That jokes
Son: Mom, what's dark humor?
Mom: Do you see that man without arms over there? Tell him to clap.
Son: Mom, I’m blind.
Mom: Exactly.
I was trying to tell some people here to stop, but then I found out that the S was covered in blood from me assaulting someone.
What's an emo's favorite type of necklace? The kind that attaches to a ceiling beam.
Someone should start a vaping company with the slogan: "Vapes that hit harder than your dad." Sales would skyrocket.
What is the most noise that comes out of a ladies mouth? Nothing because they never have anything important to say.
A Canadian, an American, and a Mexican were tasked by a billionaire with teaching his stubborn pet parrot how to speak within 2 weeks.
They were given everything they needed to succeed, and a large sum of money was offered to the one who made the parrot talk first.
The Canadian played documentaries for the parrot through the whole duration. He spent all his time citing the alphabet and reading stories for the parrot.
The American showered him with the finest food, brought him all the females that he can mate with, and made sure to spoil the parrot as much as he can.
The Mexican locked the parrot in a dark room, barely gave him any food or water, and beat the shit out of him every single day.
When the time was up, the billionaire returned to find the parrot still unable to speak, so he asked the 3 trainers about their progress.
The Canadian goes: "I have tried everything. I spent all my time and energy teaching him the alphabet and reading books to him! Nothing worked."
The American agrees: "I have spoiled him beyond belief, gave him all the luxury he can possibly get, and yet he won't speak!"
The Mexican confirms: "I have showered him with love and luxury as well, tried to teach him words day and night, spent all my time and energy spoiling him with everything I had!"
The parrot looks at the Mexican with disbelief and yells out: "You lying motherfucker!"
If sugar is a drug, does that mean putting it in coffee is overdose?
What is the toughest part of the human body?
Anal hair, all the shit that they go through.
I’d roast you, but your mirror does that for me every day.
You're so fat that people say you're the biggest bird!
Imagine playing Subway Surfers in real life.
The creator's son tried that!
(My friends said to post this. I accept no responsibility.)
What is a good time for dinner, and what do I do? You can do dinner. Was that it?
Chuck Norris' dick is so big that it has its own dick. And his dick's dick is still bigger than Bruce Lee.
What was the drug addict's favorite nursery rhyme?
I'm a little crack pot short and stout, put that crack pipe in my mouth, sell my body or sell my couch, get that lighter and smoke me out!
Yo mama so fat, that’s why people don’t want to marry her, except for fat guys.
Germans be like, “Guten Morgan.”
Bitch, that's not my name.
Yo mama is so smelly that whenever she steps outside, she pollutes the air!
One, I grow some som more, yea, I am 4. I'm Caillou, I'm Caillou, I'm Caillou, that's me.
Alright, class, we have 39 students and 40 seats.
That one dyslexic kid thinking he’s Superman:
When you are f***ing your girlfriend and then she tells you that you f**k like your guys' dad.
Then you f**k your mom and she says the same thing.