That jokes

You know that at Walmart they have backpacks next to the guns? Well, I thought that it was nice to see the bags next to the school supplies.

My (at the time) boyfriend told our chemistry teacher that blood is corrosive to steel.

Anyways, my sharpener isn’t working because the blade has been too badly damaged from something else...

You're so bald that your hairline is receding faster than my bank account after a trip to Las Vegas.

What's the difference between yo mama and a fat ugly pig? - I never fucked that fat ugly pig...

Can you imagine the last thing that went through the minds of 9/11 victims?

Well, probably the person in front of them.

You're so skinny that the professor thought you were the skeleton.

Did you hear that Michael Jackson once got food poisoning?

He ate 12-year-old nuts.

Man: Cow milk is drinkable.

Other man: How do you know that?

Man: *smiles with milk all over mouth*

Other man: John...h-how do you know that!

It turns out a major new study recently found that humans eat more bananas than monkeys. It's true.

I can't remember the last time I ate a monkey.

My mom tells me to stop with the suicide jokes, and I replied with, "It's not that deep."

Oh, Lois, that was more scary than Michael Jackson without pants in front of a kid!

Yo mama is so ugly that your dad has to be drunk to bring her home.

Your hairline is so far gone that it looks like someone dropped a nuclear bomb on it.

Grandpa: "Sonny, let me tell you something. There's only one damn thing in this whole world worse than Alzheimer's."

Boy: "What's that?"

Grandpa: "What's what?"

Two cows are grazing in a field.

One cow says to the other, "You ever worry about that mad cow disease?"

The other cow says, "Why would I care? I'm a helicopter!"

A: Why are you so sad?

B: I was watching porn, and all of a sudden my wife opened the door.

A: Ok, I see, but is that really such a big deal?

B: I mean, she opened the door in the movie!

Did you know that McDonald's made a Michael Jackson burger?

It’s a 50-year-old piece of meat in a 12-year-old bun.

What’s the difference between Jeffrey Dahmer and a priest?

They both like lil' boys.

If you eat her out on her period, does that make you Cunt Dracula?

Was invited to the inauguration of an I-pad.

We were all ready to begin the event. I was supposed to cut the ribbons, but before I could do that, Penaldo jumped outta nowhere and shouted, "I DON'T WANT I-PAD, I ONLY WANT TO STATPAD!"

Shame on Penaldo for ruining the event! 😡