Technology jokes
Dad: Ok kids, this selfie will just be me! *screen cracks*
My girlfriend called me a "bot" in Fortnite, so I called her "sandwich maker 3000."
What do you get when you cross a lawn mower and a parakeet?
Shredded tweet!
Guy: Are you a vending machine? Because you're a snack.
Girl: Your card got declined.
Guy: That's ok, you got to bang them a few times to get you money's worth.
What’s the difference between a barcode and Rachel Sutherland’s wrist?
Nothing, they both get scanned for a fresh new pack of razor blades.
Memes
why baby monitors gotta be so creepy?
Why did Stephen Hawking die?
He drove too far away from the power point/modem.
Scientists make skyscrapers and airplanes.
Religion crashes them.
What’s missing from an orphan's iPad?
The home button.
What has two wings and an arrow?
The Chinese telephone, wing wing, arrow.
Q: What do you call deaf Magic Johnson?
A: Hearing Aids.
Why can't Asian people use a telephone?
Because they might wing the wrong number.
How did Stephen Hawking die?
His core i5 Overheated. XD
Why did Stephen Hawking die? ... Because he pressed "shut down" instead of "sleep."
What did Google Translate say to Siri?
"Why are you so Siri-ous?"
What do crows use when they get a phone?
A "CAWing" card!
How did the digital clock show off to its mother?
Look, Ma, no hands!
You: Hey, Alexa, what is your gender?
Alexa: I identify as Michael Jackson, and my pronouns are...
Me: *hears it* And their pronouns are he/he.
VOTING QUARTERFINAL 4
LIKE: When you’re playing dead and the school shooter starts unbuckling his belt and you hear him say “This boy always had a fat ass”.
DISLIKE: When you’re hiding from the school shooter next to people who made fun of you for having an Android: “HEY SIRI”
Vote for the better joke. Semifinals are later or tomorrow.
I played Kobe Bryant on 2k14, but my console somehow kept crashing.
I didn’t know Stephen Hawking died. Oh god, it must have been when I disconnected the Wi-Fi!