It turns out a major new study recently found that humans eat more bananas than monkeys. It's true.
I can't remember the last time I ate a monkey.
Yo mama is so fat that when she fell, I didn't laugh, but the sidewalk cracked up.
Yo mama is so fat that I could write 3 paragraphs, and she still wouldn’t fit.
Yo mama so fat that Will Smith could slap her from a mile away.
I work as an IT technician. The other day, I had to fix Cristiano Ronaldo’s laptop. He pointed to a message on the screen saying, “Do you consent to cookies?” He said that he doesn’t eat cookies and doesn’t know what consent means, so that’s why he called me.
Did you know that former Australian Prime Minister Scott Morrison was a firefighter? He got fired for trying to fight a fire with tickets to Hawaii.
Two cows are grazing in a field.
One cow says to the other, "You ever worry about that mad cow disease?"
The other cow says, "Why would I care? I'm a helicopter!"
If you eat her out on her period, does that make you Cunt Dracula?
Why are the Twin Towers and genders so similar?
Because there used to be two of them, but it's offensive to joke about that now.
What's the worst thing that can happen to schools?
Quiet kids.