freshfry we need to talk now...
ALYA I NEED TO TALK TO YOU NOW IF YOU DONT REPLY I WILL KERMIT THE NOT LIVING AND IF YOU DONT THINK I WILL I WILL POST YOUR ONLYFANS PHOTOS I GET EVERY MONTH FOR $5.99 A WEEK ( HIGH PRICE IF YOU ASK ME)
ALEX! WE NEED TO TALK! NOW!
Hoow on god's green earth does my boyfriend have a phone? JK WE NEED TO TALK ILL TYPE THE SECRET CODE (YOU'LL KNOW WHAT IT MEANS.) GREEN PUSSY CAT LIKES BANNANS.
one day i was walking down the streets and then i saw something really funny and then i run and i saw a boomer but i dont really know what im talking about lol
Two fish in a bowl, First fish asks "Haven't i seen you around here before?" The second fish replies "F**k me a talking fish!!!!"
A dog talks to a other dog and say Wow your a Hotdog
If You're In A Roast Battle With A Homophobe And They Are Talking Mad Shit Just Say:
"The only thing looser than your mouth is your asshole!"
A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced 10 husbands. On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin." "What?" said the puzzled groom. "How can that be if you've been married 10 times?" "Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative. He kept telling me how great it was going to be. Husband #2 was in software services. He was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me. Husband #3 was from field services. He said everything checked out diagnostically, but he just couldn't get the system up. Husband #4 was in telemarketing. Even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver. Husband #5 was an engineer. He understood the basic process, but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method. Husband #6 was from finance and administration. He thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not. Husband #7 was in marketing. Although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it. Husband #8 was a psychologist. All he ever did was talk about it. Husband #9 was a gynecologist. All he did was look at it. Husband #10 was a stamp collector. All he ever did was... God! I miss him! But now that I've married you, I'm really excited!" "Good," said the new husband, "but, why?" "You're a lawyer. This time I know I'm going to get screwed!"
A man has a terminal illness and isn't sure how long he has left to live, so he talks to his doctor. The man asks "How long am I going to live?" The doctor says "Depends, what time is it?" The doctor then looks at his watch and says"10" The man asks "Ten what?" Then the doctor keeps going"6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1"
Little Johnny was in kindergarten and his teacher said, "okay everyone, Tomorrow you must come to school and recite the first three letters of the alphabet". Johnny didn't know the alphabet so he decided to ask his family. He walked in the kitchen to find his mom on the phone. He says, "Mamma, what's the first letter of the alphabet?" His mom doesn't notice him standing there and says, "If you don't shut the fuck up right now-" So he goes to find his brother watching TV and he says, "Tommy what's the Second letter of the alphabet?" His brother doesn't notice him and says, "I'm Batman". So He went to his Grandma who was knitting and says, "Grandma what's the third letter of the Alphabet?" The grandma then realizes she left her biscuits in the oven for too long and says, "My biscuits are burning! My Biscuits are burning!" Satisfied with the answers given to him he thinks it over and goes to school the next morning. When his teacher come to Johnny she says, "Johnny what are the first three letters of the alphabet?" "If you don't shut the fuck up right now" - Johnny "Who do you think you are young man to talk to someone like me that way?" - teacher "I'm Batman" - Johnny The teacher whups his ass and little johnny says, "My biscuits are burning! My Biscuits are burning!"
Later that day he understands what happened and can't tell which was worse that he accidentally cussed to his teacher or that his family was ignoring him.
I was sitting in a bar one day and two really large women came in, talking in an interesting accent. So I said, "Cool accent, are you two ladies from Ireland?" One of them snarled at me, "It's Wales, Dumbo!" So I corrected myself, "My apologies, so are you two whales from Ireland?"
i went for a job interview today and the manager said, "We're looking for someone who is responsible."
"Well, I'm your man." I replied, "In my last job, whenever anything went wrong, they said I was responsible."
the way u talk is so slow that the put u in the movie fast and furious and changed the title to slow and serious!!!😂😂😭
My mom: "Dear, I don't know why your grandma is spending more time with her friend carla, can you spy on her?"
Me: "Your mom gay lol"
My mom: "Don't talk about your grandma like that you rude girl"
You: "Your mom gay lol"
Ever wonder how a Jehovah’s Witness spreads their word during Covid?
Now that you’re here, do you have a moment to talk about our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ?
My husband left a note on the fridge that said, "This isn't working." I'm not sure what he's talking about. I opened the fridge door and it's working fine!
When your friends talking about sports: Jake says " It was 17.56M people watching in basketball championship"🦁
Sam says " It was 113M People watching the Super Bowl" 😯🐱
Avion says "It was up from 1.12 billion people watching World Cup 😶🙀
Yo mama so fat when she talks to herself it’s a long-distance call
So my mom was talking to me and told me to go to the store so when I get there,there’s a sign but then someone tells me that’s just someone with a ginormous forehead
friend: how's it going? me: good, things are good! parent: how are you? me: oh I'm fine! Twitter: compose new tweet? me: hellooooo l would like to tell you about my anxiety & my current greatest fears & let's talk about the impending apocalypse while we're at it
