That jokes

I once had a cat that reminded me of Doug Ford.

Fat, mean, and probably inbred.

Jeff asks, "Did you hear about the guy they call the flash?"

Bob responds, "No, I haven't. Do they call him that because he runs fast?"

Jeff replies, "Nah, they call him that because he doesn't wear pants."

When I was a kid, I used to read a lot. I mainly grew up reading stories by Shakespeare, especially the story Romeo & Juliet. That one in particular taught me a valuable life lesson. It taught me to not be surprised when my girlfriend killed herself.

An orphan made an Instagram. He did not know what that symbol was on the bottom left hand corner.

A bus is a vehicle that runs twice as fast when you are after it as when you are in it.

Why are orphans so skinny?

They never eat anything that is family size.

Teacher: Okay class, what's a word that begins with A?

Student: Apple!

Teacher: Good! What's a word beginning with B?

Student:....Bitch...

What happened to the frog that partied illegally?

He got TOAD away!

There are a lot of things that explode... like cars, boats, the Twin Towers.

It is reported that when Churchill met Stalin at Yalta, they discussed their hobbies.

Churchill said: "I collect the jokes people tell me about me."

"That's a coincidence," said Stalin, "I collect the people who tell jokes about me."

I got told I'm too mean and that I need to think before I speak. So now I take a couple minutes and think of what will REALLY piss the other person off.

What did Adam say when he saw Eve?

Answer: "Woman!"

my therapist told me that time heals wounds i stabbed him now we wait

Has anybody noticed that the New York City football team is the New York Jets? They sure know how to scare the Twin Towers.

My grandpa said, "You kids rely on too much electronics." I said, well we will see about that. *unplugging life support* me: *oops*

You know that if it says, "Adopt a Highway" and no one does, we're driving on orphans.

My sis told me that onions are the only food that can make you cry...

So I threw a coconut at her.

What do you call a priest that graduated from law school?

Father-in-law.

Yo mama's so gay that, after watching Aladdin, she tried to fly on a pride flag!

Q: What did Chris Brown say when he first saw Rhianna?

A: I'd hit that.