My kids told me to have a good day, so I left them to their own devices and hoped for the best.
How do you blind an Asian? Put a windshield in front of them.
How many apples can you grow on a tree? All of them.
My therapist told me to write letters to the people you hate and then burn them.
I did that, but now I don't know what to do with the letters.
2 twins were talking in class, I threw a paper airplane at one of them
My parents told me that I should go hang with my friends and get out of the house.
So I called some of my friends and told them to meet me in the school yard. One said, "What tree?"
I replied, "You’ll know when you get here!"
My parents never said how they wanted us to hangout.
So, you're into pronouns? Let me she/them titties.
As I am from South Carolina, I just thought about something Jefferson Davis would have thought about:
"Them slaves taking credit for everything."
Your smile is so nice that the moon shines off them.
An apple a day keeps the doctor away. Or at least it does if you throw it hard enough.
Why is it that if you donate a kidney, people love you? But if you donate five kidneys, they call the police.
My senior relatives liked to tease me at weddings, saying things like, “You’ll be next!” They stopped once I started doing the same to them at funerals.
I have some black friends who hate it when I say the N-word around them, so I got a pet monkey.
A Japanese man goes to the dentist. After being there for a while, the dentist asks, "How often do you floss your teeth?"
The Jap said, "After every meal." When they finish up, the dentist turns to him and says, "You need to floss your eyes more. I can still see them."
If a depressed kid tries to high five a tree it leaves them hanging
why can't orphans can't be home school? Because they have not parent to home school them
Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn’t seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, „My friend is dead! What can I do?“. The operator says „Calm down. I can help. First, let’s make sure he’s dead.“ There is a silence, then a shot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says „OK, now what?“
Me: If my face looked like yours, I would sue my parents.
Sensei: That’s funny, because when your parents dropped you off at the temple, they got a fine for littering.
Cop: Hehe, that’s funny because I gave them the fine!
Two Indians talk over a long distance using smoke signals.
In the middle of the conversation, a nuclear bomb explodes behind one of them, and a huge cloud of smoke rises silently into the sky.
The other Indian signals with smoke: "Not so loud!"
Rape, 9/11, abortion, orphan, murder, dead, kill, drugs.
What makes all these categories so familiar? Either you've experienced them, or made them up in your backstory.
Fun fact: this category of jokes is the MOST hated one by feminists.
Unless you force them the point.
What did the cheese say to itself in the mirror? "Halloumi, who's the tastiest of them all?"
