Them jokes

What's the difference between a man's wife and his dog?

Lock them both in the trunk for three hours and see which is happy to see you when you open it.

My wife and I have reached the difficult decision that we do not want children.

If anybody does, please just send me your contact details, and we can drop them off tomorrow.

Why are your eyes blue? Cuz they have food coloring in them.

I have a fear of speed bumps, but I'm slowly getting over them.

God, when terminally ill children beg him to heal them:

God: No, I don’t want to.

My therapist told me to write letters to the people you hate and then burn them.

I did that, but now I don't know what to do with the letters.

Why did Mozart kill all of his chickens?

When he asked them who the best composer was, they all replied, "Bach, Bach, Bach!"

"Dad, did you get a haircut?"

"No, I got them all cut!"

Yo mama so disgusting, she hangs toilet paper to dry after she wiped with them.

My boyfriend always likes when I wear my fishnet sleeves. He says it looks great on me, but he doesn’t know that my skin is covered with scars... no one does. No one questions why I wear them everyday. I hope it stays like that because I can’t deal with my mom finding out that I still hurt myself.

A Snorlax was in a bar, and he was drinking beer when an Eevee and a Rockruff hopped onto a stool. The Eevee ordered an oran berry special for the both of them.

Snorlax: Y'all make the perfect couple.

Random Zorua: Dragonite, is it just an illusion, or is that Snorlax fatter than this region?

How many babies does it take to paint a wall red?

It depends on how hard you throw them.

It's fucked up how people make these jokes, and when orphans read them, it makes them feel worse about themselves. I should know, I'm an orphan.

I've had conversations with many people. Some of them were drier than my dad's ashes.

What do hospitals do when they receive donor organs? They organize them.

When my family goes to weddings, my senior relatives tell me things like “You’re next!” So I started doing the same to them at funerals.

Gay people when the GPS asks them to go straight.

Lesbians when the GPS asks them to go straight.

"Yo mama so fat when she got buried it took them all the trees on Earth for her coffin."

How does the non binary kill white en Amy?

They/them.