What did Gordon Ramsay say to Hitler?
“Oh my god, put them back in the damn ovens! They’re so under-cooked they’re writing fucking diaries!”
Them Jokes
Yo mama so disgusting, she hangs toilet paper to dry after she wiped with them.
How to make an orphan die?
Tell them to yell until their folks come home.
If I were a history teacher, I’d make the two twins stand up and throw a paper airplane at them.
Are you sure your father isn't a thief?
Because he stole the stars from the sky and put them in your eyes.
If your eyes were the sea, I would drown in them.
Three old women are sitting on a park bench. A man in a trench coat comes and flashes them.
The first woman had a stroke. The second woman had a stroke. The third woman couldn't quite reach.
"Dad, did you get a haircut?"
"No, I got them all cut!"
Why did Mozart kill all of his chickens?
When he asked them who the best composer was, they all replied, "Bach, Bach, Bach!"
How do you know that Americans hate exercise?
9/11. How else do you explain hundreds of them jumping to their death rather than taking the stairs?
If certain diseases spread in water, why does Africa have them?
"Why do cemeteries have fences around them? Because everyone's dying to get in!"
My kids told me to have a good day, so I left them to their own devices and hoped for the best.
How do you blind an Asian?
Put a windshield in front of them.
How many apples can you grow on a tree? All of them.
My therapist told me to write letters to the people you hate and then burn them.
I did that, but now I don't know what to do with the letters.
Two twins were talking in class. I threw a paper airplane at one of them.
My parents told me that I should go hang with my friends and get out of the house.
So I called some of my friends and told them to meet me in the school yard. One said, "What tree?"
I replied, "You’ll know when you get here!"
My parents never said how they wanted us to hangout.
So, you're into pronouns? Let me she/them titties.
As I am from South Carolina, I just thought about something Jefferson Davis would have thought about:
"Them slaves taking credit for everything."
