Them jokes

"Nun" means no one likes them. Just take off that dumb hood!

What is the difference between an orphan and a watermelon?

One of them is picked.

When life gives you lemons... call them yellow oranges and sell 'em for double the price!

To teach kids about democracy, I let them vote on dinner. They picked tacos. Then I made pizza because they do not live in a swing state.

If a depressed kid tries to high five a tree, it leaves them hanging.

What's the similarity between Christmas stuffing and my penis?

I like them both inside dead animals, because alive animals feel too much like men, and then I'd cum too quick.

Dark humor is like having parents, not everybody gets them.

A blind kid was talking to me because he was getting bullied...

I told him, "Just tell them what you see!"

How are Black people like communism?

Because they’ll never work, but some of them are willing to give it a shot.

Why did the emo kids stop going to their favorite tree?

It died before them.

How do non-binary people kill people?

They slash them.

What do orgasms and impulses have in common?

I don’t care if they have either of them.

How do you knock out 26 kids in one punch?

Give them a Sandy Hook.

My friends in my friend group say that I am quiet and I don't do anything bad. I proved them wrong by murdering the leader of it.

It's easy to tell if a skeleton is lying to you because you can see right through them.

You can get the park in the park with you if I have park in your car, and I will be there in a couple of hours. Would you be able to pick them out at your house, and I will pick you up, and I will be at your place at your convenience. I can get them in a little while. I’m at the park. Bye.

Here's what to do if an annoying person keeps talking to you. First, ignore them until they ask you if you're going to respond. Then ask them: if they were walking down the street and a rabid dog suddenly started barking at them, would they get on all fours and bark back? After that, continue to ignore them.

"My wife is so crazy," said Beatem's McSmasher.

"Why?" asked his buddy Don Caretomarch.

"She's sitting on the front verandah packing my shit in boxes!"

"You getting kicked out, bro?"

"Yeah, all I did was break every plate in the house over her head. Some people have no sense of humor."

"Is she one of them woke bitches?"

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are robbing a bank. The police are soon after them, so they hide in a bunch of barrels.

The police arrive and search the area. They come over to the barrel where the brunette is hiding and kicks it. The brunette says, "Woof."

"Oh, it's just a dog," says the police officer, and then kicks the second barrel where the redhead is hidden. The redhead says, "Meow."

"Oh, it's just a cat," says the officer, then kicks the last barrel where the blonde is hidden. The blonde says, "Potato."

High school crush: Why do you always look so sad?

Me: My mom is dead, and my favorite grandma, and my uncle killed both of them, and now he's in jail.

High school crush: Shit. Sorry about that.

Me: And my crush hasn't asked me out.

High school crush: Who is it?

Me: You.

Him: Goodbye (as he runs away and never comes back)

Me: Fuck that.