If you ever get chased by a police dog, try not to go through a tunnel, then on to a little seesaw, then jump through a hoop of fire.
They're trained for that.
That Jokes
During Covid, lockdown went on for so long that even the agoraphobics got cabin fever.
A science teacher got on the Space Shuttle Challenger after winning a contest out of 11,000 other teachers.
Imagine being one of the losing teachers in that contest, watching the Space Shuttle Challenger, and thinking, "Talking about dodging a bullet!"
Friends, who's your barber? They mess up big time.
Me.
You're just jealous because my dad cuts my hair for free, and you have to be paying 30 dollars just for that short-ass cut.
Why did the priest go to the clothing sale at Walmart?
He heard that little boy's pants were half off.
Doctor: I’m so sorry, sir, but you only have a couple months left.
The sir: My children will be devastated.
Doctor: But I have a shot that can change that.
The sir: Whatever it takes.
*Suppressed gunshots*
Yo mama so fat that when she sat on an AirPod Pro, she turned it into an iPad!
This website is darker than the kid that got arrested last week.
My mom wanted me to brush my hair.
And I just told her that even pet animals don't like their hair brushed...
The Queen: "I've had a few medical problems this year. I'm so old that my pussy is haunted!"
What is an owl that wears armor?
Say "traffic," and replace "r" with "h." It sounds like... that thicc.
I told my therapist you are too fat and ugly to date grown men. Then she asked me, "You wanna give a judgemental reaction about that?" I said, "Okay, you smell rat pee on somebody's cock."
What do you call an alligator that likes donuts? A donutator!
Sarcastic Doctor: Tell me.
Guy: I have leukemia in the brain.
Sarcastic Doctor: That doesn't concern me.
One man said, "Do you need 20 bucks?"
The other said, "Do you have that many?"
The village people said that they need their idiot back; you better get going!
Me in my dream: What a good day! *rumble* Ooh! What was that?
I wake up and I find myself on the floor.
Did you hear about the astronaut that stepped in gum and got stuck?
He got stuck in orbit! Hehhehe.
What do you call a can opener that doesn't work? A can't opener.
