Telephone jokes
Me calling the orphan kid from school: "Hello, are your parents home?"
The orphan kid: *starts sobbing* "STOP CALLING HERE!"
Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He’s not breathing and his eyes are glazed.
The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls 911.
“I think my friend is dead!” he yells. “What can I do?”
The operator says, “Calm down. First, let’s make sure he’s dead.”
There’s a silence, then a shot. Back on the phone, the guy says, “OK, now what?”
Why can't a blonde call 911?
She can't find the 11.
Me: Calls 9-1-1.
Operator: 9/11, what’s your emergency?
Me: *hangs up*
I was kissing my gal when the phone rang. I answered it, and it was a prank. I walked into the room when my girl had sex with me. Then we cummed the house full XD
PS free sex at my name
The cleverness of the students 😍
Ring ring.
Abortion clinic!
Where no fetus can beat us.
What did the phone receptionist at the suicide hotline tell the callers?
Hang in there!
Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn’t seem to be breathing, and his eyes are glazed.
The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?"
The operator says, "Calm down. I can help. First, let’s make sure he’s dead."
There is a silence, then a shot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says, "OK, now what?"
You want to hear a dirty joke?
This guy and this girl were having sex when the guy's boss called to ask why he wasn't at work. The guy responds, "I'm sick." His boss replies, "You don't sound sick." The guy says, "I'm fucking my sister" and hangs up the phone.
I keep trying to call my emo friend. They keep hanging up.
What has two wings and a halo?
A Chinese telephone. Wing-wing Halo?
Yo momma's so stupid, her family tree is a telephone pole.
Why can't Asian people use a telephone?
Because they might wing the wrong number.
Best chick ever.
Call me at 6969696969.
Yo mama so stupid she thinks Taco Bell is a Mexican phone company.
Why couldn't the blonde dial 911?
She couldn't find the 11.
How does a blonde punish her blind son? She takes away his TV privileges.
How does a blonde punish her deaf son? She takes away his telephone privileges.
How does a blonde punish her paraplegic son? She gives him a spanking.
What do you call an Asian telephone?
Ling Ling.
What has two wings and a halo?
A Chinese telephone. (Wing, wing, halo.)
What is the fastest way to spread a rumor?
Telephone? No.
Television? No.
How then? Tell a woman!