Them Jokes

How many babies does it take to paint the side of a barn?

Depends on how hard you throw them.

Guys, if you saw a post from someone pretending to be me, don't listen to them.

I'm just going to be out for 3 days, or maybe for a month break. There are a lot of fakers.

Why do people in wheelchairs get bullied?

'Cause they can’t stand up for themselves.

What's the difference between my dad and Nemo?

I don't know. I still haven't found them.

People, when your lover cheats on you, do this!

1. Start a conversation. 2. Say, "What's that smell?" 3. They will smell around. 4. Say, "OMG, it's a b****," and walk away and ignore them.

A close-up shot of a person's face looking confused, with a statue of an Egyptian figure in the background. Overlay text says 'imagine getting jumped by sum egyptians and one of em says' followed by a line of Egyptian hieroglyphs. There is also a small watermark in the bottom right corner.

This morning, I was in the kitchen, and I saw a whole bunch of leftover brownies made from scratch. I just tasted one and spit it out because somebody put some goddamn weed in them, what the fuck!

I was having a party in my basement, and my friend asked me what that bag covered in blood was for. I said, "Oh, that's the bag I catch the children with to torture them in this basement."

Why can’t orphans order from Costa?

They need a parent or guardian with them.

I had the BEST day EVER.

1: I woke up.

2: I met someone I'm sad about.

3: I had fun and got them back again online.

But sadly the order was 2nd, 3rd, 1st... XD

What do orphans, parents, and a ball have in common?

If you throw them, they both will never come back.

I have some black friends who hate it when I say the N-word around them, so I got a pet monkey.

Why don’t orphans play hide and seek?

Because no one will look for them.

Q: What is the difference between Americans and Africans? A: Some of them have food, and some of them don't have food.

Your earlobes are so big, you can fit your mom inside of them 5000 times and still have room for more!

A Japanese man goes to the dentist. After being there for a while, the dentist asks, "How often do you floss your teeth?"

The Jap said, "After every meal." When they finish up, the dentist turns to him and says, "You need to floss your eyes more. I can still see them."

People want to be nice to each other because they only have one life, and they want to live it well.

Sucks to be them. I'm a cat.

A man is telling his story to someone. "My friends always said that they would kill me if I wore Gucci or Supreme. On April 1st, I wore both and conversed with them."

"Interesting."

"That's the story of how I got to the morgue," he says to The Gatekeeper of Heaven.