The jokes

The Titanic is now a resort for fish.

I was sitting at a bench at the park and saw a lady. She asked which kid was mine, and I responded, "I haven't decided yet."

If you give someone a plane ticket, they will fly for a day, but if you push them out of a plane, they'll fly for the rest of their life.

Give a man a match, he'll be warm for hours.

Light the man on fire, he'll be warm for the rest of his life.

Your hairline is so far away that even the Hubble Telescope can't see it.

That moment when the emo kid hangs himself in a bathroom stall, and the autistic kid thinks it's a pinata.

How did your dad come back with the milk? The Milky Way.

What is an epileptic's least favorite superhero? The Flash.

Yo mama's hairline got so many peaks and valleys, you thought you were looking at the Grand Canyon.

Your hairline goes so far back it remembers the big band.

Little Johnny saw his dad getting head from his mom. Johnny asked what they were doing, and mom stopped and said she was fixing his dad's pants. Little Johnny says, "That explains what the lady next door was doing."

You're so ugly, when you went to the makeup store, it shut down.

What song did the Titanic victims listen to as they died?

Ice, Ice Baby!!

What is the difference between an orphan and an apple tree?

The apples get picked.

When I see the names of lovers engraved on a tree, I don't find it cute or romantic. I find it weird how many people take knives with them on outings.

Two men ran into a bar. You would have thought after the first one hit it, the second one would have seen it.

Why did all the numbers mourn 10? Because he was in the middle of 9, 11.

I only know 25 letters of the alphabet. Why? I don't know Y.

Don't you just hate it when you're the first one to fall asleep at a sleepover, and then you hear, "Prank em, John?"

When you can’t see your adopted joke pop up, it’s the same as asking your adopted friend where their parents are and never finding it.