My favorite bartender serves drinks so strong, he gives a "get well soon" card with each one of them!
Them Jokes
Why don't orphans go home at pickup?
Because they don't have parents to pick them up.
Why do an emo's parents not let them cook, because they are afraid they will cut themselves?
How do you make an orphan's hands bleed?
You make them clap until their parents come home.
Guess why a lot of orphans were in "Home Alone"? Because their family left them.
Why do trees never call emo kids? Because they always hang up on them.
What's the difference between an orphan and a corpse?
One of them has someone to mourn them.
What do you call it when a prostitute pays someone 5 bucks to fuck them?
5 dollar footlongs.
Why do people call priests "Father"?
Because it’s too suspicious to call them "Daddy."
Why do emo kids not get phones? Because the phone dies before them.
I can't decide if I like rocking chairs or not.
I keep going back and forth on them.
I bet when 2 cheetahs race and one of them cheats, the other one says, "You're such a cheetah!" Then they laugh and go and eat a zebra or whatever.
"Hey, man, do you have any Ben and Jerry's?"
"Yeah, I have two of them, fresh and preserved in the freezer."
"I meant the ice cream, bro..."
Why do you always high five the emo person? 'Cause you can't just leave them hanging.
Kid says to genie,
"I want to be like Batman!"
Kid goes home, both of them are dead.
Why do orphans hate apples?
Because they get picked over.
Why are adopted kids better than bio kids? Because their parents actually wanted them.
Yo mama's so stupid, when thieves broke into her house and stole the TV, she chased after them shouting, "Wait, you forgot the remote!"
If you're ever frustrated, just punch them in the face. What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?
Why can’t an orphan go to a youth church? Because they need a parent to pick them up.
