That jokes

Little Johnny said to his mate, "I bet I can make you swear." His mate said, "Good luck." So Johnny told his mate that he slept with his sister. His mate yelled, "I'm gonna fucking kill you!"

Q: What do you call an owner that can't take care of their cat? A: A impurrefect owner.

Yo mama is so fat that she got on the scale, and it says, "Lose some pounds before you get on the scale, or it will break!"

Yo mama is so fat that she stepped on the scale and it says, "Hey fat b****, break your fat a** in half so you won't weigh as much!"

Teacher: What do you want when you grow up?

That depressed kid in class: Dead.

Have you ever been accused of a crime you didn't commit? Well, I have! I was wrongfully accused of larceny yesterday. I'm not smart enough for that, I just stole some stuff.

Did you know that the "F" in orphan stands for family?

That moment when you think the music is loud enough to fart and no one would notice, but then you realize that you have headphones on.

Why were Twin Towers mad that their food wasn’t good enough?

Because they got plain.

What do you call a traffic light that tells you, "Don't look, I am changing!"

What do you call a Democrat that is a progressive?

A Democrat that lost in a presidential election.

Hey, I just wanna be in bed. I just wanna stay ahead. I just feel like I am dead, And I like that color red. Hey, I am not the big fat loser, And you're just a big accuser, You user and excuser.

Say this to you sister, toxic BF, anyone :)

Deku: Hey, Todoroki?

Shoto: Wht?

Deku: I just found out on the news that your dad froze to death. Do you know who did it?

Shoto: :)

So I suggested to my wife that she'd look sexier with her hair back...

Which is apparently an insensitive thing to say to a cancer patient.

Kid: Mom, do trees poop?

Mom: Yes. That is how we get #2 pencils.

My grandfather told me I’m too reliant on technology, so I unplugged his life support and called him a hypocrite. I doubt he ever said that to anyone ever again.

Damn bro, that calculator is looking hot today. It got abs!

Yo mama is so ugly that not even goldfish smile back at her.

That forehead is so tall it can eat a plane! Open wide!

My friend that used to be married was making jokes about me being short. Then I told him, "Your marriage was so short it made me look like Shaquille O'Neal."