Teacher

Teacher jokes

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Suzy: How did Jonah fit in the whale?

Teacher: Whales are very big but have small mouths, so Jonah did not actually fit in the whale.

Suzy: Well, the Bible says he did.

Teacher: He did not.

Suzy: When I get to heaven I will ask him how he fit in.

Teacher: How do you know he went to heaven? Maybe he went to hell.

Suzy: Then you can ask him.

The teacher is asking you a question.

Teacher: "If your biggest dream came true, what would you be?"

Me: "Dead."

  • 2

    • So in class, they were learning about where food comes from:

    Teacher: So kids, where does bacon come from?

    Student: PIGS!

    Teacher: Correct. Where does mutton come from?

    Student: SHEEP!

    Teacher: And finally, here’s your homework.

    Student: IK where that comes from!

    A FAT COW! 😂😂

    Teacher: We have a new student today class, come introduce yourself.

    Student: My name is Buttitches.

    Teacher: Please tell us your real name.

    Student: Buttitches.

    Teacher: I’m calling the police.

    Police: Son, please tell me your real name or I’m going to shoot you.

    Student: Buttitches.

    Police: *shoots gun.*

    A few days later, the police go to the funeral and sits behind the mom. While crying, the mom says, "My Buttitches!" The police say, "We’ll scratch it, lady."

    My favorite joke was: what's the difference between a teacher and a train?

    What did the teacher say to the fat Turkish kid that always ate in his class?

    "You could do with Ramadan lasting all year, couldn't you?"

    So I was at high school one day in the bathrooms, and I'm circumcised, and the kid next to me wasn't, so he showed me his pp, and he had a foreskin, so I was just playing with it until the teacher walked in, then I got fired...

    So, one day I was walking home from school with my best friend, Sally. She was worried to get home because she was going to tell her mom that Bob, the class rep, got her pregnant eight months ago, and now it was obvious she was pregnant. So I said, “Sally, it’ll be okay, I’m sure she’ll be happy to get a grandson.” “Yeah, thanks, Suzy,” she said to me, then went into her house.

    The next few weeks she didn’t show up to school, so I was like, oh, she must be in trouble with her mom. I’ll go check on her.

    So I walk up to her house and her mom answers with a baby boy in her hands. “Oh, hello. Is that Sally’s son?!! Can I see Sally?” Her mom says sure, and I go inside, but she leads me to the backyard and I see a tombstone. “Here lies Sally 2004-2020.” So I ask her mom in tears, “Oh, did she not make it through the birth?” And her mom replied, “You could say that...”

  • 5

    • My math teacher walked by and asked me, "What is that?"

    I said, "Paper."

    She said, "Really?"

    I said, "Yeah, do you need glasses?"

    Teacher: Great! You’re studying in break time!

    Student: Thank you. I heard that it is good to study before sleep.

    You know why the teacher punished Dairy Milk?

    Answer: Because he was choco_'late' to school.

    How does a peadophile help a kid with maths? He adds the bed, divides the clothes, and multiplies with the whole classroom.

    Teacher: "I'm sorry, but you got a 74 on the test."

    Quiet Kid: "I'll show you my own 74."

    Classroom: *visible panic*