Why don’t orphans play hide and seek?
Because no one will look for them.
How do you make Alabama cookies?
Put them in a big bowl and beat for three hours.
Where do you think all the orphans went?
In the World Trade Center, I trapped them in so they can finally get to their parents.
What do orphans, parents, and a ball have in common?
If you throw them, they both will never come back.
Why can’t orphans order from Costa?
They need a parent or guardian with them.
I had the BEST day EVER.
1: I woke up.
2: I met someone I'm sad about.
3: I had fun and got them back again online.
But sadly the order was 2nd, 3rd, 1st... XD
People want to be nice to each other because they only have one life, and they want to live it well.
Sucks to be them. I'm a cat.
A man is telling his story to someone. "My friends always said that they would kill me if I wore Gucci or Supreme. On April 1st, I wore both and conversed with them."
"Interesting."
"That's the story of how I got to the morgue," he says to The Gatekeeper of Heaven.
Don't take my posts seriously, take them like your ex took you—as a joke.
Why are friends a lot like snow?
If you pee on them, they disappear.
How is a beer can and an Indian the same? You can find them both smashed on the side of the road!
Sometimes women are like bad snacks. People try them and then chuck them in the trash.
Why are orphans bad at dad jokes?
Because they don't have a dad to tell them.
A Japanese man goes to the dentist. After being there for a while, the dentist asks, "How often do you floss your teeth?"
The Jap said, "After every meal." When they finish up, the dentist turns to him and says, "You need to floss your eyes more. I can still see them."
I have some black friends who hate it when I say the N-word around them, so I got a pet monkey.
Your earlobes are so big, you can fit your mom inside of them 5000 times and still have room for more!
My mate caught me sniffing his disabled sister's knickers the other day. It wouldn't have been so bad, but she was wearing them at the time. It made the rest of the funeral so awkward.
There was once a kid named Timmy. His father and mother went to bed one night and didn't hear or see Timmy come with them.
They all get under the covers. Timmy, still unnoticed, looks under the covers and lets out a blood-curdling scream. "MOMMY, WATCH OUT! THERE IS A SNAKE GOING INTO YOUR BIG BLACK HAIRY BUSH!" And he proceeds to say, "DON'T WORRY MOMMY, I'LL GET IT!" And he takes his father's penis in his mouth and chomps down.
Now I want you to think what their breakfast conversation was the next morning.
Gregg says to his friend, who is a girl, and says, "Hey, umm, do you, umm, want to do something?"
And the girl says, "Umm, sure, why not?"
Gregg says, "Well, then we have to go somewhere secretive."
The girl says, "Umm, well, ok."
Gregg says, "Great!" So Gregg brings Sally to a tree so no one can see them, and then Sally says, "So what are we going to do behind this big tree?"
Gregg says, "Well pull down your pants, and I'll show ya."
Sally says, "Ok, it sounds fun!" And then Gregg pulls his pants down and tells Sally to lay on the ground. Then he puts his dick in Sally's pussy, and he goes up and down, up and down, up and down, and then Sally starts to moan more and more, and then suddenly a teacher hears her moan, and then the teacher sees what Gregg and Sally are doing, and then the teacher gets in on it, and both Gregg and Sally start fucking the teacher, and then the teacher moans, and then the whole school makes their own sex groups, and the whole school has threesomes...
THE END
There were three men, and two of them died.
The last man alive said, "That's two less mouths to feed!"
