The jokes

What's the difference between a shopping bag and Michael Jackson?

One is white, made of plastic, and dangerous for children. The other is for groceries.

There are some questionable candies out there, such as:

"All I want is a good Blow Pop."

"I don’t even want to know where that Butterfinger has been."

"If you do, you’ll probably end up with tasting the rainbow."

"Nobody wants to bite into an O’Henry."

"Or adopt Three Musketeers."

"Or even end up with a Sour Patch."

When a woman says, "I need to be treated like a delicate flower," don't cut the wrong cord on the bomb.

How do you know that a woman is about to say something smart?

She starts the sentence with ‘a man once said.’

Did anyone around here lose a roll of twenty-dollar bills wrapped with a rubber band? Because we found the rubber band.

What's the difference between a broken shovel and a young child?

The shovel doesn't cry when you swing it into a wall repeatedly.

An innocent boy is reading through his father’s phone, looking at the messages and trying to learn things about his family from them. He saw a message asking for something which seemed strange, but ultimately the boy decided to surprise his father with what it said.

“Timmy, why are there thirty-five cats in the living room?” shouted the father.

“I was only supplying what you wanted from Mother!” replied the boy.

Peter Griffin walks into a bar.

Peter Griffin walks into a bar.

Peter Griffin walks into a bar.

I think I may have forgotten the rest of the joke.

What did the World Trade Center order from Domino's Pizza?

They ordered two large planes.

Your mum is like a Golden Knight. She will still attack my tower with troops in the way, like Jude Porter.

Did you hear about the pervert who couldn't decide whether he was into incest or necrophilia?

He killed his mom and then fucked her.

Conservatives when they hear about “liberal arts:” 👊😡

Liberals when they find out about forest conservation: 😩👐

Progressives when they see a reaction video: 🤬

Reactionaries when a Progressive ad comes on (Flo is annoying): 😱

Anticoms realizing they are a part of a “community:” *seizure*

Anticaps when they have to Capitalize Their Words: 😤

Anti-monarchists when they pass a Burger King: 🫨

Antisocs when they are told to “socialize:” 🫠

Corporatists when they see a corpse: 🤤

Antifash when they spot a fashion show: 🤮

Classical liberals when the TV shows Family Feud: 😑🔫

Extremists when they are told to shoot “dead center” (they have bad aim): 😠🖕

I hate "the woke" so much, I got mad when my mom said I "woke" up late for school.

What's the difference between Christian theocrats and Islamic fundamentalists?

Presentation.

Last week, I made a joke about leftists. Now it is time for me to take shots at the right, and then I will move on to centrists. But I just said the same thing twice.

Q. What's the difference between an Alzheimer's patient and a tomato? A. A tomato isn't a vegetable.

Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing, and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator says, "Calm down. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence; then a gunshot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says, "OK, now what?"

What happened to the chicken when he crossed the road? He didn't. He got run over by a truck.

Bitches be like, "Read the room."

What genre is that in?

The Towers wanted pepperoni pizza, but they got planned.