That jokes

My family is like an apple tree. My sister is that ugly one that has to rot in.

I was reading the news and read that a kid killed his family, and when they interviewed him, he said he wanted to become Batman.

Did you know that a lot of graves are put in churchyards?

Yeah, they're pretty holey.

If you eat her out on her period, does that make you Cunt Dracula?

I wish that people would stop mailing jokes about Kobe Bryant. Guys, all they do is crash and burn!

I told my orphan girlfriend that I had to grab milk. (Goes to the store, grabs milk.) As I grab the milk, I thought, "Hey, I bet I can repeat her life twice."

When rejected:

That's ok, the 3 other little pigs said no, too.

A kid asks his dad why his name is Experience. The dad says, "That's what we give our mistakes."

I don't get it.

Orphans are very religious, well mostly. Statistics say that roughly 2/3 of the orphan population go to church. I mean it's the only place they can call someone "father".

Q: I have a fish that can breakdance! A: Only for 20 seconds though, and only once.

What is worse than a baby getting hanged in a tree?

That same baby getting hanged in multiple trees.

He turns, he shoots!

And that is a horrible end to the Grand National...

The last joke about the dad was a joke. Don't take it seriously. Can't believe that people actually think that was true.

What did the skeleton say to the other? "Wow, that song, 'Spooky Scary Skeletons,' really does send chills down my spine!"

Why is sucking cock inside the confessional booth the only thing that a catholic priest doesn't have to give up for lent?

Because catholic priests don't have to be vegetarians during lent.

What do you get when you cross a bisexual male that is a catholic priest and a christian police officer that is a bisexual male and a born again homophobic heteroflexable male that is a christian nationalist who is in the closet a gay man that needs to be force out of the closet by any means necessary?

Somebody told me a chemistry joke. I thought it was sodium funny, I slapped my neon that one.

At the funeral of a family friend, I was chatting to June, an elderly lady I hadn’t seen since I was a teenager. I was thrilled when she told me what a beautiful young woman I’d become.

On the journey home, I remarked to my mother how lovely it had been to see June again.

“Yes, it’s such a shame that she’s gone blind,” she said sadly.

I got a job at a library once. I got fired like an hour in because the library manager said that the cookbooks didn’t go into the women’s sports section.

An old man walks to a busy restaurant. He tells the waiter what he wants and asks her, "Can I have a discount? I served in the war."

The waitress says, "Of course, and would you like that meal with sauce?"

"Nein," said the old man.