That jokes

One time Uma Thurman was Poison Ivy; she was weird in that, except for her punny jokes.

I was wearing a George Floyd t-shirt, and a person said to me: "That must be a bit tight round the neck."

Someone handed me a knife the other day and told me that it was very smart.

I made sure it didn't outsmart me.

Your mom is so old that her birth certificate says "expired."

My girlfriend is growing watermelons, not in the ground though (we had fun that night)!

What does the plane that hit the Twin Towers and milk have in common?

My dad went to get both and never came back.

Did you hear that song about 9/11? It was a real banger!

Your sister is so ugly that she made an onion cry.

Why do orphans say, "Go big or go home?"

So that way they feel important.

My ex was an orphan as a child.

I should have taken that as the first sign.

If her parents didn’t want her, why would I?

Where did little billy go when he was stuck in a minefield... everywhere.

That joke was pretty dark, but it got pretty light for a second.

Your mom is so fat, that burger.

Your forehead is so big that when you put glasses on top of your head, it falls off.

You know they say, when you get lemons make lemonade... Well, I took that a little bit too literal.

Turns out squeezing your wife's tits as hard as you can hurts them.

But at least lemonade came out!

What do you call an orphan that has a brother? The second one without one.

Your mom is so fat that when she saw Moby Dick, she said, "We are family... even though you're bigger than me."

Your hairline is so far back that it killed the dinosaurs.

Did you see that car crash today where the guy got the entire left side of his body cut off?

He's all right now.

Can you imagine what was the last thing that went through their brains?

The knee caps.

You might think that tigers or lions are the best jumpers, but in my opinion, it's emos, because some of them are still in the air.