Guy: Are you a vending machine? Because you're a snack.
Girl: Your card got declined.
Guy: That's ok, you got to bang them a few times to get you money's worth.
What’s the difference between a barcode and Rachel Sutherland’s wrist?
Nothing, they both get scanned for a fresh new pack of razor blades.
Why did Stephen Hawking die?
He drove too far away from the power point/modem.
Scientists make skyscrapers and airplanes.
Religion crashes them.
What’s missing from an orphan's iPad?
The home button.
What has two wings and an arrow?
The Chinese telephone, wing wing, arrow.
Q: What do you call deaf Magic Johnson?
A: Hearing Aids.
Why can't Asian people use a telephone?
Because they might wing the wrong number.
How did Stephen Hawking die?
His core i5 Overheated. XD
Why did Stephen Hawking die? ... Because he pressed "shut down" instead of "sleep."
What did Google Translate say to Siri?
"Why are you so Siri-ous?"
What do crows use when they get a phone?
A "CAWing" card!
How did the digital clock show off to its mother?
Look, Ma, no hands!
VOTING QUARTERFINAL 4
LIKE: When you’re playing dead and the school shooter starts unbuckling his belt and you hear him say “This boy always had a fat ass”.
DISLIKE: When you’re hiding from the school shooter next to people who made fun of you for having an Android: “HEY SIRI”
Vote for the better joke. Semifinals are later or tomorrow.
I played Kobe Bryant on 2k14, but my console somehow kept crashing.
I didn’t know Stephen Hawking died. Oh god, it must have been when I disconnected the Wi-Fi!
Why do orphans play GTA?
To be wanted.
Why do orphanages give out free phones?
So you can press the home button.
Your mom's so fat, the photo from last Christmas is still printing!
When I went to heaven, I saw Steven Hawking standing there. I asked why he isn’t in heaven yet. He said there are stairs.
What do you call an orphan's family photo?
A selfie.
