Them jokes

I'd tell you a joke about unemployed people, but none of them work.

Why do orphans die when a tornado comes?

They don't have parents to protect them.

What does your dad's cock and Darryl's Savouries have in common?

I want them both in my mouth!

Orphans actually have an advantage. Nobody can call them motherless or test-tube babies in an argument.

What did the momma grape say to the pappa grape?

"Raisin' our kids is usually pretty fun, but sometimes they get sunburn and I have to take them to the doctor for dry skin."

Three disabled guys (a blind man, an amputee, and a guy in a wheelchair) are flying back with the USA team from the Paralympic games in the Middle East when their plane crashes in the Sahara Desert. The three disabled guys (the only survivors) are now stranded and wait for someone to rescue them, but no one showed. They start to get real thirsty, so they decide to seek out water. The amputee leads the way, with the blind man pushing the guy in the wheelchair; and, eventually they find an oasis. The amputee leader goes into the water first, cools himself down, drinks a load of water, walks out the other side and lo and behold, he has a NEW LEG! He gets excited and encourages his friends to do the same.

The blind man offers to push the guy in the wheelchair, but he gets refused because the guy in the chair wants to be Mr. Independent and insists the blind man goes ahead first. So he goes into the water, cools himself down, drinks a load of water, walks out the other side and lo and behold, he can SEE! Now the guy in the wheelchair's getting really excited, starts pushing with all his might, goes into the water, cools himself down, drinks a load of water, and wheels out the other side. Lo and behold, NEW TIRES!!!

A Mario & Luigi joke.

What are the Mario bros' view on child support?

Mario: The parents are obligated to provide for the child and help them the best they could.

Luigi: LMAO I GOTTA GO!

Brian was shopping at a mall. He hopped onto an escalator. Next to him were two people having an argument. Eventually, one of them pulled out a pocket knife threatening to stab the other. Brian murmured "Well, that escalated quickly..."

An infinite amount of mathematicians walked into a bar. The first ordered a pint, the second ordered a half pint, the third ordered a fourth-pint, etc. The Bartender eventually walked up and gave them two pints and said: "You mathematicians don't know your limits."

One day, a cop pulls a van over, and when he walks up to the window, he sees ten penguins in the back.

The cop asks the man, “Are those your penguins?”

The man says, “Yes, they are my pets.”

The cop replies to the man, “You need to take them to the zoo right now.”

So the man agrees and drives off. The next day, the cop pulls over the same van, and he walks up to the window and sees the ten penguins all wearing sunglasses.

The cop says to the man, “I thought I told you to take those penguins to the zoo.”

The man says, “I did! Today, we are going to the beach!”

Touch your toes and hold them. Then spell "run." It will say, "r.u.n."

Why can't orphans go outside?

Because their parents aren't there to watch them!

Man: How do you prepare your chicken?

Waiter: Nothing special, we just tell them they’re going to die.

What’s the best part about having sex with 28 year olds?

There are 20 of them.

So I saw a bag full of children near a dumpster. I guess we know where the orphans are when the parents didn’t want them.

Wouldn’t want to hope a Catholic priest comes along, otherwise the priest will have new sex toys.

Why do you call a priest a father? Because calling them daddy would be too sus.

I bought shoes from a drug dealer yesterday. I don't know what he laced them with, but I was tripping all day.

My dad said people shouldn’t get ribbons just for participating because it rewards them for losing.

So I took down his confederate flag.

What's the difference between China and New York City?

In China, the Asians ride ON the trains. In New York City, they usually end up riding UNDER them.

Why can't orphans go to parents' evening? Because their parents left them.