That jokes

Someone butt-dialed me again yesterday. It seems that only assholes want to talk to me.

Did you know that new Teslas don't come with the new car smell?

They come with an Elon Musk.

I decided that I'll end it all, but when I drove off, I remembered I forgot to do the dishes.

Ejaculated in her braces, call that children behind bars.

Your mama is so fat that she took a picture at Christmas, and it's still downloading.

Officer, I drop-kicked that child in self-defense!

You gotta believe me!

I went up to the blind kid and said, "Can you get that for me?" and he said, "I can't, I'm blind." And so I said, "I see."

Your forehead is so big that your face touches your chin.

Why did the man fall into a well? He couldn’t see that well.

That joke didn't land well, did it?

Why do Swedish warships have barcodes on them?

So that when they return to port, they can Scandinavian.

I'm a gay depressed person. Would that make me a happy unhappy person?

Last words of the mayor of Hiroshima: “What the fuck was that noise?”

So, I took a poop outside. When I was done, I wiped and got it on my finger. After that, I had Nutella, and I thought the poop on my hand was Nutella, and I licked it. I said, "Daddy chill, what in the heck is this crap?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

A woman is slightly drunk, watching a video, when she yells at the screen, "Don't go into that church you dumb bitch!"

Her husband asks, "What are you watching?"

"Our wedding video."

Did you know that the F in orphan means family?

There's no F in orphan?

Exactly.

Don't do suicide, that shit kills.

Q: What do you call a Mexican that lost his car?

A: Carlos.

It's not that the man did not know how to juggle, he just didn't have the balls to do it.

If you eat a clock, then does that mean you’ve consumed time?