Telephone jokes

Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He’s not breathing and his eyes are glazed.

The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls 911.

“I think my friend is dead!” he yells. “What can I do?”

The operator says, “Calm down. First, let’s make sure he’s dead.”

There’s a silence, then a shot. Back on the phone, the guy says, “OK, now what?”

I called the rape advice line last night. Turns out it's just for victims.

What do you call an Asian telephone?

Ling Ling.

How does the skeleton call his friends? With a tele-bone.

Yo mama's so fat, she used a telephone pole as a tampon.

Little Johnny tried phone sex, but the holes were too small.

Ring ring.

Abortion clinic!

Where no fetus can beat us.

I was kissing my gal when the phone rang. I answered it, and it was a prank. I walked into the room when my girl had sex with me. Then we cummed the house full XD

PS free sex at my name

You want to hear a dirty joke?

This guy and this girl were having sex when the guy's boss called to ask why he wasn't at work. The guy responds, "I'm sick." His boss replies, "You don't sound sick." The guy says, "I'm fucking my sister" and hangs up the phone.

What? A telephone? Nah, I'm using a telebone.

Me: Calls 9-1-1.

Operator: 9/11, what’s your emergency?

Me: *hangs up*

What has two wings and an arrow?

A Chinese telephone. "Wing Wing Arrow!"

Why can't a blonde call 911?

She can't find the 11.

When Chuck Norris calls 1-900 and 976 numbers, he doesn't get charged. He holds up the phone, and money falls out.

What could've the Towers done to not start 9/11?

Call 911.

What do Call of Duty players say when they shoot up a school?

654-721-8940

(If you understand the joke, you're a god.)

Seems very long. You won't remember the telephone number...

I remember it like this from school days in Ireland.

Dolly Parton is shopping for a new bra. A lady says, "Your size is 69." Dolly says, "No way, that's too too too (222) big." So she goes to the doctor. "Doc, I need something to make my boobs smaller." "Here, take (51) pills for 6 days (x6)," and so she did. Days later, she ran back to the doc, "Jesus Christ doctor, look what happened. I'm BOOBLESS!" 55378008 upside down.

Person: My left ear is ringing.

Friend: Then answer it!

Mexican words of the day: Green, Pink, and Yellow :))

The phone go green green... I pink it up and say YELLOW!!??

I called the suicide hotline in Afghanistan, and they got excited and asked if I could drive a B-52.