Two priests walk into a store, and cops come up to them and say they’re looking for a child molester, and the priests both say, "I’ll do it!"
Did you know that most women are left-handed? That’s because the majority of them don’t know what to do with rights
How do you piss off a color blind person?
Give them a Rubik's cube.
As an older brother, I always gave my little sister advice. I always said to do your best and never quit. So one day I went to her room. I see my sister giving married men blow jobs.
I ask what are you doing? The married men said she is giving us blow jobs because our wives don't do it. My sister said you told me to do your best, and my best is to suck them dry. As a brother, I couldn't be more prouder.
I was at work and a few fat women came up to me and asked for some help.
Later that week, I ran into them on the dance floor. One of them asked me if I wanted to dance. I told her no. The other asked me if I knew what was cracking. I calmly said, "The floor."
How do you punish a blind person
Hand them a gun, and tell them it’s a hairdryer.
What's the similarity between Christmas stuffing and my penis?
I like them both inside dead animals, because alive animals feel too much like men, and then I'd cum too quick.
Why is Peter Pan always flying? He Neverlands!
Where do sheep go to get their hair cut? The baa-baa shop.
Why did Adele cross the road? To sing, “Hello from the other side!”
How do trees access the internet? They log in.
Did you get them? Me neither. I mean, it is worst jokes ever. I'm kidding, I actually do understand them.
Whats the difference between pepper and salt? one of them is black and the other one is white
What did Gordon Ramsay say to Hitler?
“Oh my god, put them back in the damn ovens! They’re so under-cooked they’re writing fucking diaries!”
Yo mama so disgusting, she hangs toilet paper to dry after she wiped with them.
If I were a history teacher, I’d make the two twins stand up and throw a paper airplane at them.
Are you sure your father isn't a thief?
Because he stole the stars from the sky and put them in your eyes.
If your eyes were the sea, I would drown in them.
Three old women are sitting on a park bench. A man in a trench coat comes and flashes them.
The first woman had a stroke. The second woman had a stroke. The third woman couldn't quite reach.
"Dad, did you get a haircut?"
"No, I got them all cut!"
Why did Mozart kill all of his chickens? When he asked them who the best composer was, they all replied, "Bach, Bach, Bach."
How do you know that Americans hate exercise?
9/11. How else do you explain hundreds of them jumping to their death rather than taking the stairs?
If certain diseases spread in water, why does Africa have them?
"Why do cemeteries have fences around them? Because everyone’s dying to get in."
