

A missionary was caught by cannibals. He was tied up and thrown into a big pot. The cannibals were chopping up vegetables and throwing them into the pot with the missionary. When they lit the fire under the pot, the missionary said, "You can't stew me. I'm a friar."

If you tell a girl they're pretty, they won't believe you. If you tell them they're ugly, they'll never forget it.

Elephants never forget.

What do a priest and a Christmas tree have in common? They both like fairies sitting on them.

How many babies does it take to paint a wall?

Depends how hard you throw them.

Hookers are like drive-thrus; you tell them what you want, pay for your stuff, and leave.

What do snow and friends have in common? If you pee on them, they disappear.

How many babies does it take to paint a wall? It depends on how hard you throw them.

What's so great about dead baby jokes? They never get old.

Why did the emo kid hate the nun? (Cuz nun of them were emo.)

How many black people does it take to change a lightbulb in the middle of the night?

I don't know, I can never see them.

What does an Xbox/PlayStation and Michael Jackson have in common?

Kids turn them on.

Johnny is very attached to his parents. He asks to take a shower with her when she gets in. He looks down and asks, "What's that?" The mother replies, "That's my garage." He looks up and asks, "What are those?" The mother responds, "Those are my headlights."

He then goes and takes a shower with his dad. He looks down, "Daddy, what's that?" The dad replies, "That's my car." He goes to sleep that night and wakes up because of a bad dream. He goes and tells his mother and she says, "You can lay with me." He falls fast asleep then wakes up once more because of falling off the bed. He gets back up and gets under the covers. Then he feels the bed moving. He looks under the covers to investigate and sees them going at it. He then yells, "Mommy, turn on you're headlights, Daddy's parking his car in you're garage!" *THUD*

What has more brains than the Columbine students? The wall behind them, xD.

The twin towers are like water bottles.

It's all right if you knock them down as long as you pick up the mess.

The KGB, the FBI, and the CIA are all trying to prove they are the best at catching criminals. The Secretary-General of the UN decides to set them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest, and each of them has to catch it.

The CIA people go in. They place animal informants throughout the forest. They question all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investigations, they conclude that the rabbit does not exist.

The FBI goes in. After two weeks with no leads, they burn the forest, killing everything in it, including the rabbit, and make no apologies: the rabbit had it coming.

The KGB goes in. They come out two hours later with a badly beaten bear. The bear is yelling:

"Okay! Okay! I'm a rabbit! I'm a rabbit!"

How to make an orphan BLEED?

Step 1 - Tell them to clap until they actually have a loving family.

Step 2 - LAUGH EVILLY as they BLEED.

Step 3 - Tell them to kys.

Step 4 - Leave that mental asylum.

What do you do when you see a kid alone? You beat them up and say, "It was self-defense!"