I told my dad that I wanted to go to a college with a 100% acceptance rate and a 50% graduation rate, and he said, "Your mom doesn't count as a college!"
That Jokes
My husband left a note on the fridge that said, “This isn’t working.”
I'm not sure what he's talking about. I opened the fridge door and it’s working fine? Anyone know what he means?
My boss told me I have a preoccupation with vengeance... We'll see about that!
Ever wonder how a Jehovah’s Witness spreads their word during Covid?
Now that you’re here, do you have a moment to talk about our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ?
I used to be in a special needs class, and the teacher sent a student (if you want to call them that) out to the hall for being late.
I asked her, "Why did you send James out to the hall?"
She said, "She was a little tardy."
I asked her, "I thought they all were."
What is the world's strongest material?
The tree that Paul Walker hit.
What do you call a person in a wheelchair that lives in Africa?
Dry Vegetable.
Yo mama so hairy that she got a haircut and lost 47 pounds.
Chuck Norris once went to hell.
After that, the Devil only falls asleep after he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
Yo mama so fat that when she landed on the moon, instead of saying "One small step for man kind," she said, "One small step for world domination!"
Yo mama's so fat that every time she goes on an elevator, it goes down.
My mom told me that Africans don't have food, so I shipped my fat-ass brother.
My son caught me masturbating. He asked me, "What are you doing?" and I said, "Don't worry, son, you'll be doing it soon." He asks, "Why is that?" and I said, "My arm's getting tired."
Is it sexual harassment if a midget walks by you and tells you that your hair smells nice?
What do you call two AI systems that are in love with each other? Member of chat LGBT.
When there are more suicidal people, it means there are fewer suicidal people. That means there is an infinite generator of them.
I asked to switch seats on a plane because I was next to a crying baby.
Evidently that doesn't work if the baby is yours.
"What do you give a man that has everything? Penicillin."
Yo mama so fat that she walked in front of the TV, and I missed a whole episode of iCarly.
The man fired from the World Trade Center on September 10.
That is just plain wrong.