That jokes
My grandfather said that I was too reliant on technology. I called him a hypocrite and cut him off life support.
Q: I'm a famous athlete and I've got a lot of fans.
A: Is that why I never see you sweat?
What do you call a German that is blind? A not-see.
What do you call a hippo that has been thrown in a pan?
Hippo-POT-amus!
So last week I gave my blind friend a cheese grater. The next two weeks he told me that was the most violent book he has ever read.
Memes
Gf: Babe, do you love me?
Bf: Count the stars and that's how much I love you.
Gf: But it's morning, sweetie...
Bf: Exactly.
Gf: :0, I'll take that as a no.
Well on the positive side: the Mexicans will probably want to pay for, and build, that wall at this point! Maybe the Canadians as well; two free walls!
What do you call seagulls that fly over a bay? Bay-gulls.
You know that you f**k better than dad?
I know, mom says that too. (Typical Alabama Family)
You're so short that you use a ladder to reach a dime.
Keep smearing that make-up around your face, maybe you'll get somewhere with it.
Mom: It's time for sleep.
Baby: Is that what you think, huh?
Mom: *gives baby pacifier*
Baby: Nice try, hobo.
Mom: Well, I'll come back later to see if he's gone asleep.
*few hours later*
Baby: *still awake*
Mom: Why IS HE NOT ASLEEP?!
Baby: Lol, I told you nice try haha.
",':/ wait wtf that post below me was gay."
You're so fat that I run around you for exercise.
Teacher: What do you want to be when you grow up?
That depressed kid in class: Dead.
I saw a little kid crying today. I asked where his parents were, and he started to cry more. I left the orphanage to get some milk after that.
Yo mama so fat I bet that her fart can clear a room in seconds.
Mirrors can’t talk; it’s sad that they can’t laugh at you!
"9/11 people" say that jet fuel cannot melt steel beams.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Orange who?
Orange glad I didn’t say banana. Hahaha, you’re right, I hate that guy!