You text someone to ask them why they snobbed you. Then they snob you again.
dark humor is like having parents not everbody gets them
Yo daddy so ugly he want them ice.
What do babies and explosives have in common?
They both make a noise when you throw them.
What's the difference between 911 and a Mexican gardener?
One of them is an outside job.
Most women are like the Twin Towers.
It's all fun and good when guys fly through them, but once the little people come jumping off them, it becomes sad and awful.
I’m bouta tell you the funniest joke I heard:
Two hunters are in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn’t seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and called emergency services. The operator them hears the problem and says “ Well, let’s make sure he’s dead” A shot is them heard. The other guy says” Ok, now what?”
Did u laugh?
One time, I worked at the zoo and I was feeding the monkeys.
And one of them μяɨɲąţ€ď on me.
And I went to the hospital and got a bloody nose the next day.
I was working at a check-in station for a flight to Riyadh when suddenly I was approached by Benzema, Kante, and Neymar!
At first I was very surprised and curious, so I asked them why they decided to play in the Saudi Pro League and not MLS where GOAT Messi plays. They all smiled and happily replied: "Don't you know, the legendary bench warmer PRISTIANO PENALDO plays there!"
Now I fully understood what they meant! They know that Pristiano is already finished, so winning trophies will be easy for them. I smiled and happily let them through.
What does a gas grenade and a baby have in common? They both squeal when you throw them.
Why do apple trees like emo kids?
Because they like to play yoyo with them.
My plants in my garden are like the Twin Towers; neither of them fell, just the flowers.
Why did the towers fall? Because someone in Call of Duty hijacked the planes and crashed them into it.
What do the Twin Towers and genders have in common? There used to be two of them, but now it's a sensitive subject.
When ordering food at a new restaurant, my wife asked the waiter what they do to prepare their chicken.
“Nothing special,” he explained. “We just tell them they’re going to die.”
Old people kept saying "you're next" to me at weddings, so I started saying it to them at funerals.
My husband and I have reached the difficult decision that we do not want children.
If anybody does, please just send me your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.
What’s the difference between a woman and a policeman? One of them have rights.
When there are more suicidal people, it means there are fewer suicidal people. That means there is an infinite generator of them.
When you see an orphanage bully, remind them that no matter how powerful they are, they will never be as strong as their dads... Oh wait, they don't have a dad.
