Grandpa: "Sonny, let me tell you something. There's only one damn thing in this whole world worse than Alzheimer's."
Boy: "What's that?"
Grandpa: "What's what?"
That Jokes
My boy, I think it is about time that I leave this world. Now draw your weapon and kill me now!
*draws a picture of his "epic" sword*
"What... WHAT... WTH ARE YOU DOING SIMPLETON? I DIDN'T MEAN THAT KIND OF DRAW!"
A girl walks into an Adult Store. "Hi, I want to buy that red dildo right there."
Cashier: "That's a fire extinguisher, you whore."
What's the difference between yo mama and a fat ugly pig? - I never fucked that fat ugly pig...
You're so scary that even your hairline ran away.
Why don't women parachute naked?
That annoying whistling sound on the way down.
This morning I was beaten up by a busty woman in an elevator.
I was staring at boobs, and she said, "Press One?"
So I did...
I don't remember much after that.
I used to be in a special needs class, and the teacher sent a student (if you want to call them that) out to the hall for being late.
I asked her, "Why did you send James out to the hall?"
She said, "He was a little tardy."
I replied to her, "I thought they all were."
I heard that cataracts are the third leading cause of blindness...
... the first two being politics and religion.
What did the trans woman say after finally telling her parents about her surgeries?
“It felt really good to get that off my chest.”
A guy went to a bar and said to a friend that he found a girl on the railroads and said they had the best sex ever.
His friend asked, "Did you get any head?"
The guy said, "No, I couldn't find it."
Why don’t old people have sex?
When was the last time you tried pulling apart a grilled cheese that old?
Can you imagine the last thing that went through the minds of 9/11 victims?
Well, probably the person in front of them.
You know that if it says, "Adopt a Highway" and no one does, we're driving on orphans.
Q: What did Chris Brown say when he first saw Rhianna?
A: I'd hit that.
My sis told me that onions are the only food that can make you cry...
So I threw a coconut at her.
What do you call a priest that graduated from law school?
Father-in-law.
Yo mama's so gay that, after watching Aladdin, she tried to fly on a pride flag!
Has anybody noticed that the New York City football team is the New York Jets? They sure know how to scare the Twin Towers.
My (at the time) boyfriend told our chemistry teacher that blood is corrosive to steel.
Anyways, my sharpener isn’t working because the blade has been too badly damaged from something else...
