Technology jokes
Why couldn’t the orphan play Xbox? Because there was no home button.
How do prisoners call each other? Cell phones.
Your mum sat on a phone, and she turned it into a pancake.
So I painted my laptop black, hoping it would run faster... Now it doesn't work.
A programmer pushes a stroller through the park. An elderly couple comes along: "Is it a boy or a girl?" The programmer replies, "Yes."
Stephen Hawking:
Q: Who Made Stephen Hawkins' Wheel Chair?
A:) Tesla
How does Stephen Hawking go to the toilet? He logs out.
How can you tell that a website was made by an orphan?
It doesn’t have a home page.
What’s the difference between how you watch porn and I watch porn?
The windows we watch through.
Your hairline was sponsored as a Snap Chat Filter.
What do you call a nun on a wheelchair?
Virgin Mobile.
Why was the turtle looking at her phone?
She wanted to take a shellfie.
What do you call a midget that waves? A microwave.
I went to self-checkout at a store and I scanned my products, but the scanner wouldn't scan the barcode on my arm.
Why can't orphans operate Apple devices?
Because they don't know how to use the home button.
Where do spiders commit crimes?
The Dark Web.
What does Michael Jackson and a TV have in common? They both get turned on by kids.
For a present on Christmas, I gave an orphan a phone, just without a home button.
Doctors in the Middle Ages, Plague doctor: "I must have some herbs to block out bad air."
Doctors now: "God, WTF were we doing back then?"
A guy tried to suffocate himself with his BMW exhaust, but his engine failed.
This is the first time German engineering fails to gas someone.