Tell jokes

I could tell you the one about the broken pencil... but it's pointless.

Mom: See that guy over there with no hands, tell him to clap.

Son: Mom, I'm blind.

Mom: Exactly!

10 years ago my dad went to get milk. He said when he got back, he was going to tell me a joke. That joke better be worth it!

I was gonna tell you a sodium joke, but Na, only I thought it was so dium funny.

Someone eats glue and tells the other, "Sorry, can't stick around!"

Hi everyone, my mom got me an iPad today, and this is really cool. Can someone tell me what decapitation is?

I can tell you an airplane joke, but it will probably fly over your head.

When your gf tells you to treat her like a queen,

and then you remember you’re French.

Like if you like dogs. Dislike if you like cats. Other animal? Tell me in the comments!

Ok guys, I think we should stop being mean. That will tell their grandparents.

These orphan jokes are getting old. I mean, seriously, haven't you got something better to tell?

I would tell a joke about Kobe, but it wouldn’t really land well.

How to kick a deaf person off the plane:

Step 1: Pretend to yell and get some friends to do it, too.

Step 2: Tell your friends to raise both of their hands.

Step 3: He's out of the plane on a parachute.

What is black and white and red all over?

Answer: A newspaper.

That is what my 3-year-old told me.

Tell an emo, "Do you get jealous when your phone dies?"

People tell me to be nice to orphans, so I say, "What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?"

If you’re ever bored, punch an orphan. What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?

I would tell you a joke about 9/11, but it would come crashing down on you.

What did the phone receptionist at the suicide hotline tell the callers?

Hang in there!

I tell a man, "Get me a Glock 19." He comes back with a glove. I was about to shout at him, but then I saw a pistol in his pocket, so I left and thanked him.