How does Stephen Hawking go to the toilet? He logs out.
What does Earl Bradley and an Xbox have in common?
They both get turned on by children.
What's the difference between a PC and a 6 year old? I don't have to clean out my PC.
My grandad broke his legs.
To cheer him up, I bought him a Walkman.
Why do orphans always have the newest iPhone?
Because it doesn’t have a home button.
Roses are red, I'm not a boaster.
Elon must've got rushed to the hospital after impregnating a toaster.
Your hairline was sponsored as a Snap Chat Filter.
What's the difference between a light bulb and a woman?
You can screw and unscrew a light bulb, but you can't unscrew a woman.
What do you get when you cross a shark and a computer? Computer bytes!
Yo mama is so ugly that when she went through a face ID, it didn't think she was human.
Where do spiders commit crimes?
The Dark Web.
I went to self-checkout at a store and I scanned my products, but the scanner wouldn't scan the barcode on my arm.
Why can't orphans operate Apple devices?
Because they don't know how to use the home button.
What do you call a midget that waves? A microwave.
Stephen Hawking shows up to a car meet-up.
Q: Why do orphans get on Facebook?
A: Because they get liked.
Is Gwen still on this app thing?
Hey guys, how was your day?
If you ask me the same question, here's the answer: depressing.
I still haven't made any friends on this app. All I do is read and comment on old jokes or opinions.
I can go to Walmart and scan my wrists. It'll say "antidepressants." ✨
A guy tried to suffocate himself with his BMW exhaust, but his engine failed.
This is the first time German engineering fails to gas someone.
