Temperature jokes
What do you call a Chinese man in the summer heat? Boi Ling.
What's the difference between an anal and oral thermometer?
The taste.
Why didn't the sun go to college?
Because it already had a million degrees!
Why was the obtuse angle hot?
It was more than 90 degrees.
What do you call a disabled kid on fire?
Hot wheels.
Memes
Why is it spicy?
It was so cold out today believe it or not, I saw a politician with his hands in his own pockets!
Why is there AC in hospitals?
To keep all the vegetables fresh.
Two Canadians die and end up in Hell. Satan decides to pay them a visit, so he walks into their room and sees them talking and laughing. Confused, he asks them why they're happy.
They tell him, "Well, we're so sick of the cold where we're from, and this place is nice and toasty."
Satan, annoyed, storms away and goes to Hell's boiler room, where he turns up the temperature.
He goes back to the Canadians' room, along the way being begged by all sorts of people to put the heating back down. He enters the room to see the Canadians having a barbecue. Furiously, he asks them what they're doing.
"Well, we can't pass up this wonderful weather without getting out the barbecue!"
Satan realizes he's been doing the wrong thing. He goes to the boiler room and turns it down until it's at a colder temperature than ever seen on earth.
He knows he's won now, so he goes back to the Canadians' room, only to see them jumping up and down in excitement.
He shouts at them in fury, "WHY ARE YOU STILL HAPPY?!?!?!"
They look at him and shout at the same time, "Hell froze over! That means the Leafs won!"
What do you get when you cross a shark and a snowman?
Frostbite!
What do you call a skeleton in the snow? A numb skull.
Why was it cold in Stephen Hawking's house?
Because he had a new window open...
Why did the fridge have lots of friends?
Cause it was COOL.
What did the man say after he slipped and fell on the ice? Nothing, he just gave everyone the cold shoulder.
Why do people drink Starbucks? Because it's too hot to handle!
My hotel tried to charge me ten dollars extra for air conditioning. That wasn’t cool.
I don't call it arson. I call it warming up.
Do you have a sunburn, or are you just always this hot?
Why was the Burnside Bridge so hot?
Because it's on the burning side.
How are corpses like pools?
Once you get in, it's only cold for like a minute.
Why doesn’t the sun ☀️ go to college?
Because it has a million degrees.