Temperature jokes
A good bath is like a dead lover.
You can enjoy them, that is until they get too cold.
The real reason women are always cold is because they’re not in front of a stove or an oven. So, naturally, when they leave the habitat, they need to have two blankets.
A physicist, an engineer and a programmer were in a car driving over a steep alpine pass when the brakes failed. The car was getting faster and faster, they were struggling to get round the corners and once or twice only the feeble crash barrier saved them from crashing down the side of the mountain. They were sure they were all going to die, when suddenly they spotted an escape lane. They pulled into the escape lane, and came safely to a halt.
The physicist said, "We need to model the friction in the brake pads and the resultant temperature rise, see if we can work out why they failed."
The engineer said, "I think I've got a few spanners in the back. I'll take a look and see if I can work out what's wrong."
The programmer said, "Why don't we get going again and see if it's reproducible?"
What did the sun say to the Earth?
"Am I hot?"
What's the difference between a little boy and a freezer?
The freezer doesn't scream when you put your meat in it.
I was boiling some water and said, "Water, you will be mist!"
Why are hospitals always freezing?
They need to keep the vegetables cold.
Puns about air conditioning. I'm not a fan.
A man was at the temperature -273.15°C. He was OK.
Which is faster, hot or cold?
Hot, because you can catch cold.
How to make holy water:
1. Grab a pot.
2. Put water in it.
3. Set the stove to 420 degrees.
4. Boil the hell out of it.
Beethoven to Chris Doemges: "What instrument do you play outside in the Arctic at -12 degrees Celsius?"
Doemges: "Probably the shiver..."
What is faster, hot or cold?
Hot, because you can catch a cold.
Why does Sonic wear gloves? Because his hands are cold.
Why did the weatherman’s cheeks turn pink?
He saw the climate change.
If your house is cold, just stand in the corner. It's always 90 degrees there.
Student: It's hot in here.
Teacher: That's because I'm in here.
Why are corners so hot?
They are always 90 degrees.
Why was an oven so smart?
It had 70 degrees.
Global warming is the average of temperature on Earth.