That jokes

Oh, Lois, that was more scary than Michael Jackson without pants in front of a kid!

You're so skinny that the professor thought you were the skeleton.

You look sexy with that rope around your neck.

Did you hear that Michael Jackson once got food poisoning?

He ate 12-year-old nuts.

You know that at Walmart they have backpacks next to the guns? Well, I thought that it was nice to see the bags next to the school supplies.

My (at the time) boyfriend told our chemistry teacher that blood is corrosive to steel.

Anyways, my sharpener isn’t working because the blade has been too badly damaged from something else...

I used to be in a special needs class, and the teacher sent a student (if you want to call them that) out to the hall for being late.

I asked her, "Why did you send James out to the hall?"

She said, "He was a little tardy."

I replied to her, "I thought they all were."

I heard that cataracts are the third leading cause of blindness...

... the first two being politics and religion.

Man: Cow milk is drinkable.

Other man: How do you know that?

Man: *smiles with milk all over mouth*

Other man: John...h-how do you know that!

It turns out a major new study recently found that humans eat more bananas than monkeys. It's true.

I can't remember the last time I ate a monkey.

My mom tells me to stop with the suicide jokes, and I replied with, "It's not that deep."

Yo mama is so ugly that your dad has to be drunk to bring her home.

Your hairline is so far gone that it looks like someone dropped a nuclear bomb on it.

Why does Batman cover half of his face? To let the police know that he's white.

Pick a number, syckkkkkkk, that’s the wrong number.

I was sad because I had no shoes, until I met a man who had no feet.

Then I was even sadder, because that lucky guy didn't even *need* shoes!

What’s the difference between Jeffrey Dahmer and a priest?

They both like lil' boys.

Dude,

if you stab a cereal box, will that make you a cereal killer?

Get a calculator.

Okay, anyways, Sally has 69 bottles of boobs (because she is a cannibal that collects boobs) and her friend said it was 222 many. She got caught by the police and was taken to 51st Street. She got arrested for x8 days, so she was BOOBLESS.

Yo mama is so fat that when she fell, I didn't laugh, but the sidewalk cracked up.