That jokes

A lady walks into a dentist's office, sits on the counter, and spreads her legs. The dentist says, "I think you have the wrong idea." The lady replies, "Last week you gave my husband his false teeth; now you can get them out."

Yo mama so ugly that when she was born, the doctor looked at her face, then at her butt and said, "Twins!"

Kobe would still be alive if he would have gone to jail for raping that girl.

What do you call a blonde in a freezer?

Her parents called her Cindy, so we should probably continue calling her that. She was supposed to graduate tomorrow.

I once had a cat that reminded me of Doug Ford.

Fat, mean, and probably inbred.

When I was a kid, I used to read a lot. I mainly grew up reading stories by Shakespeare, especially the story Romeo & Juliet. That one in particular taught me a valuable life lesson. It taught me to not be surprised when my girlfriend killed herself.

An orphan made an Instagram. He did not know what that symbol was on the bottom left hand corner.

Jeff asks, "Did you hear about the guy they call the flash?"

Bob responds, "No, I haven't. Do they call him that because he runs fast?"

Jeff replies, "Nah, they call him that because he doesn't wear pants."

There's two types of emo people:

1. People that cut side to side.

2. And people that cut up and down.

The most efficient is up and down.

- I think you're EGGcellent.

+ Wow... You really CRACK ME UP with that joke. I think you're a EGGxtraordinary comedian.

- Really? Are you done yet?.

+ Are you kidding? I have a DOZEN of them.

Why are orphans so skinny?

They never eat anything that is family size.

A bus is a vehicle that runs twice as fast when you are after it as when you are in it.

This morning I was beaten up by a busty woman in an elevator.

I was staring at boobs, and she said, "Press One?"

So I did...

I don't remember much after that.

What happened to the frog that partied illegally?

He got TOAD away!

You're so bald that your hairline is receding faster than my bank account after a trip to Las Vegas.

A guy went to a bar and said to a friend that he found a girl on the railroads and said they had the best sex ever.

His friend asked, "Did you get any head?"

The guy said, "No, I couldn't find it."

There are a lot of things that explode... like cars, boats, the Twin Towers.

I got told I'm too mean and that I need to think before I speak. So now I take a couple minutes and think of what will REALLY piss the other person off.

My husband is mad that I have no sense of direction, so I packed up my stuff and left. Right?

You look sexy with that rope around your neck.