My dad died when we couldn't remember his blood type. As he died, he kept insisting for us to "be positive," but it's hard without him.
When Jim was playing on his phone, my grandfather told him, "You use way too much technology!" Jim then said, "No, YOU use too much technology!" and then Jim disconnected his grandfather’s life support.
Stephen Hawking tried to charge his phone and unplugged his life support.
Have they tried switching him off and on again?
I'm doing a charity bungee jump for the local disabled.
It's called "spastics on elastics."
I fucked your mom, that's why I've been paying your life support since you were born.
My friend can't afford to pay his water bill anymore, so I sent him a card, "Get well soon."
What do you call a fruit that argues against the position it supports?
The Devil's advocado.
