That jokes

Yo mama so fat that Will Smith could slap her from a mile away.

I work as an IT technician. The other day, I had to fix Cristiano Ronaldo’s laptop. He pointed to a message on the screen saying, “Do you consent to cookies?” He said that he doesn’t eat cookies and doesn’t know what consent means, so that’s why he called me.

Don’t criticize someone until you’ve walked a mile in their shoes.

So, when you criticize them, they won’t be able to hear you from that far away. Plus, you’ll have their shoes.

I got so drunk with the guys yesterday that when the Uber driver asked how many drinks I had, I said, "Yes."

If you eat her out on her period, does that make you Cunt Dracula?

Was invited to the inauguration of an I-pad.

We were all ready to begin the event. I was supposed to cut the ribbons, but before I could do that, Penaldo jumped outta nowhere and shouted, "I DON'T WANT I-PAD, I ONLY WANT TO STATPAD!"

Shame on Penaldo for ruining the event! 😡

Two cows are grazing in a field.

One cow says to the other, "You ever worry about that mad cow disease?"

The other cow says, "Why would I care? I'm a helicopter!"

Why are the Twin Towers and genders so similar?

Because there used to be two of them, but it's offensive to joke about that now.

Person 1: “Hey, today was great!”

Person 2: “What happened?”

Person 1: “I ran into my ex today.”

Person 2: “What’s so great about that?”

Person 1: “I was in my car.”

Yo, hairline been missing so badly that the police had to put up a wanted poster for it!

A: Why are you so sad?

B: I was watching porn, and all of a sudden my wife opened the door.

A: Ok, I see, but is that really such a big deal?

B: I mean, she opened the door in the movie!

Yo mama is so ugly that your dad has to be drunk to bring her home.

Your hairline is so far gone that it looks like someone dropped a nuclear bomb on it.

Man: Cow milk is drinkable.

Other man: How do you know that?

Man: *smiles with milk all over mouth*

Other man: John...h-how do you know that!

It turns out a major new study recently found that humans eat more bananas than monkeys. It's true.

I can't remember the last time I ate a monkey.

Did you know that McDonald's made a Michael Jackson burger?

It’s a 50-year-old piece of meat in a 12-year-old bun.

What’s the difference between Jeffrey Dahmer and a priest?

They both like lil' boys.

My mom tells me to stop with the suicide jokes, and I replied with, "It's not that deep."

It is reported that when Churchill met Stalin at Yalta, they discussed their hobbies.

Churchill said: "I collect the jokes people tell me about me."

"That's a coincidence," said Stalin, "I collect the people who tell jokes about me."

I took a pole today. 100% of the people in the tent were unhappy that it collapsed.