Temperature Jokes

A physicist, an engineer and a programmer were in a car driving over a steep alpine pass when the brakes failed. The car was getting faster and faster, they were struggling to get round the corners and once or twice only the feeble crash barrier saved them from crashing down the side of the mountain. They were sure they were all going to die, when suddenly they spotted an escape lane. They pulled into the escape lane, and came safely to a halt.

The physicist said, "We need to model the friction in the brake pads and the resultant temperature rise, see if we can work out why they failed."

The engineer said, "I think I've got a few spanners in the back. I'll take a look and see if I can work out what's wrong."

The programmer said, "Why don't we get going again and see if it's reproducible?"

What did the sun say to the Earth?

"Am I hot?"

I was boiling some water and said, "Water, you will be mist!"

Why are hospitals always freezing?

They need to keep the vegetables cold.

Puns about air conditioning. I'm not a fan.

A man was at the temperature -273.15°C. He was OK.

Which is faster, hot or cold?

Hot, because you can catch cold.

Why did the chili blush?

Because it was so hot!

Someone said to me when it was winter it[’]s time for you to “chill out.” I was like 👁👄👁

Global warming is the average of temperature on Earth.

Why was an oven so smart?

It had 70 degrees.

Student: It's hot in here.

Teacher: That's because I'm in here.

Why are corners so hot?

They are always 90 degrees.

If you can't stand the heat, sit!

I hope both sides of your pillow are warm tonight.

Why does Sonic wear gloves? Because his hands are cold.

If your house is cold, just stand in the corner. It's always 90 degrees there.

Why did the weatherman’s cheeks turn pink?

He saw the climate change.

Mom: Anna, let your younger brother have the sled one half of the time, and you the other half. That way it will all be fair, and I don't have to put up with this crying. I've already got seven others to take care of.

Anna: I do, Mom. I have Fred (younger brother) go up, and I go down!

Mom: Good. Now how 'bout the rest of you go play outside? It's beautiful out there! It's the warmest it's been all year, 45 degrees below 0!

Kids: Wow! I never thought it would warm up! I love Alaska!

Ok, now I'm not good at telling jokes, but this one is not too bad. One cunt said to another cunt, "Do you get cold at night?"

"Fuck no, cunt," the first cunt said, "Why?"

"I have a built-in set of vertical curtains to keep the cold out, cunt!" xx