Temperature jokes
Why are hospitals always freezing? They need to keep the vegetables cold.
Why is the sun so mean? Because it keeps ROASTING everyone!
Why are corners so hot?
They are always 90 degrees.
Why was the rapper always cold?
Because his lyrics were too ICY!
What did the marshmallow say when he was roasting in the fire? "Is it hot in here, or is it just me?"
How does a rapper greet someone on a cold day?
"Yo, is the temperature Ice Cube, or Vanilla Ice?"
What do people often say in a cold Mexican kitchen?
Brrrrrrito!
Beethoven to Chris Doemges: "What instrument do you play outside in the Arctic at -12 degrees Celsius?"
Doemges: "Probably the shiver..."
Titanic, doing the polar plunge before it was cool.
What does a cute deaf girl and a fire have in common?
They're both hot, but they're both quiet.
What is faster, hot or cold?
Hot, because you can catch a cold.
What did the man say after he slipped and fell on the ice? Nothing, he just gave everyone the cold shoulder.
What's the difference between a little boy and a freezer?
The freezer doesn't scream when you put your meat in it.
Why is it that skinny men love fat women?
Because we need warmth in the winter and shade in the summer.
A good bath is like a dead lover. You can enjoy them, that is until they get too cold.
What do you call an old snowman that survived till summer?...
Water... yup, water...
What did the police say to the ice cream freezer?
What's the difference between an anal and oral thermometer?
The taste.
What are the two hottest cities in the world? Hiroshima and Nagasaki.
The little camel asks his mother: "Mum, why do we have these big humps?"
"Because in these humps there is some water, and in the hot desert we can drink."
"And Mum, why do we have this large fur?"
"Because the desert at night is so cold, and then we don’t feel cold."
"And Mum, why do we got these big hoofs?"
"Because the desert sand is hot, and the hoofs save us from the hot sand."
"But Mum, what the fuck are we doing here in the national zoo?"