Them jokes
Why can't an orphan have sex?
Because they can't call them "daddy."
Walked into a bar the other day and a group of sailors were being loud and shouting about all the women they have in port that had given them gonorrhea...
Bloody seamen.
How many babies does it take to paint a wall?
Depends on how hard you throw them.
I love teaching students
how to make them harm themselves.
POV them: What's one move to get a man motivated in bed?
Her: All you gotta give is that hawk tuah and spit on that thang, you get me?
So a lady was walking down the street with two bags, and one of the bags was leaking $100 bills. A cop pulls up and he says, “Ma’am, ma’am, your bag is leaking hundred dollar bills.” Then she says, “Oh, thank you. I wonder how long that’s been going on.” And the cop says, “Before I help you, may I ask why your bag is leaking $100 bills?” And the lady says, “OK, I’ll tell you. So I live next to a stadium, and I have this beautiful rose garden, but these dumb teenagers always try and pee on the rosebushes. So they stick their junk through the fence, and I grab their junk. I said, ‘$100 dollars or it’s coming off.’” The cop says, “Oh, OK, well what’s the other bag for?” And she says, “Well, not all of them want to give me $100.”
A teacher asked her young students to get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it. The next day, the kids came back and one by one began to tell their stories. There were all the regular type of stuff.
But then the teacher realized that only Janie was left. "Janie, do you have a story to share?" "Yes madam... My daddy told me a story about my Mom." "OK, let’s hear,” said the teacher.
“My Mom was a Marine pilot in Operation Desert Storm in Iraq and her plane got hit. She had to bail out over enemy territory and all she had was a flask of whiskey, a pistol, and a survival knife. She drank the whiskey on the way down so the bottle wouldn’t break and then her parachute landed her right in the middle of 20 Iraqi troops.” “She shot 15 of them with the pistol, until she ran out of bullets, killed four more with the knife, till the blade broke, and then she killed the last Iraqi with her bare hands.”
Pin drop silence in the class!
"Good Heavens," said the horrified teacher, "What did your Daddy tell you was the moral to this horrible story?"
“Stay away from Mummy when she’s drunk...!!!”
Stephen Hawking tried joining some music bands, but all of them rejected him... except Daft Punk.
What do orphans and homework have in common?
Everybody forgets about them.
How do you make an orphan's hands bleed?
You tell them to clap till their parents come home.
Why can't an orphan get caught on the hub? They have no parents to catch them.
My favorite bartender serves drinks so strong, he gives a "get well soon" card with each one of them!
Why don't orphans go home at pickup?
Because they don't have parents to pick them up.
Why do an emo's parents not let them cook, because they are afraid they will cut themselves?
How do you make an orphan's hands bleed?
You make them clap until their parents come home.
Guess why a lot of orphans were in "Home Alone"? Because their family left them.
Why do trees never call emo kids? Because they always hang up on them.
What's the difference between an orphan and a corpse?
One of them has someone to mourn them.
What do you call it when a prostitute pays someone 5 bucks to fuck them?
5 dollar footlongs.
Why do people call priests "Father"?
Because it’s too suspicious to call them "Daddy."