Technology jokes

Did you hear about the new German microwave? It has ten seats in it.

What's the difference between a woman and a washing machine? The washing machine doesn't follow you after you put a load in it.

What is the strongest weapon in India?

The red button (this is a fact).

Your mum sat on a phone, and she turned it into a pancake.

How do prisoners call each other? Cell phones.

Just accidentally emailed a porn link to a co-worker... So I emailed ten other co-workers the link and called it a virus.

Why couldn’t the orphan play Xbox? Because there was no home button.

So I painted my laptop black, hoping it would run faster... Now it doesn't work.

Stephen Hawking:

Q: Who Made Stephen Hawkins' Wheel Chair?

A:) Tesla

How does Stephen Hawking go to the toilet? He logs out.

What's the difference between a light bulb and a woman?

You can screw and unscrew a light bulb, but you can't unscrew a woman.

For a present on Christmas, I gave an orphan a phone, just without a home button.

Doctors in the Middle Ages, Plague doctor: "I must have some herbs to block out bad air."

Doctors now: "God, WTF were we doing back then?"

Most people call it grave robbing...

I prefer to call it cryptocurrency.

Where do spiders commit crimes?

The Dark Web.

Hey guys, how was your day?

If you ask me the same question, here's the answer: depressing.

I still haven't made any friends on this app. All I do is read and comment on old jokes or opinions.

Q: Why do orphans get on Facebook?

A: Because they get liked.

Stephen Hawking shows up to a car meet-up.

Me to bully: You are so fat that when the satellite took the picture, you were considered as an island.

Bully: (Speechless)

My wife says sex is even better on holiday. I wish she didn’t tell me via email.