I'd like to have kids one day.
I don't think I could stand them any longer than that, though.
That Jokes
Your hairline recedes so far back that it defends your forehead.
Helen Keller: *Gets knocked to the floor*
Helen Keller (in her head): "Wow, I didn't see that coming!"
Chris Hemsworth is Australian, and Thor is from space. Does that make him an Australien?
What do you call a chicken that catches ghosts? A poultrygeist.
When I went to see the doctor, he remarked that he hadn't seen me in a while.
I said that I have been ill.
Did you hear about the delivery boy that worked for that Italian Restaurant down the street?
Yeah, he Pasta-Way.
Yo momma's so hairy that when the baby came out, it got rug burn.
The doe comes out of the woods, shakes herself, and says,
"I can't believe I did that for 2 bucks!"
Someone handed me a knife the other day and told me that it was very smart.
I made sure it didn't outsmart me.
I was just informed that my ex was stabbed yesterday. Let's just say I quit my job as a butcher.
Yo mama so short that when she plays mini golf, it's just called golf.
What do you call a midget that waves at you?
A microwave.
If my cat were a cactus, doesn't that make him the catus?
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get to the side that he was not on.
What’s something you can say at the funeral but also in bed?
"Damn, that's really stiff!"
Imagine playing Subway Surfers in real life.
The creator's son tried that!
(My friends said to post this. I accept no responsibility.)
What’s one thing that an orphan can never get in poker?
A full house.
You're so fat that when they tried to print a picture of you through the computer, they couldn't fit you in the whole picture because you were so big!
Yo mama is so fat that when she fell over, she created the Grand Canyon.
