I wanted to hire a butler for my new mansion in downtown LA. As he arrived, he introduced himself and I discovered it was Ghostionel Pessi.
I asked him why is he working as a butler? He told me that “a big game is coming up so he needs to refine his bottleling skills.” DAMN PESSI!
Did you know that McDonald's have a new McScully burger?
It's a 59-year-old piece of meat in a 2-year-old bun.
When you're so rich that you can buy anything, you end up getting a cow in your living room. Yeah, anyways, my ex is still in my living room.
Your face is so big that not even you can see it.
When I was 11, my mom came home from the bar super drunk that night, and I just wanted to know if they knew where the cat was because I heard a noise. We had a loooooooong talk the next morning.
"Why can’t you be comfortable with my own body?"
"I think you should ask yourself that."
Ex-bf's gf: You're so ugly as hell.
Me: Oh, did I mention that I was trying to be you?
You're so ugly that when you were born, the doctor threw you out the window, and the window threw you back.
Roses are red, that much is true.
But violets are violet, not f*ing blue!
If I had a dime for every time I heard someone say that F was the villain (Alphabet Lore), I would be rich.
Having cockroaches in the house is a sign that you've food.
These things are like Ugandan girls, they hate poverty.
Hey, that's the thing my grandpa has. They say that to treat it, I should call him a bitch!
What do you call a hippo that lays eggs? A eggoppotimos.
I'm still wondering who took Jesus' sandals.
Even the one who ate that dove that sat at Jesus' shoulder. 🤔
Why did Jesus come back from the dead? He forgot to tell you that you're gay!
Your hairline is so far back that I hate it! 🤣
The only difference between my grandma and the twin towers is that they collapsed faster than my grandma.
What is a four-legged animal called that can fly?
A donkey flying in the sky running away from me.
You abuse me that I have no beards, but your sugar daddy shaved them off to look cute. 🤔
Your mom was dating a boy that had a twin brother, but she did it with the wrong one.
