That jokes

I used to think that I had a Japanese friend, but it was just my imagi-asian.

In his dream, some people gave the Hodja nine gold coins, but Hodja wanted ten. So he refused them. Suddenly, he awoke and saw that his hands were empty. So, he quickly closed his eyes again and said, "It's okay, I'll take the nine coins."

There are a lot of things that explode... like cars, boats, the Twin Towers.

I got told I'm too mean and that I need to think before I speak. So now I take a couple minutes and think of what will REALLY piss the other person off.

You're so skinny that the professor thought you were the skeleton.

You look sexy with that rope around your neck.

my therapist told me that time heals wounds i stabbed him now we wait

The doctor told me I'm color blind...

Me: That's out of the purple!

Nobody: Aww, that's so sad!

Me: Just like me.

What do you call a priest that graduated from law school?

Father-in-law.

Roses or daisies? Now I know what flowers to put on your casket when I murder that pussy.

I heard that cataracts are the third leading cause of blindness...

... the first two being politics and religion.

I used to be in a special needs class, and the teacher sent a student (if you want to call them that) out to the hall for being late.

I asked her, "Why did you send James out to the hall?"

She said, "He was a little tardy."

I replied to her, "I thought they all were."

How do you trick a homophobic heterosexual male that is a Roman Catholic priest into using the glory hole inside the men's restroom at a gay bar?

Tell him that it is a confessional booth.

It turns out a major new study recently found that humans eat more bananas than monkeys. It's true.

I can't remember the last time I ate a monkey.

Yo mama is so ugly that your dad has to be drunk to bring her home.

Did you hear that Michael Jackson once got food poisoning?

He ate 12-year-old nuts.

Has anybody noticed that the New York City football team is the New York Jets? They sure know how to scare the Twin Towers.

My mom tells me to stop with the suicide jokes, and I replied with, "It's not that deep."

Your hairline is so far gone that it looks like someone dropped a nuclear bomb on it.