Them jokes
Two Italian men get on a bus.
They sit down and engage in an animated conversation. They speak with an Italian accent.
The lady sitting behind them ignores them at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of the men say the following:
"Emma come first.
Den I come.
Den two asses come together.
I come once-a-more.
Two asses, they come together again.
I come again and pee twice.
Then I come one lasta time."
"You foul-mouthed swine," retorted the lady indignantly. "In this country we don't talk about our sex lives in public!"
"Hey, coola down lady," said the man. "Who talkin' abouta sexa? I'm a justa tellin' my frienda how to spella 'Mississippi'."
My boyfriend always likes when I wear my fishnet sleeves. He says it looks great on me, but he doesn’t know that my skin is covered with scars... no one does. No one questions why I wear them everyday. I hope it stays like that because I can’t deal with my mom finding out that I still hurt myself.
What do Black people and chains have in common? Both work better with chains on them?
What do orphans and garbage have in common?
They’re both in the street, and no one wants to pick them up.
The USA guaranteeing freedom of speech is the biggest joke I've heard... Tell that to the people who were almost killed because their cars had "NASCAR Sucks" and "Country and Western is rubbish" on them!
I have some jokes about unemployed people, but none of them work.
Scientists make skyscrapers and airplanes.
Religion crashes them.
It's easy to tell if a skeleton is lying to you because you can see right through them.
My friends in my friend group say that I am quiet and I don't do anything bad. I proved them wrong by murdering the leader of it.
How do you knock out 26 kids in one punch?
Give them a Sandy Hook.
How can a person from Alabama tell that someone is an illegal immigrant?
If they are dating someone that isn't related to them.
Every time I work late at the hospital, I help the patients sleep.
There isn't a snooze button on the beeping things, so I unplug them.
Calling Alabama's football team an astonishment would be the biggest understatement of the century, especially since they continuously catch balls from someone who isn't related to them.
What is the difference between a dog pound and an orphanage?
In a dog pound, people actually want them.
Even people who are good for nothing can bring a smile to your face.
For instance, when you push them down the stairs.
What do sexists and WNBA fans have in common?
There's enough of them to acknowledge their existence.
Which of these is the smartest; also, list them too: Is it autism, Down syndrome, or ADHD?
What is the difference between a Mexican maid and a Jewish maid?
One of them won’t clean the oven.
A blind kid was talking to me because he was getting bullied...
I told him, "Just tell them what you see!"
What’s a rapper’s favorite computer key?
The space bar... it lets them space out their rhymes!