That jokes

I am so cool that even the fridge or a snowman would shiver his timbers when they see me :).

A pair of Newfies decide to visit Toronto. They drive through Nova Scotia, through New Brunswick, through Montréal, Kingston, Oshawa... then they see a sign that says "Toronto Left", so they turn back around and go home.

You're so dark that even God's light can't shine upon you.

You're so boring that you make war veterans die quicker, and yet they're still on life support.

Yo mama is so Jewish that pennies run away from getting pinched by her.

Yo mama so ugly that she's the reason monsters hide under the beds.

Yo mama is so ugly that her DoorDash driver took her order away.

Yo mama is so ugly that Bumble accused her of catfishing.

What does a Right-Winger say when he sees a rainbow above the sky?

"A colorful sky? That's too woke for me. Jesus and our ancestors would have never stood for this!"

I had a teacher named Mr. Stubs. I asked why he was given that name, and he replied, "My parents said my limbs were spare parts."

Why do people use terms like "sucky" to mean that they don't like something?

If something "sucks," shouldn't that signify that it is at least good for one thing and will bring pleasure?

Your hairline looks like something that came off the bottom of a Reese's cup.

Did you know the food that was on the plane?

It was the bomb.

When you were late to school and your teacher called you tardy, she meant that in more ways than one.

What do you call a fat, lazy person who smokes weed? A baked potato.

Someone prank calls a general. The general hangs up and goes, "Kids these days have no respect for their elders. That's why I send them all to die."

I think they are New York Jets fans and the Jets QB helped them... That's why one of them was off target.

Which came first, the chicken or the egg? Neither. It was evolution.

When you are trying to write a speech about Columbus, don't make a joke that he was on a seafood diet because the audience might think you and Columbus were fat. You know, 'see food, eat everything.'

I pulled my kid out of school after a woke teacher taught my six-year-old about pronouns! Yesterday, it was "he/she," today, "they/it," tomorrow, "I/you/we!"