That jokes
You're so skinny that the professor thought you were the skeleton.
Did you hear that Michael Jackson once got food poisoning?
He ate 12-year-old nuts.
Man: Cow milk is drinkable.
Other man: How do you know that?
Man: *smiles with milk all over mouth*
Other man: John...h-how do you know that!
It turns out a major new study recently found that humans eat more bananas than monkeys. It's true.
I can't remember the last time I ate a monkey.
My mom tells me to stop with the suicide jokes, and I replied with, "It's not that deep."
Memes
Oh, Lois, that was more scary than Michael Jackson without pants in front of a kid!
Yo mama is so ugly that your dad has to be drunk to bring her home.
Your hairline is so far gone that it looks like someone dropped a nuclear bomb on it.
Grandpa: "Sonny, let me tell you something. There's only one damn thing in this whole world worse than Alzheimer's."
Boy: "What's that?"
Grandpa: "What's what?"
Two cows are grazing in a field.
One cow says to the other, "You ever worry about that mad cow disease?"
The other cow says, "Why would I care? I'm a helicopter!"
A: Why are you so sad?
B: I was watching porn, and all of a sudden my wife opened the door.
A: Ok, I see, but is that really such a big deal?
B: I mean, she opened the door in the movie!
Did you know that McDonald's made a Michael Jackson burger?
It’s a 50-year-old piece of meat in a 12-year-old bun.
What’s the difference between Jeffrey Dahmer and a priest?
They both like lil' boys.
If you eat her out on her period, does that make you Cunt Dracula?
Was invited to the inauguration of an I-pad.
We were all ready to begin the event. I was supposed to cut the ribbons, but before I could do that, Penaldo jumped outta nowhere and shouted, "I DON'T WANT I-PAD, I ONLY WANT TO STATPAD!"
Shame on Penaldo for ruining the event! 😡
I was sad because I had no shoes, until I met a man who had no feet.
Then I was even sadder, because that lucky guy didn't even *need* shoes!
Get a calculator.
Okay, anyways, Sally has 69 bottles of boobs (because she is a cannibal that collects boobs) and her friend said it was 222 many. She got caught by the police and was taken to 51st Street. She got arrested for x8 days, so she was BOOBLESS.
Why are the Twin Towers and genders so similar?
Because there used to be two of them, but it's offensive to joke about that now.
What's the worst thing that can happen to schools?
Quiet kids.
What was the name of the Mexican that lost his car?
Carlos.