Them jokes
My nuts hurt; if you pull them, I will scream.
My nuts tickle; scratch them, and I won’t like you no more.
How do you ground a Gen Z?
Make them go outside and socialize.
What do you call those dead pieces of green stuff left in the bottom of a bowl of Caesar salad?
The last romaines. Now lettuce pray for them.
Why do orphans like being criminals?
Because then someone actually wants them.
A mouse is just like a ball bearing.
Drench them in oil, and they stop squeaking.
Why do trannies have such high rates of suicide?
Because they want everyone to accept them, but they can't accept themselves.
My friends used to poke me at weddings and say, "You're next."
So I started poking them at funerals and saying, "You're next" to my friends.
This is not a joke, nor did I come up with it.
If somebody calls you ugly, just hug them and say, "Life must be hard for you since you have visual impairment!"
A missionary was caught by cannibals. He was tied up and thrown into a big pot. The cannibals were chopping up vegetables and throwing them into the pot with the missionary. When they lit the fire under the pot, the missionary said, "You can't stew me. I'm a friar."
There was once a kid named Timmy. His father and mother went to bed one night and didn't hear or see Timmy come with them.
They all get under the covers. Timmy, still unnoticed, looks under the covers and lets out a blood-curdling scream. "MOMMY, WATCH OUT! THERE IS A SNAKE GOING INTO YOUR BIG BLACK HAIRY BUSH!" And he proceeds to say, "DON'T WORRY MOMMY, I'LL GET IT!" And he takes his father's penis in his mouth and chomps down.
Now I want you to think what their breakfast conversation was the next morning.
What does a wife and a boombox have in common?
They only work when you beat them.
The hardest part of picking up a hitch hiker is tying them up.
Two deer walk out of a gay bar. One of them turns to the other and says, "I can't believe I blew forty bucks in there."
They have a new line of socks for paraplegics. They are so comfortable they can't even feel them.
Why can't orphans go outside?
Because their parents aren't there to watch them!
What do Joe Biden and Russia have in common?
Neither of them respect boundaries.
So I told an orphan to slap themselves until they are wanted. I came back the next day to see them slapping themselves. Then I stopped them and told them to punch themselves.
The next day I saw a dead orphan.
My family is like treasure; you need a map and a shovel to find them.
I've got something better for all of you. I may not have found it, but Google "hottest sexiest women ever." Then you'll want them!
Are butt cheeks one word, or should I spread them apart?