That jokes
I told my teacher, "I’m failing life." She said, "That’s not on the syllabus."
Why don't women parachute naked?
That annoying whistling sound on the way down.
A mirror and a beer bottle are arguing.
The beer bottle says: "If you break me, you get one year of bad luck."
The mirror scoffs: "Oh, that's nothing. You break me and you get 7 years of bad luck."
The condom overhears these arguments and walks off laughing.
Yo mamma is so dumb that she smokes to burn calories!
If an Indian kid is conceived in incest, would that make them OMbred?
How do you know that a woman is about to say something smart?
She starts the sentence with ‘a man once said.’
Y'know that foundation called "Autism Speaks"? No, it screeches.
I couldn't imagine being Abe Lincoln, that would be mind-blowing!
You know that if it says, "Adopt a Highway" and no one does, we're driving on orphans.
A girl walks into an Adult Store. "Hi, I want to buy that red dildo right there."
Cashier: "That's a fire extinguisher, you whore."
My husband is mad that I have no sense of direction, so I packed up my stuff and left. Right?
Son: Dad, I know I'm adopted.
Dad: Well, how do you know?
Son: I found the adoption papers.
Dad: That is for your mum.
If you know, you know.
My friend had one request for me before he committed suicide, and that was to play Van Halen’s “Jump” at his funeral.
Why are Americans stupid? They shoot everyone that goes to school.
Why is sucking cock inside the confessional booth the only thing that a catholic priest doesn't have to give up for lent?
Because catholic priests don't have to be vegetarians during lent.
"Dad? What's dark humor?" "See that man with no arms over there, son, tell him to clap." "But daddy, I'm blind."
I took my girlfriend to a Chinese restaurant. One hour after ordering, I went to ask the chef what was going on. That was until I heard barking from the kitchen.
"Your ass must be jealous of all that shit that comes out of your mouth."
I told my friend that we should dress up as P. Diddy and Drake for Halloween and ask parents if their kid wants to come over for a sleepover.
What did the trans woman say after finally telling her parents about her surgeries?
“It felt really good to get that off my chest.”