Them jokes
How do you stop constipation?
You scare the crap outta them.
(Crap is another word for poop.)
My friend said they were going to make a comeback. I told them to do it at the back of the throat.
Dad: I’m taking your toys to the orphanage.
Child: But why?
Dad: Because you’re going to need them there.
A flock of swallows were migrating south as a jet flew past them.
"Why was that one flying so fast?" asked one. Another answers, "Can't you see his tail is burning?"
I can always tell if someone is lying just by looking at them.
I can also tell if they are standing.
"Hey, man, do you have any Ben and Jerry's?"
"Yeah, I have two of them, fresh and preserved in the freezer."
"I meant the ice cream, bro..."
Your breasts remind me of Mount Rushmore – my face should be among them.
When I was younger, I thought that it was cool to use knives because kids used to ask me to use them.
By the way, have you seen my sister?
Women be like chivalry is dead, then don't say thank you when you open the door for them.
I like Christmas.
It’s the holiday where an old man breaks into people’s homes so he can give them toys! :) yaaaaay 😁
"Dad, did you get a haircut?"
"No, I got them all cut!"
You know somebody has a fat ass when someone is standing between you and them, and all you can focus on is that trunk.
What do Gay Men and Minorities have in common?
My dad hates them both!
Q. What's the best part about 28 year olds?
A. There's 20 of them!
Is "buttcheek" one word, or should I spread them?
What do hospitals do when they receive donor organs? They organize them.
I was at my grandpa's this weekend and I sent my online girlfriend nudes, and when I sent them, my grandpa's phone went off, so he went on his phone, then my girlfriend replied.
My dad said people shouldn’t get ribbons just for participating because it rewards them for losing.
So I took down his confederate flag.
What does a gas grenade and a baby have in common?
They both squeal when you throw them.
My boyfriend always likes when I wear my fishnet sleeves. He says it looks great on me, but he doesn’t know that my skin is covered with scars... no one does. No one questions why I wear them everyday. I hope it stays like that because I can’t deal with my mom finding out that I still hurt myself.