How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb?
None, that's a hardware problem.
Secretly, I’m a woman catfishing gay men on Grindr. When a notification from the app went off, my son told me, “I’ve heard that sound. Daddy has that game, too!”
My battery lasted longer than your sad, depressing life.
What were the Fortnite kid's last words? "I didn't know pumps are back in the game!"
Hey, I just found out my toaster is waterproof! :D
You look like a 2020 hologram of COVID-19.
For all the Harry Potter fans:
A VPN is occlumency for smart devices, and our ISP is a legilimens.
Wife: (on phone) Hi. Husband: Hey, I didn’t know dishwashers talk and make me a sandwich.
How do you make Stephen Hawking mad?
You turn off the WiFi router.
Knock knock. Who's there? Ya. Ya who? Sorry, I prefer Google.
I went to see my grandfather in the hospital because I wanted to get to know him better before he passed, maybe take a selfie with him. But when I got there my phone died, so I unplugged a vacuum to plug in my phone. And it turns out he only knows Spanish, so when he kept saying, "Me desconectaste el soporte de mi vida," I thought he wanted water. But when I got back with the water he was asleep, and now my phone was charged, so I translated what he said. And it was, "You unplugged my life support." That's when I called the doctor...
Good news is, I got one sick selfie!
Why did Steven Hawking die?
He lost Wi-Fi connection and didn't get the data plan.
What songs do people with no arms listen to?
None, 'cause they can’t press play.
I got my orphan kid a phone. She was pressing the home button, but it didn't work.
What do cows listen to on headphones?
moo-sic.
Dear Autocorrect, I never wanted to spell the word "bigger".
What was the one test that Steven Hawking couldn't pass?
reCAPTCHA
What does Michael Jackson and an Xbox have in common?
They're both turned on by kids.
Daughter: Mommy, what ever happened to Steven Hawking?
Mother: He died.
Daughter: How did he die?
Mother: He never got recharged.
I’m happy to be with my EA when I go to school.
