I once had a cat that reminded me of Doug Ford.
Fat, mean, and probably inbred.
What do you call a blonde in a freezer?
Her parents called her Cindy, so we should probably continue calling her that. She was supposed to graduate tomorrow.
When I was a kid, I used to read a lot. I mainly grew up reading stories by Shakespeare, especially the story Romeo & Juliet. That one in particular taught me a valuable life lesson. It taught me to not be surprised when my girlfriend killed herself.
An orphan made an Instagram. He did not know what that symbol was on the bottom left hand corner.
Jeff asks, "Did you hear about the guy they call the flash?"
Bob responds, "No, I haven't. Do they call him that because he runs fast?"
Jeff replies, "Nah, they call him that because he doesn't wear pants."
A bus is a vehicle that runs twice as fast when you are after it as when you are in it.
Yo mama is so fat that I could write 3 paragraphs, and she still wouldn’t fit.
What was the name of the Mexican that lost his car?
Carlos.
Grandpa: "Sonny, let me tell you something. There's only one damn thing in this whole world worse than Alzheimer's."
Boy: "What's that?"
Grandpa: "What's what?"
Yo mama is so fat that when she fell, I didn't laugh, but the sidewalk cracked up.
What did Adam say when he saw Eve?
Answer: "Woman!"
I brought a new pen that can write underwater. It can also write other words.
I took a pole today. 100% of the people in the tent were unhappy that it collapsed.
What did the trans woman say after finally telling her parents about her surgeries?
“It felt really good to get that off my chest.”
What's the difference between yo mama and a fat ugly pig? - I never fucked that fat ugly pig...
A girl walks into an Adult Store. "Hi, I want to buy that red dildo right there."
Cashier: "That's a fire extinguisher, you whore."
You know that if it says, "Adopt a Highway" and no one does, we're driving on orphans.
my therapist told me that time heals wounds i stabbed him now we wait
I heard that cataracts are the third leading cause of blindness...
... the first two being politics and religion.
Why don't women parachute naked?
That annoying whistling sound on the way down.
