That jokes

It’s disappointing that Los Angeles doesn’t offer better transportation, especially since my neighbor offers free mustache rides every night.

I looked up how fast cum shoots and it said 28 mph. That means that ejaculation is illegal in school zones!

A depressed man has been thinking of killing himself, and his friend says, "Find Jesus instead, he'll help you!"

And then the man says, "It's pretty hard to 'get help' from something that doesn't exist."

I wish my nails were emo so that they would cut themselves.

"Number 15: Burger King foot lettuce. The last thing you want in your Burger King burger is someone's foot fungus, but as it turns out, that might be what you get."

My mother-in-law would have been on one of the planes that crashed on 9/11.

Had I known in advance, I would have bought her the ticket.

What did the Ford Mustang say to the crowd of innocent people?

I'D HIT THAT!

There's a girl I like in my school, but she's always on her phone. It seems that I can't get a SIGNAL from her.

Me: What do we need from there? I have a few things to do before I head out to the store, and then I will be home to pick up the stuff.

Random person: What stuff? 🤨

Me: What?

The person: You said you’re going to pick up “the stuff”!!! What do you mean by that?!

Me: Colourful flamingo fart.

I don’t see why people say that emo kids don’t like to hangout. I seen them hanging all day.

If you don't like racist people, isn't that discrimination?

You know that at Walmart they have backpacks next to the guns? Well, I thought that it was nice to see the bags next to the school supplies.

Religion... That is all.

And Sterling has taken a dive.

That's all for financial news, back to the football.

Me: Hey, wanna know my spirit animal?

Friend: Sure.

Me: Roadkill, because I can see my mom pretty clearly now.

Friend: Wait, aren't you dead?

Me: Aren't you my son?

Friend: So that's what Mom was trying to hide from me.

Yo mama so fat that the weighing scale said, "To be continued..."

What do you call a hospital that's flooded with vegetable soup?

Someone: "I got chickens out there vibin'."

Me: "What? Oh, you mean those over-sized chickens that just show an example of you in real life?"

Someone: . . .

Yo momma so queer that she thinks Paige Stawicki will be the first female in the NHL.

What do you call a pillow that has been on the bed for 20 years in jail?

A criminal! 😃😃😃😃😃😃😃😃😃