The jokes
I told my teacher, "I’m failing life." She said, "That’s not on the syllabus."
What’s the best part about stage four cancer?
There’s no stage five.
Why are there more female history teachers than male?
Because women like to bring up the past.
There are only 2 things I hate in this world:
1. People who are intolerant of other people's cultures. 2. The French.
Did you hear about the guy who lost his left arm and leg?
He's all right.
Memes
What should you do if the dishwasher breaks?
Kick her.
All aboard the Magic School Bus! We are going to New York. The second tower has been hit.
What is the difference between the government and organized crime?
Only one of them is organized.
What's the difference between a joke and the Twin Towers? People don't laugh at my jokes.
The last joke about the dad was a joke. Don't take it seriously. Can't believe that people actually think that was true.
Why doesn't Kermit the frog get married?
He doesn't like commitment.
Why do Chinese people hate Christmas? Because they make the toys.
Son: Dad, I know I'm adopted.
Dad: Well, how do you know?
Son: I found the adoption papers.
Dad: That is for your mum.
If you know, you know.
Want to know how to fit 71 people in a car? Two in the front while we handle 69 in the back.
I got kicked out of the library because I put the woman's right book in the non-fiction section.
What kind of club is every parent afraid of their kid joining?
The Mikey Jackson club.
How do you spell the name of the most dangerous pedophile?
M-I-C-H-A-E-L J-O-S-E-P-H J-A-C-K-S-O-N
If a school shooter walks into a classroom and shoots an autistic kid, what does the kid say? "Why do I look like Swiss cheese?"
Sex is basically math. You add the bed. Subtract the clothes. Divide the legs to multiply inside.
My wife told me she’ll slam my head into the keyboard if I don’t get off the computer.
I’m not too worried—I think she’s jokingdkdkslalkdlkfjslfjslksdlkfjuahehwhgwdklaljdf.
The Twin Towers ordered a pepperoni pizza. They got plane.