That jokes

Has anybody noticed that the New York City football team is the New York Jets? They sure know how to scare the Twin Towers.

My sis told me that onions are the only food that can make you cry...

So I threw a coconut at her.

What do you call a priest that graduated from law school?

Father-in-law.

Yo mama's so gay that, after watching Aladdin, she tried to fly on a pride flag!

Q: What did Chris Brown say when he first saw Rhianna?

A: I'd hit that.

Did you hear that Michael Jackson once got food poisoning?

He ate 12-year-old nuts.

You know that if it says, "Adopt a Highway" and no one does, we're driving on orphans.

What do you call a non-binary person that is lactose intolerant?

Non-buy dairy.

My grandpa said, "You kids rely on too much electronics." I said, well we will see about that. *unplugging life support* me: *oops*

You know that at Walmart they have backpacks next to the guns? Well, I thought that it was nice to see the bags next to the school supplies.

My (at the time) boyfriend told our chemistry teacher that blood is corrosive to steel.

Anyways, my sharpener isn’t working because the blade has been too badly damaged from something else...

What's the difference between yo mama and a fat ugly pig? - I never fucked that fat ugly pig...

I used to be in a special needs class, and the teacher sent a student (if you want to call them that) out to the hall for being late.

I asked her, "Why did you send James out to the hall?"

She said, "He was a little tardy."

I replied to her, "I thought they all were."

I heard that cataracts are the third leading cause of blindness...

... the first two being politics and religion.

Why don't women parachute naked?

That annoying whistling sound on the way down.

Did you know that a majority of the U.S. is afraid of the dark?

Especially if they are right behind you at the ATM.

Can you imagine the last thing that went through the minds of 9/11 victims?

Well, probably the person in front of them.

Does Eminem like M\&M's? Cause if he didn't, that would be like "they're" not liking "there."

Why don’t old people have sex?

When was the last time you tried pulling apart a grilled cheese that old?

my therapist told me that time heals wounds i stabbed him now we wait