That jokes

Son: Dad, I know I'm adopted.

Dad: Well, how do you know?

Son: I found the adoption papers.

Dad: That is for your mum.

If you know, you know.

My friend had one request for me before he committed suicide, and that was to play Van Halen’s “Jump” at his funeral.

Why are Americans stupid? They shoot everyone that goes to school.

Q: What did Chris Brown say when he first saw Rhianna?

A: I'd hit that.

If 2 + 2 is 4, and 4 + 4 is 8, then that must mean I can lick your pussy.

You know that if it says, "Adopt a Highway" and no one does, we're driving on orphans.

My family is like an apple tree. My sister is that ugly one that has to rot in.

Yo Mama so stupid that when she saw a sign that said, “Airport Left,” she turned around and went home.

A kid asks his dad why his name is Experience. The dad says, "That's what we give our mistakes."

I wish that people would stop mailing jokes about Kobe Bryant. Guys, all they do is crash and burn!

I told my orphan girlfriend that I had to grab milk. (Goes to the store, grabs milk.) As I grab the milk, I thought, "Hey, I bet I can repeat her life twice."

Girlfriend: "One day I will marry and a lot of men will be sad that day."

Boyfriend: "Wow, how many men do you plan to marry?"

Little Johnny saw his dad getting head from his mom. Johnny asked what they were doing, and mom stopped and said she was fixing his dad's pants. Little Johnny says, "That explains what the lady next door was doing."

What was Michael Jackson's answer to the parents of the little boys who were left with him when asked why does he do it that way? Tell them that it's human nature.

Why is sucking cock inside the confessional booth the only thing that a catholic priest doesn't have to give up for lent?

Because catholic priests don't have to be vegetarians during lent.

"Dad? What's dark humor?" "See that man with no arms over there, son, tell him to clap." "But daddy, I'm blind."

"Your ass must be jealous of all that shit that comes out of your mouth."

Your hairline is so far away that even the Hubble Telescope can't see it.

I took my girlfriend to a Chinese restaurant. One hour after ordering, I went to ask the chef what was going on. That was until I heard barking from the kitchen.

What do you call a kid in a wheelchair that you push in a fire? Hot Wheels.