The jokes

I got kicked out of the library because I put the woman's right book in the non-fiction section.

If a school shooter walks into a classroom and shoots an autistic kid, what does the kid say? "Why do I look like Swiss cheese?"

What is the difference between Catholics and Lutherans?

Catholics are registered sex offenders.

I would kiss your lips, but your legs are blocking the way.

If you know, you know. 😏😏

What did the titanic say as it was sinking?

I nominate all the passengers to the ice bucket challenge.

Technically, a human is hollow. We have an empty tube through us from the mouth and nose to the asshole and dick or pussy. We are basically tubes.

A police officer pulls over two Catholic priests. He says he's looking for two child molesters.

The Catholic priests look at each other: "We'll do it!"

What do you say to a depressed person on the ceiling?

Hang in there!

Why do orphans drink water with cereal?

Because their dad never came back with the milk.

The Titanic is now a resort for fish.

I was sitting at a bench at the park and saw a lady. She asked which kid was mine, and I responded, "I haven't decided yet."

If you give someone a plane ticket, they will fly for a day, but if you push them out of a plane, they'll fly for the rest of their life.

Give a man a match, he'll be warm for hours.

Light the man on fire, he'll be warm for the rest of his life.

Your hairline is so far away that even the Hubble Telescope can't see it.

That moment when the emo kid hangs himself in a bathroom stall, and the autistic kid thinks it's a pinata.

How did your dad come back with the milk? The Milky Way.

Yo mama's hairline got so many peaks and valleys, you thought you were looking at the Grand Canyon.

Your hairline goes so far back it remembers the big band.

Little Johnny saw his dad getting head from his mom. Johnny asked what they were doing, and mom stopped and said she was fixing his dad's pants. Little Johnny says, "That explains what the lady next door was doing."

You're so ugly, when you went to the makeup store, it shut down.